Do you guys ever get nervous before a hook-up?

I'm currious, do you guys ever get anxious and nervous before a sex date? Are you worried if he'll like you or if it will go well?

I usually just feel sexy and ready to go.

Of course it depends on how well you know the person.

For situations where it is a blind or Grindr type hook-up you never know what you are going to get, and you have to keep assessing the situation. And that goes both ways. I once arrived at someone's apartment only to be told that he decided to hook up with someone else. Yes, I turned down other offers, drove halfway across town and was turned away at the door like I was a Jehovah's Witness or something. You take your chances.

Damn, that bitch! You must've been pist...

It's one thing to meet with someone you know, then it's all good. I'm talking about meeting someone for the first time ever, with the intention to fuck...

Have you ever met someone and decided that you don't find him attractive enough and just left?

cody2018 said:

...Have you ever met someone and decided that you don't find him attractive enough and just left?

Click to expand...

No, I can't remember ever just taking one look and turning around and fleeing the scene. Though, I think that if you don't want to have sex you definitely do not have to and that you should feel free to get up and walk out the door at any moment.

So far, I have been able to find something mutually pleasurable that I felt comfortable bringing off. So, no, I haven't said "Check, please" and exited stage right. But I have radically scaled down the encounter to something I found manageable.

But that works for me because I like sex to be an improvisational exercise where I read the room and figure out moment by moment where to go next based on what I get from my partner. Where I get flummoxed is if my partner is somehow emotionally shutdown or completely out of touch with their own pleasure. Shame or trauma can do that to people sometimes. And if they're not giving me anything to work with then I am fucking blind, metaphorically. You do your best and try to get them back in touch with their sexual selves.

But bottom line, always remember that casual sex is just that. Don't feel obligated to have sex. Treat your partner with respect, but don't feel forced to "put out" just because you are there. If you need to leave then take responsibility for your decision (don't blame the other person) and leave.

"I'm sorry - I thought I really thought I could do this but I am just too uncomfortable. It's been great to meet you but I am just feeling weird about this, and I better leave."

You don't have to lie - although lots of men and women do make up an excuse. But just make it your fault and your feelings, and no other explanation is really necessary or owed. If you don't feel comfortable, then gracefully bow out. But do realize that he could have been having sex with someone else so you did waste his time - that deserves an apology. But leaving is always your prerogative.

Now, I just went thorough a scenario for doing this politely. But if you feel physically unsafe or sense any kind of danger, then courtesy is optional. Safety is always the top priority. If you want to be a gentleman about it you can always call or text an apology later - from an undisclosed safe location.

topdog said:

Where I get flummoxed is if my partner is somehow emotionally shutdown or completely out of touch with their own pleasure. Shame or trauma can do that to people sometimes. And if they're not giving me anything to work with then I am fucking blind, metaphorically. You do your best and try to get them back in touch with their sexual selves.

Click to expand...

This is exactly my problem - I have trouble opening up to people (not literaly...well, maybe even literaly ) I don't like my body, so I feel shame. Also I'd prefer relationship and if ever hook up it's to get the pressure of. But it mostly ends up being akward due to my anxiety.
Also I live in a small town in a small country - there's not much choice here and those who wan't to meet with me aren't the one's I'd've chosen as my first choice... In the end I just end up being even more frustrated.

You are not alone. Many people, men especially, find it hard to become comfortable in their bodies and connect with and enjoy sexual touch. We live so much of our lives in our heads and not our bodies.

Plus we are bombarded with images that tell us that men look a very specific way and if we don't look like that then we are wrong and should be rejected. The key is to realize that men come in all shapes and sizes and what makes sexuality incredible is when we can be physically and emotionally naked and ready to give and receive touch and love from another person.

I know of a group that facilitates that - it is the Body Electric School. They do seminars and weekend workshops dealing with touch, massage, and accepting yourself and your body.


There may be other programs like that and I hope if anyone knows of any that they will share.

But I have done Body Electric myself and it was just amazing in the way it opened me up for new experiences.

topdog said:

You are not alone. Many people, men especially, find it hard to become comfortable in their bodies and connect with and enjoy sexual touch. We live so much of our lives in our heads and not our bodies.

Click to expand...

Yeah, but it's one thing to open up to someone close to you (like your BF) or a random stranger...

topdog said:

Plus we are bombarded with images that tell us that men look a very specific way and if we don't look like that then we are wrong and should be rejected. The key is to realize that men come in all shapes and sizes and what makes sexuality incredible is when we can be physically and emotionally naked and ready to give and receive touch and love from another person.

Click to expand...

So, so true! It damages both our selfasteem and our perception of beauty and sexuality... I'd be lying if I said I don't find muscular guys sexy, while at the same time I'm far from it myself...

cody2018 said:

I'm currious, do you guys ever get anxious and nervous before a sex date? Are you worried if he'll like you or if it will go well?

Click to expand...

I've been hooking up with guys that I'm meeting for the first time for a number of years, and yea, there have been plenty of times where I have been nervous or anxious on my way to the meet.

Like TopDog said, when it's a blind date you never know what you are going to get. Unless you've been able to prove that a photo is recent, or have cam/chatted with the guy before hand, you never know if the photo's you've seen are going to be accurate.

Sometimes I get nervous or anxious because I want to guy to like me in person as well as with the chat. It's like when we have a really great chat before hand and hope that we can carry that over to the in-person meeting.

There have been a lot of times though where either the guy that I'm going to see changed his mind when I rang the doorbell and got a look at me. This was mostly because when I was 18 and 19 I looked a lot younger and guys didn't want to take the chance. And there have been times where I have said no upon meeting as well. I have found a lot of times that some guys just look better in photos then they do in person. I'm always polite though since I haven't entered their house or hotel room, or where ever. And yea I've been called a few names when doing that.

Then also like TopDog said, there have been times where I've gotten uncomfortable during the "presex" conversation to break the ice. Sometimes it what the guy said, sometimes it's the condition of the house, and sometimes have been because of the toys the guy has on display. Then I just make a nice exit. Sometimes it's hard, but until I feel comfortable with the guy I always try to keep myself between the guy and the door.

But I think that being nervous, excited, or anxious about meeting someone that you haven't met before is just natural. It happens to me in non-sexual situations as well. Job Interviews #1. Going to new groups or clubs #2.

And to answer the question directly from your first post: Yep, I've decided to leave plenty of times because I didn't find the guy attractive enough. I don't blame the guy, and I don't blame myself either. When I hustled I had sex with plenty of guys who I didn't find attractive. But when I get to have a choice it's something that is going to be on the table.

cody2018 said:

This is exactly my problem - I have trouble opening up to people (not literaly...well, maybe even literaly ) I don't like my body, so I feel shame. Also I'd prefer relationship and if ever hook up it's to get the pressure of. But it mostly ends up being akward due to my anxiety.
Also I live in a small town in a small country - there's not much choice here and those who wan't to meet with me aren't the one's I'd've chosen as my first choice... In the end I just end up being even more frustrated.

Click to expand...

I've had the same problem, even though my body never has been that bad. I just started to exercise bit more, cause body is one thing you can improve, and it has other benefits too: exercising helps self-esteem, you feel more energetic etc. Once I liked my own body, it was easier to think other will too.

And I don't get nervous before sex dates, I get nervous if I really like the guy, and maybe could want bit more, even have a slight crush on. With sex dates you really can't loose anything else than sex, and then you can just wank it off

And I've noticed that people often demand qualities from others, even if they themselves don't have them. Many want younger, athletic bodied guys, even they themselves are bit... well not so athletic. I've had good sex with people, who don't look like pornstars, but look quite average.

And with sex dates, I've just recently had my whoring phace after my break-up, and am atm kinda bored of only sex dates. And I got my first ever std..:duh: Now I just chill a bit, focus on myself, my friends, and start dreaming about some kinda romance Actually one guy wants bit more with me, and I've had a crush on him before... Now that kinda thing makes your emotions go from frustrated to bliss 'does he like me, why hasn't me messaged me today' etc:rofl: Sex dates are easy, everything else requires bit more