Sick of life

I m so sick of my lif ~X( I don't know how to change. I live like hermit and I have no friends to hang out with one friend I do have hardly get to see and I will fear I well never fall in love. I don't live like a hermit on purpose i hate it just worked out that way. the one time I do go out is to go the the store and it sickness me to see all the damn happy people in love when I have no one. know I should go out more but there is no where to going and even if there was I have on money to get there. the town I live in is so dull and boring. I had the opportunity to leave but I was to afraid to do it and now that money is gone. and I most live in Hell. yes I have ben drinkin. Im having a pity party it sucks to there is no cake. What kind of kind of party his no cake? stupid GLaDOS she say there would be cake. the cake is a lie, A LIE.:angry:

how can Imake life better? one i can go find that damn cake. sorry any one here have any words of incouragement?

Look for a spiritual help with a priest

:big hug:

You sound depressed. That mixture of being fed up and angry, the low confidence to take control, all points in that direction.

Perhaps your doctor can help you with that. He cannot solve your problems for you but he may have something to make it easier for you to get your life back, if you make the effort. He may well give you some pills, which you should think of as a temporary walking stick to help you to get on with things.

Sadly, if you wait for someone to "sweep you off your feet", the chances are it is not going to happen, specially if you find it hard to get out. You need to get more active. But I know, easy to say that, much harder to do.

Start with small steps. You are still going to the store, good. (as you say "store" I assume you are in the US, right?) I am in the UK by the way.

So, how about getting yourself to go for a walk in the park, for a short time, once or twice a week? Or the cinema? It will all help you to build your confidence. How about joining something you have an interest in? The gym, perhaps? A choir? Enrol on a course? All that helps a lot to get you among people and give you confidence.

When you are ready, perhaps try a dating site? There will be no instant result, and you may well meet 20 people before you meet someone you are really compatible with, but it will be worth it if you can manage that.

As a drastic solution: Have you thought of moving somewhere entirely new? If you move to a place like Thailand, there will be many young handsome men who would be very interested in you. In many parts of Asia people like "Western" people, specially if they are a little older. Funnily enough, even a moderate beer belly is considered downright sexy.

All the very best!
:cheers:

I can only agree with what tiogilito has posted that you have to break the cycle and get out and back into your local community - whether that's by joining a gym; walking group; art class or photography class will depend on what might interest you but staying isolated is not the way to go and (although it temporarily blanks out the problem) neither is too much alcohol.

Sounds like you have to ask yourself why you are feeling the way you do. Life has both positive and negative things in it. Find small things you can do to make yourself feel better and focus on positive. It would also be helpful to get a source of inspiration, a book or something. Check out your public library to see what books you can borrow to read.

if were closer id hang out with you --play some games like yooka laylee on ps4 go from there

tiogilito said:

:big hug:

You sound depressed. That mixture of being fed up and angry, the low confidence to take control, all points in that direction.

Perhaps your doctor can help you with that. He cannot solve your problems for you but he may have something to make it easier for you to get your life back, if you make the effort. He may well give you some pills, which you should think of as a temporary walking stick to help you to get on with things.

Sadly, if you wait for someone to "sweep you off your feet", the chances are it is not going to happen, specially if you find it hard to get out. You need to get more active. But I know, easy to say that, much harder to do.

Start with small steps. You are still going to the store, good. (as you say "store" I assume you are in the US, right?) I am in the UK by the way.

So, how about getting yourself to go for a walk in the park, for a short time, once or twice a week? Or the cinema? It will all help you to build your confidence. How about joining something you have an interest in? The gym, perhaps? A choir? Enrol on a course? All that helps a lot to get you among people and give you confidence.

When you are ready, perhaps try a dating site? There will be no instant result, and you may well meet 20 people before you meet someone you are really compatible with, but it will be worth it if you can manage that.

As a drastic solution: Have you thought of moving somewhere entirely new? If you move to a place like Thailand, there will be many young handsome men who would be very interested in you. In many parts of Asia people like "Western" people, specially if they are a little older. Funnily enough, even a moderate beer belly is considered downright sexy.

All the very best!
:cheers:

Click to expand...

first I would like to apologize to every one for my drunk typing. I normally don't drink.

one of my problems is, I can't go to a doctor I have no insurance. the other thing is, there is nothing to join, not a thing. trust me I have looked every thing is way to far to go like 2h away or to much money. I did join a dating site no one will talk to me. I feel like I will be stuck like this for the rest of my life

You ever get down like that call 1-866-488-7386 they are great listeners

wardell, you certainly seem to be battling some form of depression. Trying to fight depression alone is a lonely and frustrating battle.~X( Check out what services are offered by local mental health clinics.

I don't know where you live but there are sometimes mental health services offered in state or county run clinics. Here, in Los Angeles County we have some excellent mental health clinics. The cost is usually low for people with limited income.

Just don't try to go it on your own. There is help out there somewhere.

You are welcome to send me a personal message and I'll answer you as soon an I can. :big hug:

Talk about the grass being more green on the other side... I feel like I don't get enough time alone and cherish silence. It may sound cliched but perhaps you need a hobby of some sort. Try to focus on whatever grabs your interest and from there, try getting in touch with people who share said interest.

i actually have a lot of hobbys,painting, sculpting, model making, and writing, and video games. but as far a spiritual help goes i have resched out in the past and it did not not go well. i even got thrown out of a church for asking for help and advice. i know the problem is me i messed up. i admit that. i just dont know how to fix it. i have been volumteering at some places. but i can tell they dont wont me. i was at this one place a charity thrift store. and they told me all i was alowed was wash dishes in the back and i could not come out. so i quit and volumteered at the animal shelter no one was willing to work with me one guy even said it to my face. i know that volumteering is a good way to get out but there are just not that many placees Alabama sucks more then a porn star. thank you all for talking to me it helps if you you have any more advice keep them coming

First, a song - because you are not alone. Even people where there are lots of gays and activities sometimes feel trapped like this kid the play Dear Evan Hansen wondering why they can't ever make a connection.


(I have the whole play up here and I think you would really identify with it. But it's a bootleg and the links will probably be taken down by the end of the day, so get to it soon if you are interested.)

The mind is an amazing place. The reality around us is only "there" because our eyes, ears, and skin translate radiation and vibrations into electrical signals in our brain that we interpret as sound, light, touch, taste, smell, thoughts, and memories. It's a wonder any of us can function in the world at all. All we have are these pictures in our minds of what the outside world is like. So if our brains are fudging the facts - how would we know? (Are we in The Matrix?)

We are the stories we tell ourselves. That's what counts. The thing is, those stories often don't have a whole lot to do with what is actually happening on the outside. And if those stories are in fact crippling us, we need to change the narrative just to move forward and keep from getting stuck.

If people criticize you at the animal shelter or good will store that can feel like a traumatic rejection. (Or maybe it is replaying a traumatic rejection from your past.) That is the reality in your mind.

But it is not the only possible story. Evidence for that is the fact that other people seem to be able to bounce back from that sort of thing without a scratch. ("You don't like what I am doing? OK. How can I do better? Who can I work with that does this well that can teach me how to do things better?") For them, someone not liking them or what they are doing is not a dagger to the heart. There is a resilience there; a thicker skin; negative comments aren't personal.

They have a different story going on in their head. The narrative isn't 101 ways I am a broken mess and here is way 102. The story is I am fine and I can give love and the benefit of the doubt to other people. Now those other people criticizing them may still be rotten. Or not - who knows? But starting with the assumption that everyone sees in you the things you hate about yourself and hates them too is a prescription for misery.

You need a lot of help to undo a lifetime of living in a story about yourself where you are the broken rejected thing. You know that, and you can't afford to get that help right now. I understand.

But, you know what they say - the first thing to do when you find yourself digging yourself deeper and deeper into a hole is to stop digging. You may not have the means or plans to get out at the moment - but you can stop digging yourself deeper in.

Here is something to do. Take a small thing. A doable thing. Something that doesn't require somebody else's help or permission. Something that will make your life just one level better and do it. Just to prove that you can. Clean a room. Organize your tools. Plant a garden. Write a two page story or article.

These are called "baby steps". Don't bite off a big project and then feel like a failure when you can't get it off the ground. Just do a small thing well. This helps overturn the narrative that you are a failure. You are not.

If you can do a couple of these, then add a new layer. Do a little something for someone else. Maybe fix something for someone - a neighbor, friend, or family member. Of sculpt something they would like. Just a small thing that can be done in no more than two hours. Baby steps. Give it to them. This unwinds the story that you can't connect or have anything to give to others.

The big stuff is still down there inside and needs to be unpacked. But just like a earthquake fault relieves pressure with tremors from time to time, you can relive some of the existential pressure by doing these small things for yourself and others that prove you are a capable talented person who can love and be loved.

Much love to you on this Easter morning. New beginnings - that's the theme of the day.

wardell, you may never receive better advice in your life than what topdog just posted. Print out a couple of copies and keep them where you can re-read them occasionally: he has focused five years of therapy into a few paragraphs. Not joking: I have two friends who are social worker/therapists. One works with people stuck in poverty, the other works with war veterans. Both of them absolutely agree that topdog gave the best advice you could get at this moment: stop playing that old tape, and try baby steps to help a "new song" emerge in your mind.

It can be very hard to shift gears when your surroundings and experience seem hopeless, but taking small actions will at least help break the paralyzing hold your negative thoughts have on you. I know some part of what you're feeling: when I was 19, I fell into bouts of deep depression I never thought I'd climb out of. The idea that I'd never escape that bleakness terrified me. After a prolonged six months episode, I woke up one day to the thought "sooner or later this ends: this bout is longer than usual, but when it happened before it did end for awhile- maybe if I constantly remind myself it ended before, it will end this time". Soon after, that paralyzing depression lifted, and in all the years since has never been able to take me over again for more than a few days time.

I fight it by heeding the suggestions listed by topdog: they really do work to keep some light in the tunnel. Human beings need to feel they can take action, that they have some control of their lives- no matter how small or minor that control may seem. One positive thought or action begets another, then another, until eventually we propel into a better outlook on life.

Take some slow deep breaths, and consider some of topdog's advice. It should help. If you continue to feel badly with no relief, call a gay hotline and seek some professional assistance. Backwards as Alabama may seem, its still part of the USA: at least we have robust gay organizations offering help. Take advantage of any/all you can get via phone and web.

Wardell, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. The truth is, you're in a bad place and you feel alone. But there are people out there who care. That TopDog gave you his time and wisdom shows how much he cares. And ditto everyone else who has posted here. We care.

I like what TopDog had to say. Let me add to it, with a few random thoughts:

1) If you don't feel useful to yourself right now, then be useful to someone else. Offer to help out a senior citizen who lives near you who could use some help around the house or in the yard simply as a favor. Look into seeing if there is a Habitat For Humanity chapter near you where you can help other civic-minded people build houses for people who need them. Consider volunteering at your local library, or volunteer in some activity that has an interest for you. Get out of your own small-ish world, and get into someone else's. That's always a good start.

2) You are very unhappy. But don't forget that you've won the lottery. On planet earth, there are about 4 billion people who would give their left hand to trade places to live in your misery instead of theirs. You are not being bombed in your house. Your family is not being hunted by the government. No one you know has been arrested and tortured. You are not starving to death. You have good clean water on a regular basis to drink. It may be easy to ridicule such things, but lots of people in the world don't have the luxury you have. It helps to be be grateful for the things you have, rather than fixating on what you don't have. Because you have a lot. You are living in the U.S. You are (I assume) physically healthy. You are likely at a younger-age which means you have many great days yet to come. You can easily dismiss these things, but they are not insignificant. It helps to take stock of that.

3) You say you have no health insurance? Even in Alabama, there is Obamacare. There are subsidies available so that healthcare is affordable for everyone. Have you looked into this? Have you gone onto healthcare.gov?

4) I don't know what you do for work, but maybe it's time to learn a new skill, go back to school, or expand your horizons in some way that will make you a better employee, a better co-worker, or what have you. If you don't have much money, maybe consider getting a second job. Being busy goes a long way towards helping one feel better about themself.

5) One of the best pieces of advice I got when I was at a low point in my life was from an acquaintance who was into self-help stuff (I'm not). She told me something I have never forgotten. When things are not going well, you need to get yourself out of the rut. How do you do it? Simple. When you're in a rut, you're not making decisions. You've stopped fighting and are simply letting events pass you by. That ends now. So she told me here's what you do: a) elevate your standards and don't accept any longer that it's OK to be stuck. It's not, and you need to not accept this in yourself; b) start making decision. ANY decisions. As TopDog and others have correctly pointed out, start small, but make decisions to do something, and DO IT. That will create direction, and then eventually momentum. You can start by cleaning your house or apartment, or getting rid of clutter you've been meaning to get rid of, or whatever it is; and c) Set goals once you are moving again and holding yourself to higher standards. Build a plan that is realistic and can be achieved SOLELY based upon your own consistent actions (i.e.: "I am going to apply for a new job to at least three new companies every week", instead of "I am going to get a boyfriend within 30 days.")

There is no magic solution to these sorts of challenges you are facing. But your problems are completely solvable, and many have overcome these challenges, so you can too! You're obviously someone who wants better for yourself, and you're someone who is a fighter (because you would have never posted the first message if you weren't willing to fight for a better life). So these are good things. Resolve that you will start making changes. I think good things will come from them.

Blizzard - what a wonderful, great and marvellous post. I'm not in the situation of Wardell but your text here has given me as well so much to think over to change some things in my own life (which is really good!). For instance not only to live in our own world and cocoon - but to go out and help others, which are old and helpless or simply poor without own debt. Once more thank you for your evocative post. I love you for it.

And @Wardell: please dear friend Topdog and Blizzard have given here so many good problem solutions and now it is on you to grab them and to give your life a new direction. And I'm sure the day will come that you will say again LIFE IS WORTH TO LIVE!

I heard this today and thought of you, wardell. It says a lot about the meaning of life in such a simple way, its from a childrens book but imagine instead of nursery toys they are talking about a very different kind of toy;

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"



"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

It's neat the way the skin horse knows the answer not just to this question but to the fear of sex one too.

I have depressing days and get the attitude don't want to get up as sometimes it seems like my meds aren't working but sometimes I think my meds are what makes me feel the way I do..but i sit and look at my life I am single gay getting older knowing as get older no one wants older guys--and all I got to do is go to work come home watch tv play games surf net watch porn and sleep and this itself gets depressing at times.

but then I look at the world how other people have to live their lives-- people with cancer--in wheelchair due to accident or illness and sick all the time and I realize that even though my life sucks at times it could be worse--

I take everything carefully everyday--as I know if I let it cross my mind in wrong way the things people say--and trust me that's hard to do day after day.. people tell me what to do every day like I am 5 yrs old some of it I do some of it I don't--


so when you think you got it bad think about others in worse shape than yourself and trust me youll realize life isn't that bad--sure you have your good days and bad days butienjoy life as much as I possibly can because my parents love me and I wouldn't do anything to hurt them

dargelos said:

I heard this today and thought of you, wardell. It says a lot about the meaning of life in such a simple way, its from a childrens book but imagine instead of nursery toys they are talking about a very different kind of toy;

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"



"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

It's neat the way the skin horse knows the answer not just to this question but to the fear of sex one too.

Click to expand...

WOW!!!

What a beautiful little story, so jam packed with wisdom! To get so much truth and wisdom in less than 3 minutes - seriously I'm in awe :thumbs up:

you all give good advice but the problem is most of it is not plausible. I looked in to Obamacare the cheapest plan they have for me is $650 a month! I can't do that and they told me I do not qualify for any help with it, so it is impossible for me to get any insurance and with without any insurance i can't go to the Doctor and get the help that I need and want for my depression so I must fight it on my own. I have call hotlines and all they tell me is I should see a doctor. so you see my problem is an endless circle and I see noway out.
As far as volunteering goes that is out of the question all of the place that want help will not let me help, they told me they have a policy that states that "if you have received any help in the past from them then you are NOT allowed to volunteer"
I know that in oder to have a better life I need to move out of this shit place so I have decided to sell some of my stuff and save the money to try and make a difference in me my life and move
if any of you are curcious about the town I live in here is the town website as you can see there is nothing to do Anon URL if you have any more suggestions I would love to here them