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Poem

Tjerk12

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As a hobby writer occasionally I try to make little poems. Nearly all my poems are based on the circle of life. Unfortunately my knowledge of the English language is insufficient to give a harmonious translation. But I'll give it a try.

Dutch version:

Tijd lijkt loos

Vandaag telt,
Morgen lonkt,
Een vluchtig afscheid,
En je bent van gisteren,
Stilaan vervagend,
In het niets,
De bron van alles.

Translation

Time seems false

Today matters,
Tomorrow ogles,
A fleeting farewell,
And you belong to yesterday,
Gradually fading,
Into nothing,
The source of everything.
 

gorgik9

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Hello Tjerk!

Kudos to you, since translation of poetry is a very tricky kind of translation!

Could I make a suggestion about the english translation? It's about the last line, "De bron van alles." in dutch and "The source of everything." in english.

Now, I'm quite sure that dutch "bron" is swedish "brunn" - (I'm a swede) - which would make "well" a more natural translation into english. Not that "source" would be an exactly wrong translation, since you could say that a "bron"["brunn"] is a kind of source. The problem is, in my opinion, that "source" is much too abstract.

Radclyffe Hall's famous novel from 1928 is titled The well of lonlieness., not The source of lonlieness., which would sound strange.

Good luck with the poetry and thanks for sharing!
 

peter123

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Thx Tjerk, great,
it's really a Problem to translate a Poem from one language to another,
I'm sure it always suffers the rhyme, the measure and the mood intended....
... so I think a Poem develops his full power only in the language it is written in....:thumbs up:
 

Tjerk12

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Hello Tjerk!

Kudos to you, since translation of poetry is a very tricky kind of translation!

Could I make a suggestion about the english translation? It's about the last line, "De bron van alles." in dutch and "The source of everything." in english.

Now, I'm quite sure that dutch "bron" is swedish "brunn" - (I'm a swede) - which would make "well" a more natural translation into english. Not that "source" would be an exactly wrong translation, since you could say that a "bron"["brunn"] is a kind of source. The problem is, in my opinion, that "source" is much too abstract.

Radclyffe Hall's famous novel from 1928 is titled The well of lonlieness., not The source of lonlieness., which would sound strange.

Good luck with the poetry and thanks for sharing!

Thank you so much gorgik. Well is far better and exactly what I meant to say, the well of life, in which we are born and finally return; ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
It is really difficult to write in a language that is not your native language. Writing down words is in fact the translation of feelings. I just miss that feeling in English. For example the fourth line -En je bent van gisteren,- is related to a Dutch expression -ik ben niet van gisteren- (I am not from yesterday) what actually means -I am not stupid, mentally retarded-. I am afraid that this aspect is not clear in the translation.
 
Last edited:

gorgik9

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Dear Tjerk !

I'm truly glad that I could be of some help!
 

Martinus

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No reason why it should't be published in its original language (apart from a jingoistic forum rule). We all have access to Google which translates most languages although, of course, literally. Poetry is, of necessity, original and should remain so as anyone who has heard The Ring sing in English will surely testify.
 

Tjerk12

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When I was young I had those special nights with friends. Lots of alcohol, thinking about "Weltschmerz" (don't know the exact translation, but it is German and has to do with the meaning of life). We discovered what life was about, but, what a tragedy, next morning we could not remember what we discovered.
Growing older I do these sessions alone. No need for excessive alcohol to analyse the meaning of life. Of course the thoughts have the same nonsense level, but at least the next morning I am able to remember them.
This is in fact no poem, I mean, it is a bit short for that. More a spell for a tile on the wall:

in Dutch:

Niets is van belang

Als alles is ontsproten uit niets,
Dan moet ondeelbaar klein,
Wel onvoorstelbaar groots zijn.


translation:

Nothing matters

If everything is sprouted from nothing,
Then indivisible small,
Must be unimaginable grand.
 

Tjerk12

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Another figment:

In Dutch:

Volkomen normaal is te gek voor woorden.

translation:

Completely normal is outrageous.

literally translated:

Completely normal is too foolish for words.
 

gorgik9

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When I was young I had those special nights with friends. Lots of alcohol, thinking about "Weltschmerz" (don't know the exact translation, but it is German and has to do with the meaning of life). We discovered what life was about, but, what a tragedy, next morning we could not remember what we discovered.
Growing older I do these sessions alone. No need for excessive alcohol to analyse the meaning of life. Of course the thoughts have the same nonsense level, but at least the next morning I am able to remember them.
This is in fact no poem, I mean, it is a bit short for that. More a spell for a tile on the wall:

in Dutch:

Niets is van belang

Als alles is ontsproten uit niets,
Dan moet ondeelbaar klein,
Wel onvoorstelbaar groots zijn.


translation:

Nothing matters

If everything is sprouted from nothing,
Then indivisible small,
Must be unimaginable grand.
Hello Tjerk!

What I just don't understand is when you say, that this "is in fact no poem" since "it is a bit short for that". ??? :eek:

Remember that a japanese Haiku doesn't contain more than 17 syllables.

And what about these poems by Ezra Pound:

In a Station of the Metro

The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet, black bough.


L´Art, 1910

Green arsenic smeared on an egg-white cloth,
Crushed strawberries! Come, let us feast our eyes.

____________________________________________

Two of the most famous modernist poems in early 20th century english poetry. Soooooo...the idea that there should be some adequate length of a poem is just utterly inadequate.:D
 

Tjerk12

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Gorgik thanks for your great comment. It is rather obvious that you know a lot more about literature than I do. It soothes my feelings that my old brain is able to produce modern thoughts. Furthermore, it feels as an incentive to continue writing. It is an amazing intense activity.
 

gorgik9

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Hello my friend :heart:

Maybe I've got more theoretical knowledge on poetry and history of literature, but so what ? I guess that you're the better poet :thumbs up:

And I hope that you'll keep on posting your poetic posts every now and then - I definitely like your stuff. :big hug:

Another old short favourite :

So much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

besides the white
chickens.

William Carlos Williams
 
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