Also look at the
How to Come Out thread that is just a bit below the one
dargelos mentioned.
Situations are so different - varied cultures, locations, and families - that there is no "one size fits all" answer here. This is something you have to decide for yourself. However, two things are always true:
- The longer you remain in hiding - either from everyone or from some close friends or family - the smaller and more restricted your emotional life will be.
- There will always be a cost for defying people's expectations and coming out. You have to make peace with the fact that some people will turn away, dismiss you, or in the worst case try to hurt you.
The good news is that as more LGBT people speak up and are open, the more the costs have come down. In some places they have dropped dramatically. But remember the two points above - there is a cost to coming out,
but there is also a huge price to pay for staying in the closet. You cannot hack off a major part of your personality without doing damage - both to yourself and to the people who care about you. Essentially, you are lying to them. And when you do come out, you are going to have to reconcile the truth with all the cover-ups you employed to keep them away from the truth.
If you think you want to come out these are some things to get you ready.
- Your safety has to be the top concern. If you think you might be subject to physical violence, or your livelihood taken away, or put into prison - take all necessary precautions. Just because I can march in a Pride Parade waving a rainbow flag doesn't mean that is the right move for you. Be smart - but even opening up to one other person you trust can be a huge weight off your shoulders.
- Start with that one person - a close friend or a sibling - that you think will be supportive. The first person is the hardest - it's a bridge you've never crossed before. It will take courage, but cracking that closet door for the first time is the only way out.
- Once you have told one person and they have embraced you, you now have an ally. You are no longer alone. As you pick someone else to tell you will be collecting a group of people who are in your corner and will the there to back you up. As you go on it will become less important that the people you tell accept you, because you will have your support network behind you. You can survive a rejection or bad reaction because you are no longer alone.
And so it goes. The biggest hurdle will often be telling your parents. Gather a few allies before you cross that particular bridge.
However, know that the coming out process never ends. Most people will assume you are straight, so there will be a never-ending stream of people to tip off that they are talking to a queer person. It simply becomes part of your life - dispelling these wrong assumptions.
Take one step at a time. Assess your situation and plan how you are going to get to the point of telling the first person. What a day of independence that will be!
)
