What Should I Say

[OLMPKY]

Hi community, So im so confused on what i should say to people that ask me if im gay. I thought about starting to tell them "not like you think" but i asked my brother if i should say that and he says no, cause that answer will confuse them. So then he told me to just say no, cause i havent had sexual experience with any male yet. But.....wouldnt that also confuse the person too? Cause im the femenine type male. Please help.

 

[topdog]

Yes, sexuality is a big topic to have to reduce down to one label. You sound like you are young, but let me tell you that even when you are older it can still feel like you are giving people too much and too little information at the same time.

First of all, remember that you don't have to say anything to anyone. It's your life and your business.

Here's one way to think about it: Do you want your friends to introduce you to cute boys or cute girls? Or both?

Don't feel like you have to put yourself in a box (being too restrictive), or needing to explain complicated feelings and experience (too much information).

Just give them what they need to help you take your next step. If you want to meet boys, then tell them you are gay. If you like both, then tell them you are bisexual. Or tell them you are straight, if you just want to date girls.

Don't get pulled into the whole "Am I 100% gay?" inner dialog. Who knows? Who ever knows? As the years go by it will become more clear. The only relevant question is who do you want to date next? If you change your mind next year, then that's OK. Other than your family and closest friends, nobody really cares about the details of your sexual complications. They just don't want to be embarrassed by saying the wrong thing.

Coming back to the subject of telling people at all - you have the most power when you take the initiative and set people on the right track. That is, IF you are comfortable with yourself and you feel the environment is safe. It can sometimes take a while to get to that comfort level - which is OK. And depending on where you live, society may be welcoming, indifferent, or hostile to your sexuality. Those are important factors to consider.

Your safety, both emotionally and physically, comes first. After that its time to get some dates going.

 

[Stonecold]

I would base my answer on who is asking and why they are asking.

 

[Stonecold]

topdog, good answer except I can tell you I for one know I am 100 percent Gay.

 

[brmstn69]

My general reply is...

"Why? Are you cruising for a piece of ass?"

 

[OLMPKY]

My general reply is...

"Why? Are you cruising for a piece of ass?"

lol. That'll get me injured. Im black.

 

[OLMPKY]

Okay. So is it okay OR is it not rude to ask them "why"? can i just ask them why?

 

[topdog]

I'm sure that there will be various opinions on this. Mine is that the only thing that matters is how you want to represent yourself. I don't think that what is happening inside the questioner's head makes any difference. Asking people why they want to know makes you sound defensive and suspicious of their motives. They are kind of going out on a limb asking the question. I would want to encourage that, as opposed to just assuming that everyone they meet is straight.

What does everyone else think?

 

[Whisper]

Personally I hate labels, in my opinion sexuality is natural part of us and still we all make it something way too complicated (like yes, I'm straight-ish woman with bisexual features in me... ). And in my opinion your sexuality is something you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. It is not their business.

...sorry, little cranky this morning...

 

[OLMPKY]

Thank you guys for all your replies. Um...i guess......i'll just tell em straight up yes then lol. Although it would be SO dumb on their end for them coming up to me asking that question when they already know that im gay from a distance (im femenine). I dont get that. But it really is NONE of their freakkkin businaz doe. Geez.

 

[Otage]

I usually just say yes. Their reaction to that is their reaction. Tired of circling around the subject. If they have a broblem with that, they can piss off. I also may add, "are you" with a But say what you wanna say, what you feel comfortable with. Say what ever feels comfortable at the moment. But being open, your changes of hooking up increases.

And if you fear saying it, then learn to accept yourself first. Then it's easier to be honest about yourself. I may have just repeated things people have allready said, but soooo tired, and didn't read everything:yawn: Nightshifts...

 

[OLMPKY]

I usually just say yes. Their reaction to that is their reaction. Tired of circling around the subject. If they have a broblem with that, they can piss off. I also may add, "are you" with a But say what you wanna say, what you feel comfortable with. Say what ever feels comfortable at the moment. But being open, your changes of hooking up increases.

And if you fear saying it, then learn to accept yourself first. Then it's easier to be honest about yourself. I may have just repeated things people have allready said, but soooo tired, and didn't read everything:yawn: Nightshifts...

Yeah. I understand this. and yeah i may just say yes then. I guess til i wanna change. oh well.