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Advice

Curiousnomore

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Kentucky guy here, I only recently let my feelings free and started my true lifestyle. Anyone have advice on how to meet guys or hookups, Im clueless and waited long enough to be free not to have mad hot sex when I feel the desire
 

topdog

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Welcome! I think that the hardest part of the coming out process is coming out to yourself. Congratulations on making that leap and valuing who you are.

Finding sex, especially in the age of Grindr and Scruff, is usually the easy part. If you need advice on that I know many here can help.

I just want to suggest that while what you want right now is cock, what you really need to be going after is friends. (And sometimes one can lead to the other.) You can actually use dating sites (I mean real dating sites, not hookup sites) to do that. Go ahead and look for a boyfriend, but don't throw anyone away if they can become a friend.

Friends often last longer than boyfriends. And friends can introduce you to potential boyfriends. So, look for activities where you can meet other gay guys. And come out to your existing friends so they can introduce you to other guys.

Best wishes - TD
 

Curiousnomore

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Welcome! I think that the hardest part of the coming out process is coming out to yourself. Congratulations on making that leap and valuing who you are.

Finding sex, especially in the age of Grindr and Scruff, is usually the easy part. If you need advice on that I know many here can help.

I just want to suggest that while what you want right now is cock, what you really need to be going after is friends. (And sometimes one can lead to the other.) You can actually use dating sites (I mean real dating sites, not hookup sites) to do that. Go ahead and look for a boyfriend, but don't throw anyone away if they can become a friend.

Friends often last longer than boyfriends. And friends can introduce you to potential boyfriends. So, look for activities where you can meet other gay guys. And come out to your existing friends so they can introduce you to other guys.

Best wishes - TD

Thanks, sounds like very good advice. I would like a boyfriend instead of hookups, a guy I can emotionally and physically grow and explore with. Also feel safer knowing he would have best interest and intentions in mind
 
B

blizzard

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Congratulations, friend! You've overcome a great challenge that many people in the world lack the courage to face. It says a lot about your character and integrity that you are being true to yourself. You deserve happiness and love in your life, and you've taken a fantastic step that will get you even closer to it.

If I can offer any advice, it's this: Be true to yourself, always. Don't settle for less than you want and deserve. If you are looking for a boyfriend and dating, then don't settle for just quick sex. If you want quick sex, there's nothing wrong with that. But hold true to whatever it is that you want.

I'm a big believer that the best way forward is to date. With the online world as it is, there are many sites where you can go to meet people to date. I personally feel the best sex will emerge from a romantic relationship, but that's my opinion and there are others that will disagree. As I've been in a relationship for 23 years I can't tell you exactly what are the best sites for meeting other men to date, but I know it's not Grindr or Scruff. I'm not sure if Tinder or OK Cupid have gay sections, but I'm sure some of the major sites do if not most of them, and those are where I would encourage you to spend some time.

Also, now is a great time to make sure you fully understand how to protect yourself against diseases. HIV is still a very communicable and dangerous disease, and while there are treatments that can greatly manage the disease, the best way to manage it is by not acquiring it in the first place. As my husband is a doctor, we have counseled some young gay kids that they should still be using condoms first and foremost, and can ditch them once they are in a relationship and both parties have been tested (and do it together and make it a fun outing for you both). But beyond HIV, there are lots of other sexually transmitted infections that you don't want to get, and with antibiotic-resistant strains of gonorrhea and other nasties floating around out there, this is a great time to make sure you're doing your best to avoid infections of any sort.

When I was figuring things out for myself, I read a lot of books. Maybe you're a book reader, or maybe not, but reading books about other people dealing with coming out issues, memoirs, etc., for me was really valuable.

Many gay organizations are always in need of volunteers, whether it is the local gay community center, a gay sports league, a gay-friendly church, a gay social group, etc. There's no better way to meet people than getting involved, assuming you live in an area where there are such groups. And if they don't exist, why not consider starting something where you are? Like maybe even a gay potluck group.

And meet lots of people, single gay men, gay couples, lesbians, bi folks, transgendered folks, etc. There are lots of quality people to meet, and even if they aren't someone you might want to date (or vice versa), having friends and people who you enjoy spending time with is always a victory. And gay friends make for GREAT friends!

Best of luck, and let us know how things go for you!
 

Curiousnomore

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Thanks so much for taking the time! Im getting great advice from many different avenues, the overwhelming support im getting makes me feel accepted and more confident! Thanks all for kind words and support!
 

taurus2904

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Both TopDog and Blizzard offer some good advice.

When I was figuring things out for myself, I read a lot of books. Maybe you're a book reader, or maybe not, but reading books about other people dealing with coming out issues, memoirs, etc., for me was really valuable.

Many gay organizations are always in need of volunteers, whether it is the local gay community center, a gay sports league, a gay-friendly church, a gay social group, etc. There's no better way to meet people than getting involved, assuming you live in an area where there are such groups. And if they don't exist, why not consider starting something where you are? Like maybe even a gay potluck group.

One book I can recommend is "Finding True Love in a Man-Eat-Man World" by Craig Nelson. I didn't find mine, but there are reasons not involving the book. :p

Potluck groups are a great idea -- low pressure and relaxed atmosphere (usually) and sitting down for food/drink is always a nice way to get to know people.

I saw in another thread that you're in Lexington, KY. There are several social and sports groups in the city. Pride Community Services Organization [pcsoky dot org] seems to have a decent website -- a Pride group is a great way to jump right in a meet all kinds of people and they always need volunteers for something. Just a quick check through their website and I found sports from bowling to rugby to volleyball, a SciFi/Horror group, several musical groups from bluegrass to choral, PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbian and Gay), MCC (Metropolitan Community Churches) -- quite a lot of opportunities.

Good luck and have safe fun!
 

Curiousnomore

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Both TopDog and Blizzard offer some good advice.



One book I can recommend is "Finding True Love in a Man-Eat-Man World" by Craig Nelson. I didn't find mine, but there are reasons not involving the book. :p

Potluck groups are a great idea -- low pressure and relaxed atmosphere (usually) and sitting down for food/drink is always a nice way to get to know people.

I saw in another thread that you're in Lexington, KY. There are several social and sports groups in the city. Pride Community Services Organization [pcsoky dot org] seems to have a decent website -- a Pride group is a great way to jump right in a meet all kinds of people and they always need volunteers for something. Just a quick check through their website and I found sports from bowling to rugby to volleyball, a SciFi/Horror group, several musical groups from bluegrass to choral, PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbian and Gay), MCC (Metropolitan Community Churches) -- quite a lot of opportunities.

Good luck and have safe fun!

Thanks so much for your input, ill look for the resources you mentioned
 
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