if u're gay,, but you want to some children, what should u do??

[Boanh86]

i will get married and have some children. and after that "Divorce"

 

[diklik]

i will get married and have some children. and after that "Divorce"

Not the best thing, since your female partner will certainly have some (if not all) parental custody rights. I feel it's irresponsible to bring children into this world if you have no intention of properly caring for them and raising them. Better to adopt a nearly-newborn baby and raise it with love, rather than traumatize a young child by divorcing, and breaking up a family unit.

 

[gb2000ie]

i will get married and have some children. and after that "Divorce"

Will you be honest with your 'wife' about the nature of such a 'marriage'?

B.

 

[gb2000ie]

Not the best thing, since your female partner will certainly have some (if not all) parental custody rights. I feel it's irresponsible to bring children into this world if you have no intention of properly caring for them and raising them. Better to adopt a nearly-newborn baby and raise it with love, rather than traumatize a young child by divorcing, and breaking up a family unit.

And what about the wife?

 

[diklik]

And what about the wife?

:? ?? Perhaps I didn't overtly express that the wife as well would be traumatized and very depressed. My bad for omitting that phrase. She would be left as a single mom for at least a few years, while probably raising the child alone.

No kid ever does perfectly in a single parent family. The needed dynamics of two parents are part of healthy child-rearing. And, no single parent does well either, regardless of financial support from anyone else. Parenting is a two-partner activity. I have seen same-sex partnerships (of either gender) do it successfully, so hetero isn't the absolute be-all for raising kids. But it takes two.

 

[jeansGuyOZ]

i will get married and have some children. and after that "Divorce"

I hope this was intended as a joke.

The way you present it, it sounds as though you just want to be able to say you've got kids, as though they were some kind of trophy. I am particularly bothered by your putting "Divorce" in quotes, as though you didn't think it was a serious step to take. It is. So is marriage. What you are saying is, you don't care if you fuck up someone else's life.

 

[diklik]

I hope this was intended as a joke.

OZ, with so much irresponsible behavior these days from all corners of the sexual continuum, it's hard to know if this dude is serious or just trying it on for effect.:thinking:

 

[Spartacus_x]

This board is too small to have trolls.

 

[josh_the_hot_boy]

I have to say I grew up in a single parent home and with me, my half brother and our mom. Not having a father can be one of the hardest things someone can go through. Even more so when you have to grow up watching your half brother go and visit his father and know that he cares about him when yours doesn't. That's not to say my mom wasn't great cause she was. I would NEVER get a woman pregnant just divorce her and keep the kids. I couldn't put my kids through the same thing I went through.

 

[diklik]

That's quite judgmental. So please, bring up your source that says that no single parent does well in raising children.

My own personal experience, providing counseling and mentoring (most of it via youth court order) to several hundred kids over a period of years. I got out of that career due to the emotional distress it caused me and my own family. It's not a judgment call, but a clear observation that single parents don't do as well as a two-parent family. Money may be an issue for some, but the real hurdle to jump is the lack of a parent-partner in life. Raising kids is a dynamic that must be shared for best results. I didn't say, and don't intimate that good results have never been attained by single parents, just that they never do as well.

 

[gb2000ie]

I think you have a bit of a selection bias going on here Diklik - of all the families that are troubled, a majority are single-family. That does NOT mean that single families "never do as well". What it means is that it's HARDER to raise kids on your own, which is not surprising, there are half as many of you after all! But - I know many great one-parent kids who have done just as well as everyone else - their parent just had to work really fucking hard, and did!

I agree that it's not the ideal to raise a family with one too few parents - but that does NOT mean that there are not many many great one-parent families! It's not ideal to raise kids in slums, but many good kids come out of slums - I share an office with one - he pulled himself up by his boot straps and got his ass into college and got himself a degree and a masters, and a good pensionable job. Similarly - it is not ideal to raise a kid with a parent missing, but many great kids have come out of one parent families. Lets not tar all one-parent families with the under-achieving brush please, or indeed with the dysfunctional brush!

What I think we are all agreeing on is that the notion of getting married with the express intention of getting divorced is repugnant. It is not OK to ruin the lives of some poor woman just so you can have kids, and it is not OK to bring kids into the world with the express intention of breaking up their family!

B.

 

[diklik]

:agree:

Got carried away, so I deleted my comment since I find your explanation to be way more to the point with my thoughts.

Nilstreet, no worries. I read the original and wanted to think about what you said before I returned a comment. I also dealt with kids from regular two-parent families. Some of both types of juvenile clients were in serious trouble, most were not - just the usual stuff like cutting classes at school, minor offenses. The point is that I observed many families of varying blends. It seemed like more of an uphill battle for single moms.....the usual version of one parent with kids. Many young guys turned out just fine after a bit of help to reset their life pathways. My point is really that, whenever humanly feasible, two parents should be partnering to raise children --- either their own biological kids or adopted, fostered, blended from other parts of their families, whatever.

I also get that you might want to adopt and nurture one or two youngsters at some point. I feel that it's a noble and selfless act to do that. I have two biological kids of my own, now in their mid twenties; and in an excellent relationship with us. My partner and I have fostered 6 others for varying lengths of time, most of them coming to us with serious emotional issues stemming from abandonment by a divorcing or separating parent. Despite the tough outer shell that many teens carry around as their game face, there are 14, 15, 16, 17 and 18 yr old guys out there who are bleeding inside where the wounds are not easily seen or mended.

 

[diklik]

I think you have a bit of a selection bias going on here Diklik .............. Lets not tar all one-parent families with the under-achieving brush please, or indeed with the dysfunctional brush!

Bart, perhaps all of us are guilty at times of jumping the gun and reacting to something posted, instead of asking for more clarification. If you read my most recent post, it goes further to elaborate and may allay your concerns that I am biased in my thinking.

 

[lhardwick69]

a friend of mine had a friend of his let him use his sperm to artificially get get pregnant she got pregnant had twins both boys now 10 yrs old--you can do that or adopt

 

[josh_the_hot_boy]

I'm not saying it hasn't been difficult for me but isn't to say that my mother hasn't done a good job raising me. We always had a safe place to live and quality food on our table. My mother was far better off without that loser they call my father.

 

[jeansGuyOZ]

I don't think we should be comparing the merits of having one good parent vs having two good parents who are getting along well. What we should be doing is comparing a stable family with one good parent to the situation of a two-parent family where the two cannot live together happily.

 

[diklik]

I don't think we should be comparing the merits of having one good parent vs having two good parents who are getting along well. What we should be doing is comparing a stable family with one good parent to the situation of a two-parent family where the two cannot live together happily.

Hmmmm, what would we learn from that comparison, OZ ? :thinking:

 

[gb2000ie]

Hmmmm, what would we learn from that comparison, OZ ? :thinking:

I think we'd learn that there are times when one specific parent is a lot better than two specific parents. When you take things out of the abstract and into the specific you often find things reverse themselves. A two-parent family with an abusive parent is worse than that same family would be if that abusive parent were removed from the mix.

I think we're getting a little side-tracked anyway - whether or not single parent families are the ideal is not really the point here. The key point is that starting a family with the express intent of breaking it up is just plain old wrong!

B.

 

[diklik]

I think we'd learn that there are times when one specific parent is a lot better than two specific parents. When you take things out of the abstract and into the specific you often find things reverse themselves. A two-parent family with an abusive parent is worse than that same family would be if that abusive parent were removed from the mix.

I think we're getting a little side-tracked anyway - whether or not single parent families are the ideal is not really the point here. The key point is that starting a family with the express intent of breaking it up is just plain old wrong!

B.

I don't intend to begin a debate on what is abstract or specific about my assertions, and I would offer that your statement is one of potential conjecture, since each family dynamic would be different - single parent vs an instance of a two parents with one being abusive. And whom are they abusing...their spouse, the kids, both? Is the abuse emotional, physical, some of each, what?? I've dealt with a number of families of varying blends, and I would not presume to say that one parent might be better than two unless there is validated and immediate physical harm about to occur.

I can't agree that we're getting side-tracked, since the intent of the original poster was to suggest marrying, fathering children, and then leaving his spouse - forcing her to be a single parent. Single parenthood directly conjoins the topic.

 

[kevi]

marry your partner and adopt a kid