Fetish Advice if you need it.

I'm putting this out there for anyone and everyone. The erotic and sensual play activities known as Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism - termed BDSM, have been around for way over a century, more likely several hundred years in one form or another. BDSM can include restraint in various ways and positions, blindfolding, mouth-gagging, percussion play which is spanking, paddling, strapping, flogging, whipping, caning, etc.; CBT (cock and ball torture), nip torture, hot wax, electrostim, and other assorted activities that intentionally create painful stress.

Naturally, these are not for everyone, and for those who play in this fetish genre, it's always consensual. Since many guys like to experiment, stretch their own limits and try different stuff, I am offering to be a resource point for answers to your questions on how do I do it, is it safe, how much, etc. My background is one of extensive play as a Top or Dom in BDSM for many years - way more than some guys' age who frequent this site.

I'm not really seeking comment on BDSM or any particular practice, rather I am offering to provide answers, experienced advice and some general encouragement to anyone at any level of BDSM -interested, newbie, experienced, whatever. No legitimate question is too trivial or silly or foolish, and BDSM exists at all levels. You never know, the answer to your question may help numerous other men who read the posts. The point is to enjoy the activity and have it serve as a sensual trigger for sexual release. Anything is good, from mild to wild, so long as one understands what they are doing and what safety precautions (if any) they need to exercise.

So pose questions and I will answer them in as timely a manner as possible. Why am I doing this? :thinking: Easy.....I'm not seeking hookups or any partners or subs or slaves with whom to play ---- I just want to help by providing sane and relevant info that looks at all sides of a particular question. To be informed is to have power.

I believe we should all function with this motto in mind: YKINMKBYKIOK - "Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Okay".

Safe, Sane and Consensual play is where I live.

Ask away!

Ok, two questions I've always wondered about.

1 . How long can a bottom guy safely keep a butt plug inserted? Overnight? A day? A weekend? I like the idea of a bottom being plugged all the time. My concern is, I remember something called Toxic Shock Syndrome which came from having a tampon inserted too long. Can a bottom man also get TSS if he keeps a butt plug inserted too long. I asked this question of other Topmen and have gotten blank stares to outright denial. I realize that a woman's reproductive tract is loaded with germs, and fungus which are likely different from those in the male hiney, yet I still wonder about this one.

2. Is it possible for a bottom man's nips to go gangrene from being clipped/clamped too long? After a while of being clipped the nips no longer have any sensation of hurt. The boy can wear them indefintely. Is this safe though? CAn blood stop circulating to the point where the tissue can die? Is there any clearcut answer to this? Has it ever happened? Any anecdotes or evidence that this is a legitimate concern? Such as evidence of medical treatment?

Somehow the term "percussion play" sounds a lot less erotically appealing to me than "spanking", "paddling" or "whipping".

jeansGuyOZ said:

Somehow the term "percussion play" sounds a lot less erotically appealing to me than "spanking", "paddling" or "whipping".

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Yeah, true that. However the term percussion play is legally accurate yet sufficiently nondescript to allow those who sell toys and implements for that purpose to do so without being bothered by authorities or the credit card processors. It's getting better, but we're not yet to the point that of overall acceptance by the world at large. I often use the term corporal discipline, which does deliver more of a descriptive tone, in some cases.

Hey, it took years and years for we gay men to be able to have outlets such as this one at GH. It may take a bit longer for corporal discipline afficionados to achieve the same acceptance level.

Excellent questions and thanks for them, Behrluvr. They are connected and I will attempt to explain without getting way too long in the post.

Behrluvr said:

Ok, two questions I've always wondered about.

1 . How long can a bottom guy safely keep a butt plug inserted? Overnight? A day? A weekend? I like the idea of a bottom being plugged all the time. My concern is, I remember something called Toxic Shock Syndrome which came from having a tampon inserted too long. Can a bottom man also get TSS if he keeps a butt plug inserted too long. I asked this question of other Topmen and have gotten blank stares to outright denial. I realize that a woman's reproductive tract is loaded with germs, and fungus which are likely different from those in the male hiney, yet I still wonder about this one.

2. Is it possible for a bottom man's nips to go gangrene from being clipped/clamped too long? After a while of being clipped the nips no longer have any sensation of hurt. The boy can wear them indefintely. Is this safe though? CAn blood stop circulating to the point where the tissue can die? Is there any clearcut answer to this? Has it ever happened? Any anecdotes or evidence that this is a legitimate concern? Such as evidence of medical treatment?

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Okay, first off, TSS happened due to tiny scrapes on the vaginal wall when ladies inserted tampons. The insertion device of either cardboard or plastic was not thought out well, and some of them had slightly rough edges. All it took was a tiny opening in the delicate mucosa of the vagina (sorry guys ) to allow bacteria to quickly enter a woman's bloodstream without any protection. The resulting infection would quickly overwhelm the body's immune system and this did result in many deaths. Tampon makers have smartened up considerably and those feminine hygeine products are much safer now.

So back to dildos and butt plugs in a guy's ass. It's not cool to leave them in for a long period. How long? No real definitive data, but a couple of hours is about the limit from what I have determined. Remember that the same rough edge thing can cause serious health issues to a guy, so anything that goes up the rectal channel needs to be silky smooth and very well lubed, as the ano-rectal area is not self-lubricating. The other issue is that the plug may impose sufficient pressure on arteries within the walls of the sigmoid bowel (that lower 12 inches wherein we play) to reduce circulation. That can have serious consequences - nerve damage, eventual loss of sphincter control (you will shit your pants without being able to hold it in), and even gangrene which will need emergency surgery to save a life. As for germs, the butt is just as laden with nasties as is a woman's vag.

So there's the connection between butt plugs and nip clamps. Any part of the body that is pressed or squeezed for a time will experience loss of circulation. Short periods are fairly safe, and my own preference is to apply nip clamps for up to 20 minutes, release them (which causes exquiste agony when the blood returns to energize all the little pain nerve endings :devil, and then reapply them after a while. I do this repeatedly during sessions of several hours and my subs keep coming back for more without anything other than bruised nips for a day. I have not heard of specific quoted instances of tissue necrosis or permanent damage from nips clamped overly long - but that may be due to lack of reporting, not from lack of occurrence. I would advocate playing it safe, in order to play again and again.

I have a question, hawtsean. When are you coming over for a visit, so I can feel your implements on my arse?

jeansGuyOZ said:

I have a question, hawtsean. When are you coming over for a visit, so I can feel your implements on my arse?

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Lack of ample vacation time and a budget that allows for air travel to OZ are the main drawbacks. The spirit is totally willing, but the tides of my bank account and vacation time available are at low ebb just now.:worried:

If my teleportation machine was working (damn it's on the fritz again), I'd swoop over and tan your ass well and good jg!:butslap: I can play at percussion all night long if needed !

hawtsean said:

If my teleportation machine was working (damn it's on the fritz again), I'd swoop over and tan your ass well and good jg!:butslap: I can play at percussion all night long if needed !

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In the immortal words of Capt. Kirk: Beat me up, Scotty!

jeansGuyOZ said:

In the immortal words of Capt. Kirk: Beat me up, Scotty!

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And the Science Officer on that ship was Mr. Spank, right? (Thought it was Capt. Crack and Spunky the Chf.Eng.)

hawtsean said:

And the Science Officer on that ship was Mr. Spank, right? (Thought it was Capt. Crack and Spunky the Chf.Eng.)

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Not forgetting Boners, the ship's doctor.

jeansGuyOZ said:

Not forgetting Boners, the ship's doctor.

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Also not forgetting that Riker's nickname was "Number 1" (Thank God there was no Number 2. )

I wonder how Riker got his nickname? Hot fantasy eh?

Behrluvr said:

Also not forgetting that Riker's nickname was "Number 1" (Thank God there was no Number 2. )

I wonder how Riker got his nickname? Hot fantasy eh?

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Well, in old British naval terms, Number One was the first officer, the senior executive directly responsible for delegating the Captain's commands to the various sub-officers. The creator of Star Trek maintained that naval tradition rightfully so, since outer space is often referred to as a sea, and space vessels are termed ships.

hawtsean said:

Well, in old British naval terms, Number One was the first officer, the senior executive directly responsible for delegating the Captain's commands to the various sub-officers. The creator of Star Trek maintained that naval tradition rightfully so, since outer space is often referred to as a sea, and space vessels are termed ships.

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Ahh, I thought it was some nickname Picard came up with. ANyways, its still a hot fantasy if Riker was into manwater. It would be hot to see him drinking from the hose.

Staying on topic

So let's leave the fantasy of Star Trek and get the thread back to my purpose: offering to provide answers, experienced advice and some general encouragement to anyone at any level of BDSM.:thumbs up:

Ok, here's another....


I know jack shit about tying knots. I see some vids here on GB such as Bownd Gawds stuff where the top effortlessly rope ties a bottom man, often in seconds . When I try this the knot looks stupid, falls apart, take forever to tie, and basically is as strong as a dandelion.

I'm not interested in elaborate ties, I'd like to quickly tie the wrists and / or ankles, and make it extremely hard to get out. I'm interested in function, not artistic ties. I don't find that stuff erotic anyways, but I do find it hot for the bottom to be unable to get free.

I use 'cuffs and they are very satisfying, but I'd like to know how to use a rope just as effectively as metal.

hawtsean said:

So let's leave the fantasy of Star Trek and get the thread back to my purpose: offering to provide answers, experienced advice and some general encouragement to anyone at any level of BDSM.:thumbs up:

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Oops! Yes sir (blushes with hand over mouth)

OK here's something to discuss: I think a lot of guys might be curious about various forms of S&M and bondage but be a bit nervous about completely submitting to someone they don't know well. The spectre of Jeffrey Dahmer is still around at the back of some people's minds.

On the other hand, unless you belong to a club where there is the security of group supervision, it's necessary to take a few chances if you want to get anywhere at all. So how does one proceed?

I have never been confronted with the issue, since I have never been to anyone's place who expressed interest in tying me up or that kind of thing. It may happen in the near future; there is a guy on Recon who lives not far away and has said he would be willing to accomodate. I did once back out of a CP session that involved being hit with a wooden paddle (just standing, not tied up). I felt he was hitting a bit too high up, running the risk of doing damage, and I also was a bit put off by the fact that he seemed to treat the whole proceedings very seriously, as though he was treating it as a real punishment. That kind of role play does nothing for me. Sex, or anything sex-related, should be fun as well as sensuous. Let's face it, there is something inherently funny about a guy such as myself standing with his pants down and legs apart, getting whacked on the arse with a paddle.

Behrluvr said:

Ok, here's another....


I know jack shit about tying knots. I see some vids here on GB such as Bownd Gawds stuff where the top effortlessly rope ties a bottom man, often in seconds . When I try this the knot looks stupid, falls apart, take forever to tie, and basically is as strong as a dandelion.

I'm not interested in elaborate ties, I'd like to quickly tie the wrists and / or ankles, and make it extremely hard to get out. I'm interested in function, not artistic ties. I don't find that stuff erotic anyways, but I do find it hot for the bottom to be unable to get free.

I use 'cuffs and they are very satisfying, but I'd like to know how to use a rope just as effectively as metal.

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I think you are seeing a combination of a very experienced rope user, and some good video editing. Proper restraint and knots DO take a little time, even simple ones. One way to restrain wrists and ankles is to pre-form loops with slip knots (technically a bowline and maybe a clove hitch on top of that). Google ropes and knots and you should find out what those knots are and how to make them.

Myself, I prefer plastic tie wraps which can be applied in seconds and cut off quickly with a small pair of sidecutting pliers. Tie wraps come in various lengths and widths, and if you shop around you might be able to find (online) a source for the pre-made plastic riot cuffs that the cops use. They are big enough (in the loop) to apply to ankles, wrists and even thighs.

jeansGuyOZ said:

OK here's something to discuss: I think a lot of guys might be curious about various forms of S&M and bondage but be a bit nervous about completely submitting to someone they don't know well. The spectre of Jeffrey Dahmer is still around at the back of some people's minds.

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And well it should. Throwing caution to the winds may sound gallant and edgy and very brave, but it's foolhardy and one can wind up maimed or dead if some sicko gets you restrained with no way out.

jeansGuyOZ said:

On the other hand, unless you belong to a club where there is the security of group supervision, it's necessary to take a few chances if you want to get anywhere at all. So how does one proceed?.

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With care and common sense. Setting up a meet over coffee at a public place where a discrete chat can ensue is what I do, and I am the Top! I don't want to mess with anyone who is a nutjob, even if I am tieing them up! So either way, some serious email first, then a phone call to hear and gauge by voice, then set up a coffee date. During the face2face, you should either get a good vibe or not. If you decide to play, get the exact address and phone of where the session will take place. Give that info to a trusted friend, with the instructions to call authorities if they haven't heard from you in a reasonable time - time to enjoy the session and either get back home or spend the night with the Top. Calling the trusted friend within the established timeline is an absolute lifeline, and is one of the most trusted and proven methods for a safe session. Once you've subbed for a guy a few times, you get to know each other, and ground rules may be altered to provide more experimentation and less formality.

Be safe always.

Behrluvr said:

Also not forgetting that Riker's nickname was "Number 1" (Thank God there was no Number 2. )

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jeansGuyOZ said:

Oops! Yes sir (blushes with hand over mouth)

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Right lad, that will earn you extra strokes! And speaking of same, I wanted to respond to this comment separately:

jeansGuyOZ said:

...................and I also was a bit put off by the fact that he seemed to treat the whole proceedings very seriously, as though he was treating it as a real punishment. That kind of role play does nothing for me. Sex, or anything sex-related, should be fun as well as sensuous. Let's face it, there is something inherently funny about a guy such as myself standing with his pants down and legs apart, getting whacked on the arse with a paddle.

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Some guys want to actually experience a punishment session that is conducted seriously - much like a flogging in the old British navy or perhaps a reformatory punishment. Others like to regress in role play to teenage boyhood, when a good deal of corporal punishment was administered by parents and educators at school.

However, much like your self-description, there are a growing number of dudes who simply want to enjoy the tingle and sting of a "spanking" - some form of percussive force to their butt - by which they derive purely an erotic arousal without the inherent expiation of guilt need, represented by the other role plays as mentioned.

I work with all kinds of scenes with all three types as outlined, but I don't get into extensive roleplay personally....no costumes or custom-built rooms to simulate whatever. A bit of dialogue and the appropriate implement does fine.

To each their own.