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Can't cum in my boyfriends bum

topdog

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...It's still being a problem. My boyfriend has said that it might be because I'm putting too much pressure on myself but how do I stop putting so much pressure on myself?

I'm 100% with your boyfriend. For some reason, you are defining sexual success as ejaculating inside your partner. If you were a straight couple and wanted to have a baby, I could see why that would be important.

But you are GAY! Hooray! You are free from those expectations. You define your sex life as whatever works for you. If you fuck your boyfriend and he gets off and then you get off - however that happens - you have just had great sex!

No one is judging you on this other than you. So, how to move past this? How about making a list of dirty sexy things you want to do to your partner, or for you partner to do to you? After you fuck (assuming fucking is something you enjoy, if not then stop doing that), just go to the next item on the list. Don't think of anal sex as the big finish, but just the prelude to the next item on the menu.

Remember, you are not an uptight straight man who can only do sex one way and must produce an heir. You are a free and freaky gay dude who can do whatever the fuck he wants!
 

lhardwick69

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well if you can cum by jacking off I say you fuck him for while then pull out jack off and keep head of your dick at his hole--then when cumming slam it in-- that's what we did --wasn't the same but maybe after time few times doing it your dick will shoot inside him--don't let this bother you and your bf shouldn't either--it happens and I am sure guys in porn have same problem--I seen few porn where the guy fucks and fucks forever-- pulls out jacks off and shoots cum at the hole then slides it back in--so more than likely this is why he jacks off and shoots load into his hole as goes back in--the cock is a funny thing--there are big ones lil ones skinny fat ones cut and uncut--guys last 3 minutes to an hour--do not let this bother you--if it bothers him that bad then he doesn't love you for you just for what he wants from that cock--and if you are bf's then its one of them things have to cope with
 

Turtle2345

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Thanks for all your replies guys.

The weekend went well. The evening before we saw each other we were talking on mic and suddenly we found that the issue was that I was seeing sex as always finishing with cumming so he said that he would show me that cumming is not the finale by using a butt plug on me after he had finished fucking me. He did this and it was great.

Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to top him. We did try but it got a bit painful for him as soon as I tried to go in him. So I asked him if he wanted me to try a butt plug or my finger. I tried both but it was still just not working for him. He has said before that he doesn't really see himself as a bottom instead he sees me as the perfect bottom.
 

dragonscub

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Perhaps you are more of a natural "bottom"?

He has said before that he doesn't really see himself as a bottom instead he sees me as the perfect bottom.

This could be a very big factor in why you have difficulty cumming inside him: you simply might not have the instinctive desire to top, and without that urge to drive you, cumming that way will be difficult. Or, he may not really be into bottoming, which would take some of the fun out of it when you top. These days, everyone seems to pattern their sex lives after porn, where all the guys are "versatile" (swapping top and bottom roles). But that isn't necessarily the natural inclination for everyone in real life: most of us tend to intuitively get off more on one or the other, not both. Swapping is lovely if you are both truly versatile, but if one of you lacks the instinctive "topping" urge it isn't going to be entirely successful.

Sexual personality conflicts also come into play. Most of us lean more toward top or bottom, but are adaptable if our partner is able to stimulate our more "dormant" side. In my own case, I instinctively identify as a bottom, and that is what gets me off during a wank. But the partners I attract are almost always bottoms who assume I'm top and view me that way. After awhile, I learned to enjoy topping, and easily cum that way.

However, my ability to top is HIGHLY dependent on my partner's sexual attitude: if he is a bossy, insistent, jaded "power bottom" with a "fuck me RIGHT NOW" approach, it ain't gonna happen. For me to top in a manner that both of us will enjoy, my partner has to be more subtle. There is a fine line between feeling your partner is hungry for you to fuck them as part of their overall response to you, and feeling they have no other use for you aside from wanting you to fuck them. Personally, I don't get off on being used as a living dildo, or pressured into feeling I'm not "man enough" if I don't rape them as soon as I walk in the door.

As another example, I have a good friend who has your same issue of not being able to cum while topping. His sexuality is almost entirely focused on giving oral pleasure to a partner: he loves to suck, and gets off while doing so. But as luck would have it, he projects a very "straight" image, and due to this he primarily attracts all manner of eager bottoms (but very few guys who want to be orally serviced by him). He has adapted to this somewhat, since almost everyone he attracts either wants to suck him for hours or wants him to fuck them all night. They have a grand time with him, because he can stay hard and keep going forever, but deep down he is very dis-satisfied because he is not getting what he really needs: to suck them off. He can fuck for hours only because *it doesn't really get him off*.

Long story short: stop, take a breath, and look honestly into your sexual heart. When you think of having sex with your partner, what act or role immediately comes to mind as a turn on? If topping him isn't the first or second thing that pops into your head as "hot", then thats your answer: topping simply doesn't get you off to the point of cumming (at least not with this man). Relax, and take the pressure off yourself. Since he has told you he thinks of you as more of a bottom, maybe you can agree that you won't top him every time you get together? He might not even need you to top at all: ask him what he feels is necessary to be satisfied.

Of course, if you DO enjoy the act of topping him, and it DOES really turn you on, the problem could be his "bottoming" ability (if NEITHER of you truly wants to bottom, and BOTH want to top, the relationship can't work). But if he's receptive to being topped, and you want to top him, don't pressure yourself to cum inside him. Some guys, even exclusive tops, have difficulty cumming that way. If you are young, and relatively new to having sex with a partner, or have been out of circulation awhile, or live in an area where partners are scarce, it can take a long time to switch your brain over to the different sensations involved. Many men become subconsciously addicted to triggering their orgasm by wanking in a certain way, which can make getting off with a partner rather challenging.

Over time, you can explore and learn different ways to trigger your orgasm, but not everybody reacts the same way to every stimulation. You may find you just can't reach that final trigger while topping: if so that is perfectly normal. Some guys can't come from oral, or a handjob, or whatever. Doesn't mean you can't enjoy the activity for what it is, just means you need to do something else when you want to cum. With the right partner, these differences can be an advantage, because you might last a long time at something they enjoy!

Its all good: just relax and be happy. p:p
 

Turtle2345

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When I wank I generally wank to the thought of topping and having a cute ass in front of me so maybe I'm the versatile one in the relationship and my boyfriend is a top.

So I think it's more a case of I don't do good at topping him (when he lets me) because I know he isn't enjoying it very much.
 

cowboy73

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When my boyfriend and I first stopped using condoms I became obsessed with cumming in his ass. But at first for whatever reason it was difficult to cum inside him when I was fucking him. I could fuck him for hours and still not cum and he would finally say "Do you mind just jerking off?" As he had cum twice and over an hour ago. And I was like "But I want to cum inside you." And he said "You still can. Just get right behind me and jerk yourself off until you get right to the point of shooting and shove your cock inside me just to shoot." That worked beautifully. And after that it wasn't so hard for me to cum inside him when I fucked him. Occasionally I would still do it if I was just wearing him out. He was 19 years my senior. Poor guy. I probably wore him the fuck out. I still resort to it sometimes today (20 years later) Although not with the same guy. I wonder what ever happened to Jimmy... hmmm.
 

lhardwick69

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met a guy with same problem if thats what you would call it--we figured out that an anal plug did the trick-- first few times he fucked me I thought he was going to fuck my hole raw--then he would pull out jack off and as went to cum slams it back it---then a guy told us about anal plug did the trick for his boyfriend so we got one and he fucked me 20 minutes or so then shot hard inside me we both were happy
 

kwhotboi

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I love butt plugs both during sex then in after to keep his cum in me.
Have kept one in me all day and kept smiling more as I sat on it and it worked my prostate.
 

Otage

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Many people have ruined their penis in a way, especially young guys. They watch lot of porn, jack off a lot, and they sometimes may need more and more kinkier porn to get off. And when they get on with a woman, they can't cum, cause the stimulation is so different than your hand, and the reality is different. Real sex is something your learn with everybody, it can sometimes be bit clumsy at first. In sex you are not suppose act (like in porn), but to feel, enjoy, not to achieve something.

If you are used to getting off by masturbating, then stop it. Just enjoy sex, don't cum. Have anal, enjoy it, forget the cumming. Focus on pleasing your guy and your penis. If you are enough long without cumming, I'm quite sure you will cum while doing your guys ass. The more you stress about cumming, the more it's in your head, the more it stresses you, and the more it stops you from cumming.

When I started sex, I couldn't cum at all. I first came when one EX made me cum with tenga egg. Then I kinda got one emotional block away. Then I learned to cum when he gave me BJ. Then I learned to cum in ass, when I found the good position, was super horny, was relaxed, and hadn't cum in a while.

SO!

1. Have sex only when you feel like it, enjoy the sex, the journey, don't rush to the finish line. In fact, forget about the finish line. Focus on the passion, feeling good, enjoying.

2. You can do what ever to make you feel yourself good, but only allow yourself to cum in his bum. It may take a week or more, but eventually you are gonna cum if it's not something deeply psychologigal (which I think is unlikely)

3. Talk with your guy, tell him about your plan, cause othervise you will just stress more, that will he get upset if you don't cum etc. If he supports you on this, and he won't stress you to cum, it will be easier.

Worth a try maybe, and hopefully it helps:)
 

Otage

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Search more info, it's known as "death grip". Not saying you have it, but same kinda mechanism may be behind your difficulties of cumming in your bf's ass.

But don't stress about it, I myself don't cum every time, and that doesn't bother me, or my current bf. Love is what matters.
 
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