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Food for Thought - Why can't I own a Canadian?

I

Irishman25

Guest
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia

PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)
 
I am a pagan, so I do not know much about the holy book. But I thought that God created Eva by taking a rib out of the body of Adam. In The Netherlands we have an expression "een rib uit mijn lijf" (a rib out of my body), which means that something costs you a painful lot of money. May be Dr. Schlesinger was just "a rib to far".
 
admittly this is from 10 years ago but still rather funny
she has since said she has stopped practicing the Orthodox faith :)
 
This was even parodied for a scene in "The West Wing"...

 
Hey isn't Leviticus that guy that went to Moses to get God's laws to bring back to his people? I seems to remember God gave Moses 10 laws and none of them mentioned homosexuals. Maybe they stayed up late at Starbuck's trying to top each other. I can see it now....oh I got a good one, if a man lay with a sheep he must be crucified but if he lay with a goat he must be stoned (and really you would have to be stoned to lay with a giat).
 
Ah, but Martin Sheen is also very religious...
"Sheen eventually adopted his stage name in honor of the Catholic archbishop and theologian, Fulton J. Sheen."
http://anonym.to/?http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Sheen

Now, read up on this Archbishop Sheen --ultra-conservative, orthodox Catholic!

So it's a little ironic that he should 'act out' the parody. :devil:

Plus (from wiki):
"After the end of filming of The West Wing, Sheen announced plans to further his education: "My plan is to read English literature, philosophy and theology."

lol... in the parody he makes a big deal out of the fact that her PhD is in Eng. Litt.

When it comes to celebrities, I judge the performance, not the performers personally...
 
I have often thought that due to the size and scope of the bible almost anything could be either condoned or condemned by cherry picking verses. Really, can't we just get along.
 
I have often thought that due to the size and scope of the bible almost anything could be either condoned or condemned by cherry picking verses. Really, can't we just get along.

Apparently not. Since we don't provide much in the way of new followers for any religion, we are of little real use to any of them and so easier to condemn.

I say, 'fuck 'em'! :cheers:


How about some gay commandments....


Thou shalt not commit fashion crimes anywhere but especially at the beach.

Thou shalt not be a compete bitch even though we all know it hides your massive insecurities.

Thou shalt not keep quiet about that odd little rash or the horrible-looking gunk which came out of the end of your cock this morning.

Thou shalt not believe all you read or hear in celeb magazines aimed at those with a reading age of five.
 
You can own a Canadian... Molson sells them in 12- and 24-packs, cans and bottles. :)
 
There are quite a few Canadians I'd like to own. I have some odd things they can do around the house...

Oops. I meant they can do me in odd places around the house. Same difference, right? And if so, is Pierre Fitch for sale?
 
Well Brent Everett is Canadian



and so is Jeremy Jordan



...'nuff said???
 
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I know Brent Everett is, too... and Ralph Woods is French Canadian. I have no problem with "owning" them as well! :))

(with my first choice, Pierre Fitch! :heart:)

 
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