A Poem/Story Per Day (Until You've Had Them All!)

[Squallmuzza]

I decided I want to share some of my work with the good people of GH! Some of it's crap, but that's life. I really like getting the feedback, so any you have would be very much appreciated!

First poem following...

 

[Squallmuzza]

Everlasting Winter

Cold, dark, lonely.
Your heart is my winter.
Nothing lives there.
Nothing ever could.
No emotion, no hope, no fear.

Once I sought to conquer it.
It's harsh climate uninhabitable.
I wasn't ready.
I couldn't take it.
Lost in the wilderness of your heart.

I entered the storm,
of my own free will.
I left it torn apart.
But you didn't notice,
someone lost.

You left me stranded.
No links to a life past.
Nothing to hold onto.
Layers of ice,
Surround your heart.

Only to me are you winter.
You are other's spring.
The sun in their life.
The fresh breeze,
filling their lungs.

For them the ice melts.
For me it freezes anew.
Alone I suffer this endless hell.
A hell without its fire.
Replaced with an icy stare.

I searched for a way back home.
A way out from this situation.
I searched, alone.
Lost, inside,
Your everlasting winter.

But now a new dawn breaks.
My heart breaks free,
from the chill grasp of your love.
Melting the worries of the past.
Forging hope anew.

Now it is my heart,
made of ice.
That traps you in it's prison.
Now my heart is cold.
You are seeking freedom.

You know how it feels.
Your heart knows the cold.
I ignore you, let you stumble.
I almost hope you fall.
Inside my everlasting winter.
The winter of the soul.​

 

[AlSun]

Very beautiful!
Now we have 2 poets here. *waves to Jamie*

 

[glamfunk84]

WOW! That was brilliant... :thumbs up:

 

[Squallmuzza]

Teehee thanks for the compliments!

I'd appreciate any critique you guys can come up with. Although these are old pieces, I'm constantly working to improve my work

 

[goejavin]

I really dont seem much to critique in this one, Squall. It really is powerful and has depth and it really well written and strangly enough with a few tweeks could be a blue print of my life. You have a great talent for the written word.

 

[Jamie]

Were you sad and deserted when you wrote this poem squall? Cause it`s a pretty sad poem, showing what a broken heart feel like...

 

[Squallmuzza]

Yeah, I wrote this at a time in my life where I truly felt lost and as if I could be never happy again. I actually finished when still feeling that way, in the hope that it would be self-fufilling prophecy.

It kinda worked