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Coach apologizes for anti-gay remark in front of gay player

W!nston

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Coach apologizes for anti-gay remark in front of gay player
The Charlotte Observer | Associated Press | March 25, 2016 3:28 PM

GRAND JUNCTION, COLO.
A Colorado Mesa University assistant baseball coach apologized Thursday for using what an investigation concluded was an anti-gay remark in front of a gay player who said he eventually left the game because of homophobia.

At a news conference organized by the school, Sean McKinney issued his apology about a remark he made about the 1998 murder of Matthew Shephard in Wyoming in front of players, including Tyler Dunnington.

"That is not who I am as a person, and I would never intentionally hurt anyone," said McKinney, who also said he called Dunnington to apologize.

Dunnington, a pitcher, was drafted by the St. Louis Cardinals in 2014 but retired a year ago before spring training. Last week Outsports.com wrote about the 24-year-old's decision to give up baseball and reported that a comment from an unnamed college coach that "we kill gay people in Wyoming" lingered with him the longest of the remarks he heard over his career.

The March 16 story prompted Colorado Mesa to hire a law firm to investigate. The Daily Sentinel in Grand Junction (http://bit.ly/1RB6Ymx), which obtained a copy of the investigation report, reported that McKinney told investigators that he said something similar to what Dunnington alleged but was certain he did not use the word "we."

Dunnington was not interviewed by investigators. According to the report, he spoke with Colorado Mesa's vice president for student affairs, John Marshall, after the Outsports story but did not want to identify who made the remark.

The investigation concluded the remark was a "poor attempt at a humorous comeback about (McKinney's) home state" and recommended that McKinney be disciplined or undergo training rather than lose his job.

University President Tim Foster said McKinney would not be fired.

"Rather than shying away from (his comment), he owned up to it and took it on directly, realizing that ... it could cost him his job and certainly his reputation in the community," he said.

Cardinals general manager John Mozeliak told The Associated Press last week that he's "very disappointed" to learn about Dunnington's experience, adding that "our hope is that every player, staff member and employee feels they are treated equally and fairly. Cardinals manager Mike Matheny said he had been told about the allegations and that the team would "try to figure out ways so they can have an atmosphere where they can be as good as they can be."

SOURCE

So he admits making the comment "we kill gay people in Wyoming" to a team of students he coaches as an educator at that school but he 'will not be fired'? And the school will "try to figure out ways so they can have an atmosphere where they can be as good as they can be."? WTF?

I read this story a week or so ago but didn't post it here because frankly it sounded a little contrived but after reading there is evidence the former baseball pitcher's story is true I had to post this and make a comment.

That coach should have been fired and an investigation into the schools history of homophobic educators should be done by the Colorado Bureau of Investigation. I wonder how many other student athletes have suffered this type of psychological bullying and torment. I wonder how many have suffered emotional problems or committed suicide as a result of this coach and other educators' and persons in positions of authority at that school behavior.

This burns me up.
 

gb2000ie

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Allow me to play devil's advocate for a moment.

From what I can see there is no hard evidence here - just a "he said, she said" kinda thing.

In that situation, the coach could have very easily just denied it. Then what?

Instead, he owned his remarks, and it seems, now understands the damage he did. If his apology to that young player was real and heart-felt, then what I see here is a good-new story.

A guy who could very easily just have protected himself by just denying the allegation chose not to do that. He chose to do the honourable and morally correct thing. He seems to have actually learned something - to have gone from a perhaps un-thinking homophobe (it's just indemic in sports culture), to a thinking human being who understands the damage homophobia is doing.

An alternative way to look at this is as a good news story - a reformed homophobe. Who better to help spread the work to other coaches than a guy who used to be a part of the problem, and then came to understand why the status-quo is so bad.

As I say - just playing devils advocate - the above interpretation only holds IF his change of heart, and his apology to the kid are genuine.

If the apology and change of heart are fake, well, then he's just a slime-ball!

B.
 

W!nston

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Leopard's cannot change their spots.
 

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Leopard's cannot change their spots.

Thankfully people are not Leopards.

People can and do grow.

B.


I think beyond the analogy, it is about not having a fixed mindset or perception towards people. They might have deep seated hatred and anger but if we do allow for the possibility that they can let go of those emotions and accept, we might be filled with hatred and anger ourselves- which is not exactly healthy.

Being more accommodating and kind might not change people who are (unfairly) biased against homosexuals, but it would make our lives a more meaningful one, I think. It is important to note though that at the same time, we should still put in place measures to protect ourselves, like removing ourselves from the toxic environment, and not allowing ourselves to be victims.
 

W!nston

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That threatening reference to Matthew Shepard's murder came from an educator and coach and was used as a tool to teach and instill fear in any homosexuals on the team and that was inexcusable. This wasn't something that just popped into this guy's head. It is part of who he is.

He apologized because he knew the truth would come out anyway even if he denied it. Other students might have come forward and confirmed it. His self serving apology didn't take away any of the damage he had done. He is not fit to be an educator. No amount of politically correct understanding will change that.

The bigger problem is with the school's administration and the pervasive anti-homosexual atmosphere it allows. This coach new he would not be fired when he 'apologized'. He knew his job was safe. It was an insult added to injury - IMHO of course.

Remember that he admitted saying 'we kill gay people in Wyoming'. That is a threat against Gay people in Wyoming and at that school. He should be charged with making terroristic threats. Instead he is still 'teaching' and 'coaching'. I guess the lesson to learn from this is don't attend that college if you're Gay and if you do avoid participating in sports.
 
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gb2000ie

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@sniffit - given that we have only the barest amount of facts, both interpretations are equally valid. You can be the glass half emty guy, and I'll be the glass half full guy. In reality, there may not even be a glass!

Something I think is important to bear in mind is that not all homophobia is deep-seated. Sometimes it's just cultural, and people can and do snap out of that kind of incidental predjudice all the time.

B.
 

W!nston

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Let's swap the murder of Matthew Shepard for a threat about lynching black people. Would you still defend this man?
 

gb2000ie

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Let's swap the murder of Matthew Shepard for a threat about lynching black people. Would you still defend this man?

You mistake my belief that maybe he's really changed for a justification of the initial offence.

At no point did I ever say that what he said was acceptable. I said that maybe he's actually realised how wrong it was, and that his appology is genuine.

B.
 

W!nston

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Let's say he apologized for a 'lynching black people' threat to a student. Would the black community accept his apology and allow him to continue teaching black students? I mean realistically - would they?
 

gb2000ie

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Let's say he apologized for a 'lynching black people' threat to a student. Would the black community accept his apology and allow him to continue teaching black students? I mean realistically - would they?

If he had geuninely changed, of course they should.

Who better to advocate for ending homophobia than a former homophobe?

It all depends on whether his apology was genuine. If he meant what he said, then this is a good news story - man sees the light.

If he's just lying to save his skin, then he's scum.

I can't judge from this distance, and neight can you. You've assumed he must be scum, I'm entertaining the posiclity that he might not be.

B.
 

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I grant you that he may truly be contrite. If that is true then he of all people should realize the need for him to step aside from his role as a coach. Maybe he could begin a new career as a motivational speaker on campuses nationwide and help make the world a better place for the millions of us who are captives in homophobic situations like campuses and workplaces.

He admitted his hurtful words and deeds but has paid no price. That sets a bad example - in my humblest opinion of course.
 

W!nston

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Okay. I was looking for the original article about the baseball pitcher who quit baseball because of all the homophobia he has had to deal with since high school and into the major leagues and I found an article from OutSports about that coach which I will post after these two pics.

Here's a pic of the coach and a pic of South Park's PC Principal (all in good fun and meant in a humorous way):

22273781db9fa3f90af4a0022839693ca5ea6bb4.jpg

Sean McKinney

222738077dbac2e956ee645ec5e4b3f563de64a0.gif

South Park's PC Principal

Baseball coach who said 'we kill gay people' apologizes, promises to effect change
Outsports dot com | By Cyd Zeigler | Mar 24, 2016, 3:53pm

Sean McKinney, a baseball coach at Colorado Mesa College, has accepted responsibility for making anti-gay comments to his baseball team a couple years ago. The comment, bragging that in Wyoming "We kill gay people," came to light last week in an Outsports article about former player Tyler Dunnington.

Dunnington did not name the coach or the school (he played at three different colleges) because he wanted to have a broader impact on the entire sports culture. The school's internal investigation led them quickly to McKinney, who owned his role in the matter. This afternoon he apologized publicly for his comments, and he called Dunnington to apologize to him personally.

"As the story spread and more stuff was revealed, it got really tough this week," McKinney told Outsports in an exclusive interview. "I'm forever in debt to the people in this university and my friends and family. They know my true character. Some of that is in question, obviously, because of what's gone on with Tyler's story. But I would never harm anyone on our team. This week I'm sure this has been questions about how I feel about Tyler. I hope he's OK. I called him this morning to apologize. I want him to have a good life."

The school has told Outsports it will not fire McKinney, but will instead use his genuine interest in making amends to move the entire campus forward on understanding LGBT issues. Earlier this afternoon McKinney had lunch with a number of LGBT members of the CMU community. He said the stories they shared were eye-opening for him.

"I feel so much empathy. The stories that I've listened to about them coming out and how tough it's been, and the gut-wrenching feeling they've had, is similar to the feeling I've had this week. I want to help them. I want to help raise awareness not just for our team but for our campus."

McKinney said his anti-gay language from the past was the result of lack of awareness. He said he had gay friends but never connected his comments to being anti-gay. It's something we have heard in the past from people like Kobe Bryant, who were raised in a locker room culture in sports that has in the past paid little regard to LGBT people.

"I just haven't paid much attention to it because I don't care what or who anybody is," McKinney said. "I've made some off-the-cuff comments, and one in particular was not right. Tyler heard it, and I apologized for it. Through this process I'm learning everyone's stories and what the impact of our language is."

McKinney said this week has been life-changing for him, at one point realizing his comments could lead to him losing his coaching position. He's grateful for the opportunity to help make change.

"This has been a tremendous learning experience. In meetings with our president and people across campus, I think this is going to go in a very positive direction. I'll focus on my team and my guys to raise awareness. This is an experience we can use to move forward. I've talked to all of our players. We've had conversations, and they've gone great. And that will have a ripple affect across our campus. Lots of people want to be on board with this.

One of those people is associate athletic director Kristin Mort. As a member of the LGBT community, Mort told Outsports she has never experienced anything but respect from McKinney.

"I can attest to the fact that there's a disconnect between what someone genuinely feels and believes, and the crap comments that come out of their mouths," Mort said. "I've never felt disrespected by Sean because of my partnership with my wife."

The school has already engaged One Colorado and the school's gay-straight alliance to install programming across campus to further deepen the acceptance of LGBT people at Colorado Mesa University. The athletic department is also now working with the You Can Play project to bring about story-telling and training within the athletic department to avoid the kind of crude locker room language Dunnington heard from McKinney.

"I know the truth of who I am as a person, and with our culture, we need to continue to grow," McKinney said. "I knew I had to make a change, and I want to be a part of that change, and I’m very thankful that lots of people here want to move in a positive direction."

SOURCE

So. I admit it. I stand corrected :blushing:

Maybe this guy has changed and maybe he can find more ways to help LGBT youth by promoting a good example.

I still think he should step aside and move on to become a motivational counselor/speaker.

And he is a hottie too ;)

I think PC Principal is a hottie so maybe that is why I got so pissed at this coach to begin with. He reminded me of a hottie cartoon character who I have a crush on. He was my fantasy and he "fuckin' crushed it bro'"
 
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gb2000ie

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// deleted - I should have read ALL the posts in the thread before replying!
 
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gb2000ie

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So. I admit it. I stand corrected :blushing:

Thanks man - such a nice change to see those words on the internet :big hug:

Maybe this guy has changed and maybe he can find more ways to help LGBT youth by promoting a good example.

I still think he should step aside and move on to become a motivational counselor/speaker.

Why assume he has the skills to do that well? I'm assuming he has the skills to be a good coach, and, what's more important, he understands the lockeroom environment, and what about it needs to change. It strikes me that he can do the most good by staying on as a coach and fighting homobhobia on his home turf.

Do we know whether or not the kid was out when all this happened? The reason I ask is that it changes the dynamic of the situation a lot.

If the kid was not out, then what we have here is a man who was unthinkingly homophobic.

If the kid was out then those same words take on a much darker tone - they become actively malicious.

The impression I get reading the quotes is that the harm he did is coming to him as a revelation. I assume that means he was mearly unthinking rather than malicious.

The un-thinking homophobia is the low-hanging fruit in the war against homophobia. People who are un-thinkingly doing harm can be enlightened. It's the poeple who are pro-actively homophobic that are the problem.

I'll give you a little anecdote from my own life to explain the difference.

My brother worked in the building trade when he was in his 20s. Builders are laddish in their culture - not unlike a stereotypical locker room, especially when you wind the clock back a decade or two.

My brother would use the word 'gay' as an insult. He would say all kinds of homophobic clichés that he picked up in work. They were just things everyone said. There was no intent there.

When I came out to my family, I came out to everyone except that brother, because, I assumed the homophobic comments meant he was a homophobe.

Some time later - perhaps half a year, he phoned me up and he was very upset. He was horrified that I didn't trust him enough to come out to him, and wanted to know what he had done to alienate me. "I'm your borther, how could you think I wouldn't supprot you?"

So I explained about the homophobic clichées - and he was genuinely stunned. He had simply never thought about the actual meaning of those words. What they really meant. How they would affect a gay pereson.

We made our peace, and he has been nothing but supportive of both me, and my hubby.

He's not in the construction industry anymore, but from the day I explained to him until he left, he always challennged anyone using homophobic language on the sites he managed.

This coach could be like my brother. If he really has seen the light, the very best place for him is in a locker room.

I hope that explains why I've been prepared to entertain the posibility that the apology was genuine from the start of the thread.

B.
 

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I saw a news report a few years back about a an anti-Semite, who belonged to a hate group. I believe that it was the KKK, but might have been another such white supremacist group. I don't remember exactly what the incident was, but it resulted in him meeting a rabbi. It was life changing for him, to the point that his feeling towards Jews resulted in him calling out these hate groups and him getting death threats from these former "friends" of his, but he continued to speak out against them and became close friends with the rabbi. Towards the end of the story, he revealed that he was in the process of converting to Judaism. So, people can change. I think that he got tired of hating and the toll that it takes on the hater. It caused him to look deeper into the life that he was living and stopped swallowing everything he was fed. The same may be true of this coach. It could have been his Eureka moment. Let's hope so.
 
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