Can a true "bisexual" relationship work?

Love Rings OUT: Michael Arden & Andy Mientus

The Broadway couple discusses how their hearts are filled with two great loves: a love for their art and a love for each other.

Andy Mientus and Michael Arden have had a 10 year relationship that's traveled across the country, moved seamlessly on stage, and most significantly, transitioned from platonic to romantic. The Broadway stars—who recently collaborated on Deaf West's revival of Spring Awakening, in which Arden directed and Mientus played the gay, seductive Hanschen—flourish whether they are working on opposite coasts or are cuddled up together in a Manhattan theater. No matter where they are, Mientus and Arden's connection is testament to the possibility of being in love, while also loving your craft.

Out: Let’s start with the obvious question. How’d you first meet?

Michael Arden: We met officially at the opening night party for a show I was starring in on Broadway called The Times Are a-Changin'.

Andy Mientus: I was there—and I was in college the time—because my roommate and best friend had left school to be the swing in the show.

Michael: Needless to say, the show was a huge flop. The best thing to come out of it was me and Andy.

What year was this?

Michael: 2006.

Take me through that first night.

Andy: I'd not had any kind of romantic situation with a boy. I was actually chasing a girl around the party that I wanted to ask out. I was looking forward to meeting Michael, but he was very busy—he was the star of the show and I was just with my friends being silly. I remember when we were leaving Michael flagged me down. We both said hey and I have a very vivd memory of that moment. Even if I didn’t know we were going to end up together and get married, I could tell that this was a person who would be significant in my life.

Michael: It was all very proper. I remember we shook hands and nodded. I thought he was very cute, but it wasn’t on the table and I was dealing with a musical that just opened. So it wasn’t on my mind, but I remember the exact moment.

So what was the process like from this formal meeting to dating?

Michael: We both led separate lives and I had another long-term relationship and so did he, but we were friends through all of that. We both found each other again in person when I was doing Pippin for Deaf West in Los Angeles and Andy was in the first national tour of Spring Awakening. We were basically across a hallway from one another...

Some of the Spring Awakening cast came into watch a run-through of Pippin one day and we reconnected then. But then Andy was on tour and I was in L.A. We saw each other once in a while when I was in New York shooting something. We’d meet up and go walk in Central Park. Our friendship grew that way and our corresponding started to increase exponentially. We began Skyping a lot.

Andy: And we were both single.

Michael: Yes, he had just broken up with his girlfriend and I had just broken up with my boyfriend. We were talking a lot and I didn’t think much of it, but my friends were all like, "Why is this straight guy always Skyping you? That’s weird." I was like, "Oh, he’s my friend." Then one day I remember Andy texted me something like…

Andy: “I think I like you.”

Michael: Yeah, and I said, “I think I like you too.” And he was like, “No, I think I want to kiss you.” I remember dropping my phone into the toilet kind of thing and saying, “Oh my god, this is real. Do you realize what you mean by that? Are you sure you mean that?” I didn’t want to be disrespectful. I was in L.A. and he was in New York, but I was coming there because I was asked to present an award at the NYMF Gala. Once I got there they said I’d be giving this award to an actor named Andy Mientus. I was like, You have to be kidding me.

Andy: It was really the best way to set up a relationship.

Michael: Yeah, it set up a nice dynamic for us. So we met at the ceremony and it was very awkward. We were used to being buddies. We were pretending to be these platonic friends in person and then texting each other under the table. Things like, “I’m sorry I’m so awkward right now.” A few drinks into the evening we loosened up a bit, and after a long conversation, shared our first kiss. We’ve been together ever since.

It's refreshing to hear that you two were solid friends before you became romantically involved.

Andy: We talked a lot about how it really set us on the right foot because we got to skip that part where you try to be the best version of yourself toward the person you want to impress. We both already knew each other’s craziness and each other’s insecurities, all the stuff you typically hide when you first start dating.

Andy, was your relationship with Michael a sort of impetuous to come out?

Andy: Definitely. I feel like I had a unique situation growing up, a unique bisexual experience. There’s a common story in which kids experiment and then they’re confused and then they choose one side or another or don’t. There’s a lot of experimentation back and forth in the formative years.

I honestly never had that. Not because I didn’t want to—I grew up in a very supportive household—I was just a late bloomer. I was not a sexualized young person. I’m still super into video games and nerdy things. But I wasn’t trying to date until I was a little older, and then all of my formative romantic experiences were with girls. I never pined for any of my male friends.

There were times when I recognized I was attracted to guys at school or guys in the media, but I honestly thought I was just kind of progressive and cool. I think it’s a fine line between desire and envy. Do I want that guy or do I want to be that guy? It’s hard for some people to know the difference.

After meeting Michael, I didn’t have any doubt about it. I didn’t tell everyone on day one just in case it didn’t take, just in case I tried it out and it wasn’t for me or it wasn’t a match. I think there is a double standard for bisexual men. That was just for a second though. I didn’t want to have a proper coming out because I didn’t feel like there was anything to announce. I was just dating Michael now. That’s what I told people without any context or greater reading. The big deal for me wasn’t that Michael was a man, but that he was awesome.

Unlike so many other coming out experiences, yours was a smooth progression. What then made you decide to get married?

Andy: We were going through some big life events. We were reassessing and reevaluating everything. I thought it would be really valuable to have a concrete, new family identity to grab onto. To get married was a tangible expression of that. Also, at the time, we were doing a major bout of long distance. I had one day off a week and I was flying to L.A. for just one day a lot. So it seemed like a good time to reaffirm how important and permanent this relationship was.

Michael: It’s a very traditional thing, but it felt really right because I just wanted to lock it in—we were seeing each other so rarely. It was the kind of thing that once it was actually done I realized how important it was.

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transuckslut said:

no

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size13feet said:

.... and she gives you personal space... then it can work.

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