Falling down, once again - How to get up and go on?

[Whisper]

Just wondering in this post if you've had your doc schedule a sleep study for possible obstructive sleep apnea or other sleep disorders that rob you of your needed rest overnight.

Nowadays I can sleep ok, but that day I had to take my migraine attack meds and of course my normal daily meds, that time my migraine preventive medication's dose had to be triple (those meds are also used as helping to sleep so...). All those meds and migraine, it's no wonder I was so tired... I'm glad that I had such a great boss then and co-workers, they understood what was happening with me.

 

[RuG]

Moi Whisper,

Mitä kuuluu? I hope you are feeling better now that you've read some advices. I hope you can also reflect on it

What do I do when I get depressed? How do I overcome it?

Over the years of being "global nomad" coming from multi-racial family, I never feel like I belong to something. On top of that, I have love-hate relationship with my mom. I also struggle in university. My grades are okay but I have to work my ass off studying day and night to pass some courses. I am still not 100% out. I am still wondering "what if I was straight?" "what if..." and other zillions what if

Well, one thing that life has taught me, throughout my journey I've met wonderful people who helped me through my ups and downs. I learned not to carry the burdens on my shoulder alone. I learned that we are humans because we have feelings and emotions, ears and hearts, and minds and souls to understand and listen to others. I learned that I needed to share the goods and the bads of my life.

On top of that, I always believe that there is a silver lining in a cloudy sky. Life is a wheel, sometimes you're up there sometimes you're down with all the troubles. But it's up to you to make the wheel turns so that you will be up once again

I used to complain a lot. I complained about the hot weather, I complain about my lecturer who cannot pronounce the word "examine" and "determine" with the right pronunciation (he was non-native english speaker). I complained that I only got 6 when I studied for months and my best friend got a 9 and he studied 3 hours before the exam.

But I was given a hard wake-up call by a person that I did not expect at all in the most bizzare way too. She is an 11-year old girl that I sponsor. She lives in Indonesia and her family is very poor. We send letters to each other to update our lives every month (the organization that I send my money to organize this). The city of Yogyakarta was badly hit with earthquakes in 2010. One day she wrote to me, "after the earthquake, our house was badly damaged, it was beyond repair. we had to live in an evacuation tent for a couple of months. there was no electricity, only candles and oil lamps to bring light when the night falls. but I managed to keep my grades in school high because I always make my home work and read the text books over and over. One day I want to study abroad like you too and become a nurse". Such simple sentences from a little girl brought me down to tears.

When I read her letter, i was more than touched. i felt ashamed of myself that i have all the luxury in the world and i still complain. she lost her house and her belongings, living in a tent with candles yet despite all the atrocities she kept her spirits high just so that she can be like me

from then on, i told myself that i should not cave in when the going gets tough. Fuck with 6s, i study because i want equipped myself better in the future, not because I care about the grades I will get. I tried to look at life from a different perspective. tried to be a more positive person. when i'm sad i write it in my journal. i revisited my old hobby of drawing when i feel blue. I got to the gym and do bench press or squats with heavy weights when I am angry. I turned on my speaker and play my favourite song on iTunes and sing my heart out until my neighbours call the police

So Whisper, I hope my answer is not too long. I wish you a very nice evening! and as for the medicine, you do what you feel is right. just don't get too crazy over it okay? i still want to see posts about hot finnish athletes and singers from you

La Dolce Vita!

 

[Whisper]

to RuG

Thank you and no, your answer was not too long. I enjoy reading what others have gone through, makes me realize that I'm not the only one struggling ahead. And after every answer to my thread I fall in love with this place more and more. You wonderful guys make this place so, well, heaven, even for a straight girl like me :heart:

And before I get even more side-tracked, RuG, I will definitely continue posting the hot Finns

Thank you :heart::heart:

 

[XMan101]

We all have troubles in life , I'm often too busy here to respond to each post (the peril of being staff) but I read a lot of them of course.

This is one of my quiet moment and just want to add to this thread with my support.

We have some of the best people here - even though we might not always agree about things.

I lost my Dad recently, I didn't make it public, but those who found out sent me the most lovely messages!

As long as I'm around we'll always have support for each other

It's what makes this place special!

 

[hawtsean]

You wonderful guys make this place so, well, heaven, even for a straight girl like me :heart:

The last time I checked, one's orientation and gender were not the qualifiers for the care and support from friends. We gay men need to reach out more than ever - IMHO - to validate that our sexual preferences have not eroded our humanity and made us world-weary and simply whoring up for each other.........that accusation seems to surface now and then. Rather than hurl back other pointed (and probably valid) accusations, we need to show that love is more than just sexual, and empathy for others is not just in the movies.

You will always have friends here, whisper.

 

[Whisper]

We all have troubles in life , I'm often too busy here to respond to each post (the peril of being staff) but I read a lot of them of course.

This is one of my quiet moment and just want to add to this thread with my support.

We have some of the best people here - even though we might not always agree about things.

I lost my Dad recently, I didn't make it public, but those who found out sent me the most lovely messages!

As long as I'm around we'll always have support for each other

It's what makes this place special!

Now that I'm awake enough to answer... Thank you too, xman101 and yes, I agree with you, this place and people here are truly special :heart:

I'm sorry to hear about your dad *hugs tightly* If you ever need to talk or anything, you can contact me. Losing the ones we love is never easy.

The last time I checked, one's orientation and gender were not the qualifiers for the care and support from friends. We gay men need to reach out more than ever - IMHO - to validate that our sexual preferences have not eroded our humanity and made us world-weary and simply whoring up for each other.........that accusation seems to surface now and then. Rather than hurl back other pointed (and probably valid) accusations, we need to show that love is more than just sexual, and empathy for others is not just in the movies.

You will always have friends here, whisper.

Thank you, hawtsean :heart: I think it still sometimes bothers me when people ask me what I'm doing in places like this or why I like it so much to see two men loving each other. How to explain people things that don't need any explanations: love is beautiful, no matter the gender, skin color, etc. And the annoying illusion that women don't like porn ...I could go on about this... The stereotypes people have... Like you said "simply whoring up..." etc. Ah, I'm getting frustrated, I simply don't find the suitable English words to explain my thoughts ~X(

So I try to gather my thoughts, but still, thank you too so much. Your words mean so much to me :heart:

 

[hawtsean]

I lost my Dad recently, I didn't make it public, but those who found out sent me the most lovely messages!

Xman101, my heart goes out to you. Although I lost both parents almost 20 years ago, I still have moments of anguish at their having passed far too soon (early sixties). I had the world's best mom and dad, I really mean that, no childhood traumas or dramas. They were taken from my life (and that of my siblings) too soon. I'm sorry for your own loss - fathers are special for us guys.

 

[XMan101]

Thank you

I'll always miss him, we had great conversations, and he was always very with it and active to the end and great for advice or for a sounding board.

I think all people regret the loss of their parents, even if they weren't close. I'm just glad he went very suddenly and quickly, it's how I'd like to be.

On the bad side my Mum will now be lonely till the day she dies, no matter how many are around her or love her. I'm single and independant and will never know that kind of heartache myself.

Whisper - you're not the only girl here by any means, we even have one on the staff who is a fantastic friend to me, so never take any nonsense about why you're here.

All women like hot men, and many like seeing 2 guys together, as some of us like seeing hot women together too

 

[kurt]

I'm sure you're already feeling so much better now but i just want to show my support. I'm sure everyone here all had their own rough patches in life. Mine is no different.

All my life, I've always belonged to the "new comer" category, moving from one new environment to another, struggling to blend in with the crowd. Most of the time, it takes me at least 1 year to really find the friends who talks to you and not find you weird. Then I was diagnosed with a disease which needs lifelong treatment (not life threatening, just makes you feel less of a man) and it tore down my confidence, never feeling I'm anyone's equal. Even till now, I need to constantly reassure myself that I'm good enough for anyone, especially myself.

Having said that, I actually needed some time and effort to try and recall what challenges I've faced in life. Each time, it took me some time to adjust to it but I come out stronger every round.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, Yes, it sucks when life gets tough but if you persevere, if you are willing to change and readjust to your challenges and always, ALWAYS believe in yourself, you'll be so comfortable you hardly notice it as a problem.

For quick relive though, I sing my heart out, I console myself (talk to myself in front of a mirror like I have multiple personality disorder) and I allow myself to be weak. It's perfectly ok and normal to breakdown and feel sad (i"ll b worried if someone is happy to get diagnosed with a medical condition) as long as you don't let it become your norm.

Keep fighting!

 

[XMan101]

I'm sure you're already feeling so much better now but i just want to show my support. I'm sure everyone here all had their own rough patches in life. Mine is no different.

All my life, I've always belonged to the "new comer" category, moving from one new environment to another, struggling to blend in with the crowd. Most of the time, it takes me at least 1 year to really find the friends who talks to you and not find you weird. Then I was diagnosed with a disease which needs lifelong treatment (not life threatening, just makes you feel less of a man) and it tore down my confidence, never feeling I'm anyone's equal. Even till now, I need to constantly reassure myself that I'm good enough for anyone, especially myself.

Having said that, I actually needed some time and effort to try and recall what challenges I've faced in life. Each time, it took me some time to adjust to it but I come out stronger every round.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, Yes, it sucks when life gets tough but if you persevere, if you are willing to change and readjust to your challenges and always, ALWAYS believe in yourself, you'll be so comfortable you hardly notice it as a problem.

For quick relive though, I sing my heart out, I console myself (talk to myself in front of a mirror like I have multiple personality disorder) and I allow myself to be weak. It's perfectly ok and normal to breakdown and feel sad (i"ll b worried if someone is happy to get diagnosed with a medical condition) as long as you don't let it become your norm.

Keep fighting!

Please do!!

That's a great post - and you will always get support here!

You have friends, and you're welcome to talk to me anytime

 

[Whisper]

I'm sure you're already feeling so much better now but i just want to show my support. I'm sure everyone here all had their own rough patches in life. Mine is no different.

All my life, I've always belonged to the "new comer" category, moving from one new environment to another, struggling to blend in with the crowd. Most of the time, it takes me at least 1 year to really find the friends who talks to you and not find you weird. Then I was diagnosed with a disease which needs lifelong treatment (not life threatening, just makes you feel less of a man) and it tore down my confidence, never feeling I'm anyone's equal. Even till now, I need to constantly reassure myself that I'm good enough for anyone, especially myself.

Having said that, I actually needed some time and effort to try and recall what challenges I've faced in life. Each time, it took me some time to adjust to it but I come out stronger every round.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, Yes, it sucks when life gets tough but if you persevere, if you are willing to change and readjust to your challenges and always, ALWAYS believe in yourself, you'll be so comfortable you hardly notice it as a problem.

For quick relive though, I sing my heart out, I console myself (talk to myself in front of a mirror like I have multiple personality disorder) and I allow myself to be weak. It's perfectly ok and normal to breakdown and feel sad (i"ll b worried if someone is happy to get diagnosed with a medical condition) as long as you don't let it become your norm.

Keep fighting!

Yes, I do feel better, but still every reply is welcome Thank you so much :heart:
Living with chronic illness truly needs adjusting, many times the best way for me has been this "one day at the time"-attitude. And talking helps, that is true.

We both have to keep fighting!!! And if you need someone to talk with, you can contact me anytime

 

[AlSun]

I'm glad to read that you are feeling better again whisper.

Like others I also have problems with chronic illness so I know what you are talking about although I have to admit that mine is a different level of how it affects me in my daily life than yours.

Sometimes and also recently again I get depressed also about it and think that I wouldn't mind not waking up again the next morning. But isn't that stupid & selfish? Sometimes I'm ashamed I even though that especially since I couldn't bring myself to actively fight against the main problem for long enough but did it often just half-heartedly and more or less gave in in the last few years.

You and many having written their experiences & opinions made me think about it again and that the only person who can make it better for you is yourself.
Yes, others greatly contribute to how you feel and accept youself but your spirit needs to be in balance and be the right one to make you feel good and face whatever you have to and keeps you fighting against all odds.

You said you have a loving family and friends which support you completely and as much as I understand that you have the feeling being a burden sometimes. I'm sure that they don't see it that way and it really would be a tremendously bigger burden for them if they'd see you'd given yourself up.

But you seem to be a powerful, witty woman who refuses to give in.
That's the right attitude!
You might stumble at times. We all do. That's only human. You can't be happy and satisfied all the time but there are dark days you think it's just unbearable.
The important thing is to not stay there. To have the strength to free yourself from that darkness is what matters.

How you cope with it can be different. Crying, screaming, hitting a wall, doing sports until you are all exhausted, talking to someone else....
There are lots if ways but you need to find those triggers which help you the most clear your mind and to see the bright side of life again. Because there always IS a bright side even sometimes it seems so far away.

In my case it's either talking to others, talking to myself loudly (I guess my dad thinks I'm totally crazy since he unfortunately has the gift to often suddenly appear in my room when I'm doing that :duh: ) or to just get into the car and drive somewhere without knowing where to and not knowing when I'll return.

It's also totally okay to be weak at times as long as you keep your chin up in the end no matter if there sometimes seem to drown in depression but can overcome it.

Stay strong sis! :hug:


PS: I'm the staff member my dear xman101 was talking about.
I'm here for a while now. In the beginning I've been more active in the GD so let me tell you that gender never ever played a big part in here.
Be sure that if someone is stupid enough attacking anyone because of that matter the guys would not accept that at all. It's a great bunch of guys.. and gals here.

 

[Whisper]

I'm glad to read that you are feeling better again whisper.

Like others I also have problems with chronic illness so I know what you are talking about although I have to admit that mine is a different level of how it affects me in my daily life than yours.

Sometimes and also recently again I get depressed also about it and think that I wouldn't mind not waking up again the next morning. But isn't that stupid & selfish? Sometimes I'm ashamed I even though that especially since I couldn't bring myself to actively fight against the main problem for long enough but did it often just half-heartedly and more or less gave in in the last few years.

You and many having written their experiences & opinions made me think about it again and that the only person who can make it better for you is yourself.
Yes, others greatly contribute to how you feel and accept youself but your spirit needs to be in balance and be the right one to make you feel good and face whatever you have to and keeps you fighting against all odds.

You said you have a loving family and friends which support you completely and as much as I understand that you have the feeling being a burden sometimes. I'm sure that they don't see it that way and it really would be a tremendously bigger burden for them if they'd see you'd given yourself up.

But you seem to be a powerful, witty woman who refuses to give in.
That's the right attitude!
You might stumble at times. We all do. That's only human. You can't be happy and satisfied all the time but there are dark days you think it's just unbearable.
The important thing is to not stay there. To have the strength to free yourself from that darkness is what matters.

How you cope with it can be different. Crying, screaming, hitting a wall, doing sports until you are all exhausted, talking to someone else....
There are lots if ways but you need to find those triggers which help you the most clear your mind and to see the bright side of life again. Because there always IS a bright side even sometimes it seems so far away.

In my case it's either talking to others, talking to myself loudly (I guess my dad thinks I'm totally crazy since he unfortunately has the gift to often suddenly appear in my room when I'm doing that :duh: ) or to just get into the car and drive somewhere without knowing where to and not knowing when I'll return.

It's also totally okay to be weak at times as long as you keep your chin up in the end no matter if there sometimes seem to drown in depression but can overcome it.

Stay strong sis! :hug:


PS: I'm the staff member my dear xman101 was talking about.
I'm here for a while now. In the beginning I've been more active in the GD so let me tell you that gender never ever played a big part in here.
Be sure that if someone is stupid enough attacking anyone because of that matter the guys would not accept that at all. It's a great bunch of guys.. and gals here.

I'm actually happy that I started this thread, because I hope others got help from it too like I did, so many of us are struggling with daily problems and talking truly is one of the best ways to adjust.

And you're right, AlSun, the one who is the best taking care of you is yourself. Without the will to go on nothing is going to happen, no matter what.

Also the support of friends and family, in any form (for example I'm starting to feel like I'm home here and believe me, that doesn't happen easily) is important. For me the other ways to survive through the bad days has been music, black and death metal. All the pain, anger, frustration I feel, the music helps.

One of the positive things that my illness has brought is that I have finally the courage to be ME and don't worry about what others think. I have always loved everything fantasy/dark/gothic-like things, but even dressing differently than most of people was too scary. Not anymore. I wear -and make- the clothes I like and look like I have always wanted (yesterday I bought a shirt with heavy spikes on the collar and chains on the back ). Many times when I look myself in the mirror I think "that's the real me, finally". Maybe I should some time post "before and after"-photos

This reply is starting to be sort of stream of consciousness but hopefully you'll understand what I'm trying to say...

And thank you too *hugs*
We both have to stay strong :heart:

You're absolutely right, the guys and gals, visible or not, are the best here!!

***

And here is something I listen for fun and for therapy


***

 

[AlSun]

I'm looking forward the before/after photos also with your self-made clothes when you might feel like posting.

 

[Whisper]

I'm looking forward the before/after photos also with your self-made clothes when you might feel like posting.

As soon as I find some good ones

 

[Whisper]

I had my neurologist's appointment today and good news: everything is quite stable at this moment so no new meds and no levodopa yet

 

[hawtsean]

I had my neurologist's appointment today and good news: everything is quite stable at this moment so no new meds and no levodopa yet

That is good to hear, whisper. :thumbs up: Anything special to account for this improved stability or just the result of ongoing care?

 

[Whisper]

That is good to hear, whisper. :thumbs up: Anything special to account for this improved stability or just the result of ongoing care?

Just the result, the medication works well. I don't need to start taking Levodopa yet (much stronger medication for Parkinson's Disease and with heavier side effects) and that is the best thing

 

[Minos]

even though i dont know you, this is best notice of this day, the second best is that i have 2 jobs interviews tomorrow, but this is not the subject of this conversation.
i`m really glad to hear that from you!
hope you be 100% soon!

 

[Whisper]

even though i dont know you, this is best notice of this day, the second best is that i have 2 jobs interviews tomorrow, but this is not the subject of this conversation.
i`m really glad to hear that from you!
hope you be 100% soon!

Thank you and I wish you the best luck in those interviews