Have you ever ever experienced racism while hooking up?

[Gruet98]

Just asking :thinking:

 

[jw4833]

Yes, I have experienced racism while hooking up with someone of a different race. I started going to a local gay club within the new neighborhood at the time that I had just moved in. The club at that time was predominantly white and with the exception of a few white guys, the rest of the club patrons treated me as if I was the plague or some horrible disease. However, if was this one white guy who was really hot and hung out with this really clickish group of friends. Initially, I was not aware that this guy was interested in me until one evening ...he came in the club without his little entourage and approached me which resulted in us talking and getting to know each other the rest of the evening. Afterwards, since it was a nice, warm Summer's night...we went walking thru the park/beach which was very close to my residence. We wound up hooking up and spent the majority of the next morning together. He kissed me goodbye and told me that he would wanted to see me again and let's make plans to get together again that week. However, the next time I saw him...he was with his entourage. When I spoke to him...he acted as if he did not want to acknowledge me in front of his friends. I caught his reaction immediately and distance myself.

Later on ...he contacted me to apologize for his behavior because his friends had hounded him about hooking up with me due to my ethnic background and due to the pressure he was under by their actions, he was afraid to give me the attention he really wanted to give me. In all honesty...I was really disappointed and decided to not pursue any further pursuits with this guy because for me ..this was not worth the humiliation and disrespect that I received. Furthermore, I was really hurt to know that racism was alive and relevant within the LGBT community especially when I looked upon the whole community the same way I was perceived by them.

 

[bigsal]

Unfortunately, the LGBT community is no exception on this discrimination.

 

[jw4833]

Unfortunately, the LGBT community is no exception on this discrimination.

You are right Big Sal and that is the part that I find so disappointing.......However..I must say that over the past few years that interracial relationships within the gay community has gotten better than before and is a bit more accepting.

 

[Shelter]

That's what I never will understand - mostly not from the Gay communities.

In my opinion it is totally indifferent if one is black, yellow, brown or white - all four are human beings. And if I love a person with another skin colour - where is the crime? How will it be possible that other people will judge about my love or my preferences? And most of all - how will another gay judge about that?!

 

[trencherman]

I find the concept of prejudice in one’s sexual preference hard to grasp. The desires of the heart are as crooked as corkscrews as Andrew Holleran once said. You like what you like. If you prefer dark haired sex partners, that does not mean you are prejudiced against tallow headed ones. Prejudice to me is not calling back an otherwise qualified applicant for a job because he is not the right colour, ethnicity or social class, or denying lodging to a couple because they happen to be of the same gender or of a different race.

 

[gb2000ie]

By it's very nature hookups are only skin deep. To conflate someone's shallow preferences with racism is just nuts. By that 'logic' everyone but bi people are sexist too!

B.

 

[cranston]

By it's very nature hookups are only skin deep. To conflate someone's shallow preferences with racism is just nuts. By that 'logic' everyone but bi people are sexist too!

B.

I disagree, gender has everything to do with sex, and sexual attraction, whereas race has nothing to do with it. People are attracted to men and/or women, not white people or black people. To sexually rule out one race over the other is a political decision, not a sexual one.

 

[Shelter]

I disagree, gender has everything to do with sex, and sexual attraction, whereas race has nothing to do with it. People are attracted to men and/or women, not white people or black people. To sexually rule out one race over the other is a political decision, not a sexual one.

:agree::agree::agree::agree::agree:

 

[gb2000ie]

I disagree, gender has everything to do with sex, and sexual attraction, whereas race has nothing to do with it. People are attracted to men and/or women, not white people or black people. To sexually rule out one race over the other is a political decision, not a sexual one.

I meant the gender thing as a joke - should have thought better of it because my core point seems to have been totally ignored.

Let me try again.

Differnt people are turned on and turned off by differnt physical things.

On something as shallow as no-strings sex hookups, the criteria are purely based on physical attributes. There are people who are looking for younger types, and older types, and thin types, and fat types, and blonds, and red heads, and hairy guys and smooth guys, and black guys, and Asian guys, and white guys.

Going to a site looking for an older guy is not agist, and neither is going to a site looking for black guys racist.

It's people looking for what ever their fetish happens to be!

If it was a DATING site, rahter than a hookup site, that would be different.

B.

 

[Gruet98]

Yes, I have experienced racism while hooking up with someone of a different race. I started going to a local gay club within the new neighborhood at the time that I had just moved in. The club at that time was predominantly white and with the exception of a few white guys, the rest of the club patrons treated me as if I was the plague or some horrible disease. However, if was this one white guy who was really hot and hung out with this really clickish group of friends. Initially, I was not aware that this guy was interested in me until one evening ...he came in the club without his little entourage and approached me which resulted in us talking and getting to know each other the rest of the evening. Afterwards, since it was a nice, warm Summer's night...we went walking thru the park/beach which was very close to my residence. We wound up hooking up and spent the majority of the next morning together. He kissed me goodbye and told me that he would wanted to see me again and let's make plans to get together again that week. However, the next time I saw him...he was with his entourage. When I spoke to him...he acted as if he did not want to acknowledge me in front of his friends. I caught his reaction immediately and distance myself.

Later on ...he contacted me to apologize for his behavior because his friends had hounded him about hooking up with me due to my ethnic background and due to the pressure he was under by their actions, he was afraid to give me the attention he really wanted to give me. In all honesty...I was really disappointed and decided to not pursue any further pursuits with this guy because for me ..this was not worth the humiliation and disrespect that I received. Furthermore, I was really hurt to know that racism was alive and relevant within the LGBT community especially when I looked upon the whole community the same way I was perceived by them.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

Mine is quite shallow... just seeing people post "no blacks, latinos or asians" on their internet profiles make my skin crawl. It's mild racism but it's still there.

Here is a funny video for you guys:

 

[jaykaytooooo]

Unfortunately, the LGBT community is no exception on this discrimination.

Its just a human condition that knows no bounds. Many Black people are racist against white people. Many of my people (navajo indians) have been racist against whites.

Its just a condition that will never ever be cured.

And its not just in hooking up, its everywhere. As soon as many "liberals" know of my conservative views the indian name calling ensues (firewater, casinos, etcetc). Its a sickness and its wrong!

 

[mrcrownroyal]

Its just a human condition that knows no bounds. Many Black people are racist against white people. Many of my people (navajo indians) have been racist against whites.

Its just a condition that will never ever be cured.

And its not just in hooking up, its everywhere. As soon as many "liberals" know of my conservative views the indian name calling ensues (firewater, casinos, etcetc). Its a sickness and its wrong!

"Many black people are racist against white people." Um, since when have black people ever held the power/authority to deny a white person anything vital without severe punishment of doing so? The day when I can individually and systemically--solely based on race--keep a white person from gaining employment or fair housing or anything else someone should be able to obtain reasonably and not be punished for it is the day I will be able to be racist. Racism is not just a simple belief that one's race is superior; it is a system woven into many different areas of life. If I were to say, "I hate white people," it has no weight unless I was in a position of power to negatively effect the lives of white people. If I am in a position of power to negatively effect the lives of white people and I commit such a bad act, as a black person, I would immediately face harsh punishment. When it's the other way around, black people have to overcome nearly a million boundaries to have a white person held accountable for such an act. Please be careful when making such statements because in doing so, you are erasing the painful and very real experiences of people who actually have been discriminated against.

 

[Stonecold]

This is a very interesting thread, I hope more people get involved in this.
jaykaytooooo wrote

As soon as many "liberals" know of my conservative views the indian name calling ensues (firewater, casinos, etcetc). Its a sickness and its wrong!

I would never call someone racist names because of one being conservative, but I do not become friends with some people because of who they are, I will be nice and at work I treat them the same but I do not become close friends with evangelicals, or Republicans. I wonder does this make me as a bad as a racist because some people tell me it is as bad.

 

[havocs]

It's really odd, there are many factors to consider. As someone mentioned, as a gay man I am not attracted to women, but I think they are wonderful people and see why straight guys and lesbians want to be with them. I don't have a problem with them dating whomever they want or any of my friends perusing them, why would I? Just not my thing.
There is a difference in preference and being ignorant. If you don't find certain features attractive, fine, but that shouldnt stop you from interacting with them or you shouldnt have a problem with others finding those features attractive. Being racist means you treat everyone from that ethnic race holistically different despite the fact that there are individuals. Instead of getting to know them one on one, you make broad generalizations often based on stereotypes.
Everyone has the potential to be racist and some do it because its habitual and they were taught at an early age. Its that ingrained into them that they don't realize it is wrong.
It's out there and it sucks, at this point there is plenty of blame to go around. The question is how do we conquer it?

 

[Gruet98]

I think when people post like "no blacks, latinos or asians" it's like saying that these people are unattractive. You have your own preference obviously but when you broadcast it using those types of ads it degrades other people and is also a reflection on you and that you only care about your getting your own rocks off. And as a person seeing those ads, it may not be white enough for him/her but I need a thicker skin.