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How to entertain yourself

mrduke

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I believe I wrote this in May, not sure, but laying it out there for critique.


Having been without cable and internet services for four days now, I have learned some things about myself, and I thought I’d share, and perhaps a story or two.

The most useful gift I have ever received came from my Brother in Law, James Dalton. I mention this, because I rediscovered it. It is a combination AM/FM radio and flashlight. It operates two ways, one on two AA batteries, and here is the best part, a hand crank generator! The generated power lasts longer on the flashlight, and I have to wind like a madman to listen to the radio, but we are talking about killing time here, not at all complaining. The second most useful gift is the “As Seen on TV” steam egg poacher I got for Christmas this year from my sister Candy, something I have yet to use but am confident it will perform stunningly!

Using this radio as my only form of entertainment, I believe country music is best listened to on an AM radio. It reminds me of our long travels in the car with my dad Earl behind the wheel. As we motored from county to county, the stations would fade in and out, but all we listened to in those days was dad’s county music. Wow just making that statement made me remember in those days the tubes in the radio had to warm up before the radio would come on! Kids today would find that strange, I believe.

Over there just to my right, in the closet I count 13 pair of shoes. 13 – Really? Yep, I wear them all, but not all at once! I also see two vacuum cleaners, one was very expensive (the first one I ever bought, before that they were all hand me downs) and it takes 3 hepa filters, one sponge and one cotton filter to operate that bag-less sucker. I hate to use it because it is not maintenance free, and very heavy. The one thing in its favor is it has every attachment necessary to clean a home. Now the other one is an extremely old Hoover Power Drive (I even like saying the name). I like it because it’s the only thing I own that is front wheel driven and I don’t even have to put gasoline in it, and it works really well!

I am amazingly sloppy here in my office. Gross I had to stop and clean it! Let me describe the memorabilia here on my desk. To the left a memento from my trip to Sydney, an award given to me by my former Team in the Valley declaring me the “World’s Greatest Boss”, a gift from a former colleague on my 50th birthday (a caricature of an old man whose pants are pulled up over his bulging belly with big ears and nose with the inscription “You’re never to old for a Booty Call”), an I heart NY shot glass and on the right side another 50th memento (also a caricature on an 80’s something woman posed like Marilyn Monroe standing over the thing that blow up her skirt with the inscription “Still the Sex Goddess”) and other things reminding me of my trips to New York, and the James Avery cowboy boot I bought Dad probably over 30 years ago when he finally left the field and got an office job. The last wood work project he was working on just before he passed away (may God rest his soul). There is barely enough room on my desk for my laptop and printer!

Back in the salad days I had a house keeper whose name is Margo Smith. I miss Margo because #1 she is funny and, B, she cleans house so much better than I. It is so sad to think the days of her employment with me have gone forever.

Having a pay cut so dramatically teaches one austerity for sure. I don’t use the dry cleaners near as much anymore, yet I hate doing laundry. For example in the same closet mentioned above, I have no less then three laundry hampers. Procrastination has a name and it is Duke.

This will not come as a surprise to anyone that knows me, particularly my sister’s and best friend Toy, but I have an extremely nasty temper when provoked. I have improved over the years and approach anger in a different and mostly mature manner, but I do occasionally have my moments.

The whole reason for having written this is because I have no other way to entertain myself, you see, I started this out by mentioning I’ve had no cable or internet for several days. It all started because I had not paid my bill. Now this fly by night shim sham operation here at the property where I live will absolutely not work with you when it comes to paying the bill. The austerity program I mentioned above requires patience from everyone I owe, and they know I will make good on a debt, but patience is key! So back to the cable company, they restored my services on the condition I pay the bill on Friday (which I did at two in the morning). Because I did not call them and give them the confirmation number by 12 noon (my mistake), they shut it down completely. When I left for work on Friday morning, they dispatched a service man to restore services, but I left no affidavit with the leasing office giving permission for entry. Long story short he will be here today, but last night I got a call from the collections department from TV Max (the mom and pop shim sham Cable Company) telling me they were dispatching yet another service man to pick up the cable equipment. I hope you’ve stayed with me thus far because this is where it gets good (or sad). I returned the call and politely asked for the lady whom had left the message on my voicemail. I gave her my account number and patiently waited while she pulled up my file. I then asked her if she was intelligent enough to look at my file and see that in fact the bill had been paid, further if they wanted to pick up the equipment after all, they would find it at the bottom of the swimming pool in front of my apartment, and IF a service man even dare knock on my door, I would consider it harassment and call the police. Bada bing, bada boom, ala Earl Nay (my Dad whom had a sort fuse when it came to temperament).

Gosh the last episode of “Lost”, on tonight. The end of a tangible memory of mother (may God rest her soul). It was the first season of Lost when she got sick. She was in and out of the hospital so much, I recorded each episode and she watched them while I hospiced her in my home. Boy do I ever miss my momma….

Now just in case some of you think writing this was a waste of valuable time, I have also done 5 loads of laundry and completely cleaned my house and patio. Maybe not the way Margo would, in fact, so not the way Margo would, but it is cleaned, and I entertained myself at the same time!

Cheers!
 
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