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Future with your partner - Do you see it?

Otage

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Started to wonder about my own relationship, and I just can't seem to see our future. Do you others usually have some vision of future shared? Do you believe that your relationship will last to that point - what ever it may be - in the future?
 

W!nston

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The moment I saw my partner for the first time I was dumbstruck with his physical appearance. His muscular body strained against the seams of his close fitting clothes. He noticed me, walked over and whispered "I have a big dick. Wanna see?" He walked to the Men's room and I followed. The chemistry between us was instant. It seemed we already knew each other. I knew that night I wanted to be with him forever. We've been together more than 36 years.

It wasn't so much as seeing ourselves together in the future. It was more of seeing our lives leading up to that moment. How every thing we'd ever done and every step we'd ever taken led us to that moment where we met for the first time again.

I know you are having doubts or you wouldn't be asking us about this. So my advice is to think about the time you first met. Did you think about how your life had led to that moment when you met him? If so then I'd say you have a good future ahead of the two of you. If not then you will just have to work a little harder to build that familiarity and connection in order to have a long, loving future with him.

I hope that helps Otage my friend.

:)
 

dargelos

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Depends what kind of person you are, some types need a plan, as if romance has to be organised like a business venture.
I can't speak for that way of life, I can only speak for myself. All I've ever done is live in the moment, taking each day as it comes.
One day turned to ten days. Ten days to a hundred then to a thousand. Ten thousand have been and gone and it seems like ten minutes. There was never any concious decision, it just happened. Mother Nature doing what she's best at. She is good, you can trust her.
This song explains it better than words can.
 

Otage

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Wow beautiful replies!:applause: Well, I'm bit doubtful, but maybe it's because of my studies at school where every where is said things like: For families future plans and goals are important, for relationships plans and seeing the future is important etc. Just made me think, BUT at the same time I believed that the relationship is ours, we make it, and ofc it can't follow some theory. But I got bit curious, that do couples usually have some grand goal, that's all:p
 

topdog

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With my late partner and also with my current boyfriend, it isn't so much about seeing "forever" or old age in the plans. It is more like I want to be with him now and there are still so many more things for us to accomplish or work towards together. It's kind of like I can see the next ten steps ahead - but beyond that I'll see when I get there.

I don't know how to hold in my brain ideas like "We will never be apart". I've seen too many people exit the stage unexpectedly to trust something like that.

And, as Wendy tells Peter Pan "Never... is an awfully long time."

But, sometimes you just have to step out into the unknown, take someone's hand, and... fly.

 
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gb2000ie

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On the one hand, myself and my partner do see ourselves being together until the end. On the other hand, we both had our doubts at various times in the past. In fact, it took breaking up for both of us to realise we really did want to spend the rest of our lives together.

B.
 

Shelter

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On the one hand, myself and my partner do see ourselves being together until the end. On the other hand, we both had our doubts at various times in the past. In fact, it took breaking up for both of us to realise we really did want to spend the rest of our lives together.

B.

With this statement I can be compliant for 100%.
This year in July I'll be together with my partner for 13 years. We have had good times, very good times, bad times and very bad times. The last "very bad time" happened only some months ago. But always we've come together again. Sometimes I really hate my partner from deep of the bottom of my heart and, so I believe and know, vice versa.
But always our love is stronger than all these idiotic wranglings. I need him soooo much and I think he too needs me.

Some of our friends have changed their partners. Or they haven't a firm partner and like it to hook up. And some of them are laughing about us and call us an "old couple" and they think that our sex must be boring in the meantime.

But everything is nonsense. Love with a long time partner is something wonderful. I don't want to miss it. And I hope so strongly that both of us will growing really old together.

And after all this long time I've always heart throb when he is coming to me, put his strong arms around me and is kissing me and then ....... No it is not boring and I think it will never be boring!!!! :heart::heart::heart:
 
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dragonscub

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If the "now" does not feel fullfilling there is no point in imagining a later. And if it is, there is no need for it.

Agree 100% :thumbs up::thumbs up::thumbs up:

I cannot imagine a more concise, more perfect response to this question.

No matter what any poets, pragmatists and porn fans might say: in the end, its always completely subjective to your own gut feelings. And even then, half the time your gut instincts are either muddled or completely wrong. Loving another person in a committed relationship is wonderful: its also a tremendous waste of time, resources, passion, and energy you may well wish you had spent elsewhere in hindsight. Taking a long-term lover may be the single most frustrating thing any of us ever does, but also the most rewarding.

My current partner and I have been together on and off for nearly 17 years. I love him more insanely, am attracted to him more intensely, than I ever thought possible for one human being to feel for another. But he's the most annoying, frustrating, irritating, self-centered, stubborn, temperamental bastard I've ever met in my life: a disturbing proportion of my thoughts involve hurling him off a cliff while I laugh maniacally. We are an absolutely dreadful match in terms of personality and compatibility: of all the gay and straight couples I've known, we're the most hopelessly ill-suited.

And yet... 17 years after meeting we can't seem to live without each other. We break up bitterly like clockwork every three or four years, sometimes not speaking for months, until we can't stand it anymore and one of us hits the reset button. We honeymoon for a year or two, find each other the most delightful thing in the world for awhile, then some petty disagreement triggers a deep well of resentment to explode. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I wouldn't recommend such a volatile relationship to anyone else. The passionate highs are addictive, but the lows are exhausting. I often wish I had "settled" for one of my previous relationships that were less passionate but far more stable and productive. My partner and I never grow our relationship or expand our horizons together: we're Bill Murray & Andie MacDowell in Groundhog Day, repeating the same pattern over and over but never really learning anything. With my previous partners, we learned something from each other, made a lifelong positive mark on each other, despite eventually breaking up after four or five years. With this guy, I'm on a perpetual first date that doesn't go anywhere.

Defining a "successful" relationship is tricky. I know more than a few gay couples who were very practical in selecting their partners. They love them, but not in the ridiculous "Romeo and Juliet" fashion that I love mine. They prioritized compatibility over passion. Those in expensive cities like New York, Los Angeles or San Francisco often choose a partner who shares goals like investing in a home or apartment together, so they can live better than they would independently. Gay men used to tell the joke "What does a lesbian bring on her second date with a woman? A moving truck!" - but now they often do the same thing, evaluating relationships fairly quickly for co-habiting potential (with the romance being secondary). Once the novelty of having a nice home wears off, such couples often turn a blind eye to sex outside the relationship, and cease being monogamous (if they ever were). If you aren't a hopeless romantic, such a relationship can be very stable and satisfying.

Finding the balance that works for YOU might require experiencing two or three "practice" relationships that last anywhere from six months to a few years, before you are completely clear on what you want vs what you need. Passion without a stable basis is exciting but ultimately tiresome and misleading, OTOH domestic compatibility and shared goals alone, without some sustainable "heat", inevitably leads to doubts and resentments later on (unless both men lead compartmentalized lives, where most of their sex is outside the relationship, and both are looking for more of a brother than a lover).

I've always known exactly where a relationship was headed within one year of being with someone. Most of us know, its pretty obvious, but we may ignore the signs for one reason or another. If you're questioning the future at all, it usually means the relationship will have an expiration date (or you'll linger in limbo indefinitely). Doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is bad or unhealthy, or that you can't enjoy each other for a few months or years. Each partner brings good things we may not get from anyone else, that we might want to experience for awhile. If the person is not pressuring you about the future, and is happy to go with the flow until the flow dries up, why not?

But if you've planned your life out to the nth degree, and feel you can't afford to "waste time" in a temporary but nice relationship just to see what might come of it, obey your instinct and pull the plug immediately. Its cruel to lead someone on if you're already restless and not that interested in what they have to offer right this moment.
 
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