asking someone if they are gay

is it wrong to ask someone if they are gay? I have a neighbor who I think is gay like VERY gay but I'm not sure. we are not close or any thing but we do talk form time to time. is it wrong for me to ask if he is gay. the reason I want to ask is because I'm hope he can tell me how to meet people and were to go stuff like that. would it be ok to just come out and ask him or what? THANKS:big hug:

wardell said:

is it wrong to ask someone if they are gay? I have a neighbor who I think is gay like VERY gay but I'm not sure. we are not close or any thing but we do talk form time to time. is it wrong for me to ask if he is gay. the reason I want to ask is because I'm hope he can tell me how to meet people and were to go stuff like that. would it be ok to just come out and ask him or what? THANKS:big hug:

Click to expand...

I don't think it would be wrong to ask someone if they are gay or not, but I usually try to lead a conversation to something that would let me know if they are or not. The way I usually approach it is to steer a conversation to a point where I can ask: "So do you have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend?" Then I just wait to see how they answer. It doesn't always work because they will just give a "No" without saying which way they go. But most of the time they will answer "No, I don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend right now", or something like "yea, I've been going out with this one boy/girl for a while now."

I think going that way is more polite than flat out asking, but I don't think that just asking would be wrong. My opinion at least.

I wouldnt be that relaxed about being asked ST8 off the bat by a stranger, because that can seem a bit jarring if you havent chatted & smiled together.
I remember I had a little conversation while waiting in a car garage safe area with a fellow customer, He began with 'takes for ever in here' etc. & then after a bit He asks me if I work out? Followed by He admires that.
There's the perfect start if both are interested.

The key is to be casual.:cheers:

here is what just happened. I just let him borrow one of my ps4 games, when I handed it to him I asked " do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
"it depends" he replied "how personal is it?"
"very, but I'm not asking to do mean or nosey or anything like that"
he stound there smiling at me holding the game I just lent him, out in the hot sun, as the uneventful eclipse loomed over head. What the hell was I thinking? I asked myself. "we'll talk latter" he said as he walked away "are you sure?" I asked "it's not bad or anything" I added " I'm sure" he replied as he walked up the stairs back to his apt.

now I wish I just kept me mouth shut

well why not say something like some of these singers like Bieber look pretty hot I can see why they have so many followers..

It's a good question. A few thoughts:

• If you are going to ask someone to come out to you, it's only fair that you take the first step and come out to them first. When you do that you are building a bridge of trust and inviting them to cross it.
• People will take their cue from you as to whether they should be comfortable with the conversation. If you treat it as no big deal, then they can say yes or no and be assured either answer is OK. However if you are nervous and make a big deal out of it then the tension rises and it feels like some kind of official statement is being required.
• Ultimately you telegraph your own comfort with your own sexuality and that sets the stage for these conversations. The more comfortable and powerful you can be in your own skin, then easier you make it on everyone around you. And the easy way to rack up power points is to come out as often as possible. Coming out is you taking control of your own destiny rather than passively waiting for things to happen to you.

So this is a great opportunity - take it and look for more opportunities to come out to people you meet. It makes you more confident and alerts nearby gay men that you are available.

wardell said:

here is what just happened. I just let him borrow one of my ps4 games, when I handed it to him I asked " do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
"it depends" he replied "how personal is it?"
"very, but I'm not asking to do mean or nosey or anything like that"
he stound there smiling at me holding the game I just lent him, out in the hot sun, as the uneventful eclipse loomed over head. What the hell was I thinking? I asked myself. "we'll talk latter" he said as he walked away "are you sure?" I asked "it's not bad or anything" I added " I'm sure" he replied as he walked up the stairs back to his apt.

now I wish I just kept me mouth shut

Click to expand...

Its not a big deal. I think you are courageous under the cirstances, & do not attack yourself as a result of his cool/detached manner.
Maybe he is shy & acting cool maybe not, but you were doing a basic function as a human being & trying to communicate, dont let it put you off! He maybe not a potential friend, but as I have experienced myself 'You do not know what is comming around the corner' it sounds corny, but good friends are worth waiting for!

well he came over yesterday to bring back my game and i just ask him. he is gay I came out first he said he knew that. I asked him if he knew of a place to meet people turns out there a a gay club about an hour away from here he said he will take me one day I wish he would but I doubt it.

So it sounds like this happened:

• You came out to him
• He came out to you
• You have an additional gay friend
• You know of a new gay club you can visit

Overall, a lot of positive results there. You did great!

topdog said:

So it sounds like this happened:

• You came out to him
• He came out to you
• You have an additional gay friend
• You know of a new gay club you can visit

Overall, a lot of positive results there. You did great!

Click to expand...

:agree::agree::agree::agree::agree:

Totally agree with TopDog. Even if he doesn't go with you to the gay club, at least you know of it now to go there yourself. I know that I've said things like "yea, I'll show you someday" without the actual intention but just the trying to be friendly part. If you two do have a good friendship going then maybe he will take you with someday. Maybe give it a month or two and see if he invites you. If not, if you havent found it yourself then ask him where it is because you were thinking of checking it out, then see if he offers to be your wingman again. Hope all goes well there!