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Sam Smith: Stop Grindr, it’s ruining romance

W!nston

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I agree with this fellows point of view.

Sam Smith: Stop Grindr, it’s ruining romance
PinkNews | By Gaz Jeffries | 19th August 2014, 6:31 PM

Sam-Smith.jpg

Sam Smith has attacked the hookup app Grindr

Recently out singer Sam Smith has attacked hookup apps Grindr and Tinder for “ruining romance”.

The Money on My Mind singer told the Metro: “No offence to people who go on Tinder but I just feel like it’s ruining romance, I really do.

“We’re losing the art of conversation and being able to go and speak to people and you’re swiping people.

From my experience the most beautiful people I’ve been on dates with are the dumbest, so why would I swipe people who are ‘unattractive’ when I could potentially fall in love with them?

“Stop Tinder and Grindr!”

He added that he has found a potential boyfriend the old-fashioned way, saying: “I’ve been on a couple of dates. I’m good at dates. I used to get really nervous but now I’m better.

“There is one particular guy that I’ve been on a few dates with. I like him but who knows?”

Earlier this week he denied rumours that he is ‘in talks’ to record the theme tune for the next James Bond film.

Smith, who revealed in May that his album was written about a man he had fallen in love with, previously claimed people need to “act” equal if they want equal rights.

He said: “I would say just be yourself. Don’t make it an issue. Let’s make it a normality.”
 

dargelos

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Men used to wait around in public toilets to meet up for quick meaningless sex, now all the public toilets are closed so they use cellphone services to meet up for quick meaningless sex. Nothing has really changed.
A fella with the good looks and charm of Sam Smith won't have to wait long for a boyfriend whatever dating system he uses.
What I want is a smartphone app you can use to replace all those toilets that are no longer open, like an iPiss or a You-rinal.
 

haiducii

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Sam Smith is a musical genius

Never been on Grindr...heard from my friends that's a meeting place for sex...it's always "u top or bttm?'' :thinking: But I'm sure it can still also be used to make friends.

Sam Smith came out as gay in a new interview with The FADER->LINK

sa5.jpg


If you haven't yet heard of Sam Smith, you're missing out on a true musical genius.

 

gb2000ie

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Grindr is not compulsory!

Grindr and things like it only attract people who want a quick fuck. People who give a shit about personalities and romance and shit will never be attracted to Grindr, so it is having a grand total of zero effect on anyone except those who would be, and were, out getting a quick shag before Grindr.

B.
 

hhindd

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Grindr is not compulsory!

Grindr and things like it only attract people who want a quick fuck. People who give a shit about personalities and romance and shit will never be attracted to Grindr, so it is having a grand total of zero effect on anyone except those who would be, and were, out getting a quick shag before Grindr.

B.

It also attracts men gay men in relationships who are curious & horny, & can cause trouble for the long term partner.
 

gb2000ie

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It also attracts men gay men in relationships who are curious & horny, & can cause trouble for the long term partner.

Wouldn't those same people find men to have sex with without Grindr? It's not like mankind hasn't been cheating for as long as mankind has existed!

If all that's stopping you cheating is that it's soooo hard, you're not exactly good at the monogamy thing!

B.
 

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I met my guy on grindr, and I have met many hook-ups on grindr. It's great. I mean who has time to lurk somewhere, just waiting for some romantic fairytale to happen? And it really depends where you live. Here you can be openly gay, but we still have only one gay club in my town. And nowadays you only see who is for sure gay, are the ones who have some rainbow scarf on them, and that's not my type.

I mean we set up a date to a coffee place for the next day we had started to talk in grindr. I could go there after work. There's no chance we have met other vise. And the worst lying sluts can be found on gay clubs. In grindr they don't bother to hide their true nature by lying, since there is so much loose sex and fast. They always ask those "top bottom? Penis size? Body pics?" etc. On grindr they don't need to "suffer" few dates with no sex.

Sam Smith seems be talking purely from his own point of view. He has a opinnion, but girndr in many places is one of the few very good tools to find romance and/or sex, and he can just choose to keep on seeking romance else where as he likes, but that doesn't mean others should be denied the bossibility of using grindr. It's a tool, use it for your own goals, but be carefull and don't hammer on your fingers.
 

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You make a valid point Otage. Grindr is a tool and like you said be careful ... don't hammer your own fingers with that tool.

It's not the tool that does the damage. It's the user.

I'm glad you have positive experiences with Grindr especially since you met your new beau there :)
 

Stonecold

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Sam is right - these apps do help kill romance. I don't think it should be banned though. I think my being a senior gives me a different look at this because I see the results of only being out for just sex. I have several friends in my age group that spent all there lives cruising and never taking time to really know people or find that special someone and I see the despair and loneliness they suffer because of that. We need to stop thinking only with our dicks. Late teens and even into the twenties it might just fine but
there will come a day if you don't take the effort you will regret it.
Happiness is more powerful.
 

Stonecold

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Yes they were available, I remember a rest area in Marianna Fl a town of about 12 thousand people in the panhandle of Florida around 30 miles from the Alabama state line in the late sixties and early seventies that was so festive some queens even painted it and installed curtains. I in my late teens had countless good times there until the state after many crack downs and other attempts to stop all the Gay activity finally had to bull doze it down to stop it.
 

gb2000ie

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Sam is right - these apps do help kill romance. I don't think it should be banned though. I think my being a senior gives me a different look at this because I see the results of only being out for just sex. I have several friends in my age group that spent all there lives cruising and never taking time to really know people or find that special someone and I see the despair and loneliness they suffer because of that. We need to stop thinking only with our dicks. Late teens and even into the twenties it might just fine but
there will come a day if you don't take the effort you will regret it.
Happiness is more powerful.

But is Grindr causing people to go look for quick sex? Or is Grindr a success because people are looking for quick sex?

People seem to think that Grindr is some sort of cause, I really don't think so, if people had no interest in quick sex Grindr would be just one of the millions of other failed apps in the bit bucket of life!

Grindr, like Fox News, is trailing indicator, filling a niche created by society.

Many people want easy hookups, so Grindr was written to satisfy the market demand!

Focusing on Grindr is backwards. Focus on the importance of building lasting relationships, and if you succeed, Grindr will wither on the vine.

B.
 

havocs

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You cant blame the app, it's the people at fault. The app is just a medium that is used, hooking up has always been a part of the gay culture, but romance is still there. There are still guys that don't just want to hook up, they may be more difficult to find but they (we) are still out there. I have learned to stop looking at those sites for anything other than the type of people who want to hook up or pre-judge. Venture out more and go to places and join activities/clubs that will engage you if you want to build relationships.
 

gb2000ie

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A market also creates demand. Also those apps make things a lot easier.

Ease does not affect motivation.

No matter how easy something is, you won't do it if you're not interested in doing it!

If ease of use makes something increase, that's a sign that people wanted to do that thing all along, not that the newly found ease made people suddenly want something they hadn't wanted before!

One can compare it with moving to a bigger town. In the small town one lived before, everybody tried to be nice and to show his best side. In a bigger town one does not see anybody twice. There is no reason to be nice, in fact any effort invested into anything which does not result in an immediate return is a complete waste. Apps like Grindr shifted the whole world a step into that direction.

Only assholes are assholes in big towns! Decent folks are still decent folks in big towns!

Again, anyone who becomes an asshole in a big town always wanted to be one.

The big town didn't create the assholes, it just highlighted their existence!

This is something which does not only hit the (gay) dating world, but practically everything which involves commitment into another person and his or her services. Sort of globalization.

IMO it affects no one who is looking for meaningful relationships because those people will not use the 100% optional app!

I don't have any interest in easy sex, so, I don't have Grindr.

Anyone who uses Grindr wants what Grindr offers. If they didn't, they would never have sought out and installed the app!

B.
 

gb2000ie

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It does, as motivation is always balanced out against effort and cost. Things are by far not that binary. There is a motivation for everything. If someone has a long term relationship and claims he has not had that fantasy at all, he is lying.
I agree that the idea has to be there, but the idea and the idea of following that idea are two different things. Reality has good mechanisms to increase the threshold which prevents one from becoming the other.
That is how new markets get created. This is how Apple operates for quite some time now.

Apple find a way of making it easier to do something we want to do in a way no one else had come up with before. Apple products are not some kind of magic that make us develop new wants, their skill is in finding the wants no one else has catered for yet.

I don't cheat because I think it is hard to find someone to cheat with. It's bloody easy, and always has been! I don't cheat because I know how much hurt it would cause my hubby.

It's really not about ease of finding booty!

Have you ever lived in a small village? There is a politness which when used in a big city would just raise suspicion. Like: greeting everybody on the streets. In a village you would be an asshole not to do that. In a city you would be a weirdo to do that. It is a shift of culture, people intuitively make.

I see what you're saying, but, I'm not sure I see how it applies to Grindr.

In a village, some people are nicer than agerage, and some less nice than average. The same is true in the city. How that is expressed is different, but the ratio remains the same. Nice people are nice people, and assholes are assholes, move 'em around all you want, and they are what they are.

This translates to having breakfast after sex, having a coffee before sex, knowing each other's names before sex, feeling awkward about forgetting the name of someone who came across your whole body just a few days ago... all of that can be okay under some circumstances and be very strange under other.

But if you're not interested in one-night-stands, you're not interested in one-night-stands!

I grew up in a small village in rural Ireland, and lived about half my life there, then moved to the greater Dublin area in a University neighbourhood well known for it's above-average gay population and have lived the other half of my life here.

In rural Ireland I would have found it difficult to find casual gay sex, had I had any desire to try. In the university environs it is trivially easy to do. The change of ease has had ZERO effect on my level of sleeping around.

Grindr is just the next moving from village to city. I could download it right now and find some bloke to shag, probably within a few hundred yards of my keyboard, but I have no interest at all in doing so.

Maybe I'm a complete freak of nature, and everyone else on the planet who is not sleeping around is only not sleeping around because it is sooooo hard to find partners. Maybe, but I really don't think so.

Pretty much everyone I know looks for a serious relationship while using this or another app, while that app at the same time offers the kicks which decreases the probability for relationship to happen.

We clearly move in different circles.

Everyone who eats at McDonald's really wants a big heap of fat in his body.

No - everyone who eats in McDs is hungry, and Mc Donalds makes 'food'.

Hunger is a universal want, casual sex is not.

Those who want casual sex can get it easily, those who don't don't give a flying fuck how much easier an app makes it to do something they don't want to do.

Grindr offers an opportunity people would not take if it would not exist.

Utter bollox! If that were true sleeping around would be a new thing - it sooooooooo isn't!

B.
 

gb2000ie

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I don't think we are going to see eye-to-eye on this one jazzeven.

Ultimately, I see Grindr as and effect of how modern society is, and you see it as a cause.

I don't know of any way to actually determine which it is, so I think the best we can do is agree to disagree.

B.
 

W!nston

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It seems to me promiscuity has been around a long time. Str8 and Gay cultures alike. I think American society as a whole is suffering from short attention span syndrome and needs spontaneous gratification with shorter and shorter intervals between climaxes. It's the throw-away consumerism that drives these changes. There is no putting the genie back in that bottle. It has to play it's self out. The pendulum will swing to the opposite end of the spectrum at some point. Let's hope Gay Equality and anti-discrimination protections have been secured by law before that happens or America will make the current Russian Gay-Hating Laws and Culture look like a picnic. America with all it's religious nutjobs will hunt us down and look for a 'final solution' to the Gay problem once and for all - or at least that would be my biggest fear.
 

gb2000ie

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Not really just a cause. But also more than an effect. I don't think there is a clear difference between both, when the effect becomes part of a culture and therefore cause or at least catalysator for further effects.
This is why I think not seeing Grindr as a factor is as wrong as blaming it for something which is essentially a change of culture which is happening anyway.

So you see it as part of a feedback loop or some sort? Probably a negative feedback loop?

B.
 

gb2000ie

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I get the feeling most of us participating in this thread don't like the move towards an 'instant gratification' society. I certainly don't see it as a positive development.

I can also accept that Grindr can in some small way reinforce the desire that created it. If we did not have an instant gratification society we would not have Grindr, but we do, so we do, and that makes the instant gratification culture more normal to everyone, so it can continue.

How strong that feedback loop is we can probably argue about till the cows come home. I think jazzeven sees it as quite a strong effect, while I'm more sceptical. I doubt the effect is zero, but I'm not convinced it's significant either.

I can see an analogy to McDonalds, and junk food in general. If we did not have a desire to eat quickly and cheaply McDonalds would not exist, but we did, so it does, and not it makes that desire seem more normal, and so the fast food culture becomes normal.

How do we respond to that though? By trying to somehow limit or even shut down McDonalds/Grindr? Or by trying to change minds about instant gratification?

I think focusing on attacking Grindr is focusing on a symptom rather than on the disease, so I don't think there's much point.

Also, in a free society, how could you actually shut down Grindr? I know you cna do think like for McDonalds to label their 'food' more clearly, so we all know how fatty, salty, and sweet it is. What would the Grindr equivalent of enforced labelling be?

If I talk about Grindr at all, I focus on how unnecessary it is, and how utterly optional it is.

I hope I haven't misinterpreted or misrepresented anyone's opinions here?

B.
 

dargelos

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There's a site called Gay Heaven that contains links to thousands of porn shorts, all designed for men looking for a quick nut. Even more instant than grindr, more, much more, gratifying than McDonalds. The overwhelming majority of members never post anything, they just come here so that they can come here. That is as wrong or as right as grindr is wrong or right. It's always nice to see members writing something here in between porn sessions and it's always nice when men fall in love instead of having shallow encounters, but each has to choose his own way, through Gay Heaven and through real life.
 
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