Coping with Loss

[hisaronu]

I dont want to be too sad guys but I was just wondering if anyone has had to cope with the loss of their partner suddendly and without warning? My best friend for 27 years lover and civil partner died suddenley 18 months ago. We met when he was 18 and I was 21. I miss him every minute of every day as we were so much in love and I know he can never be replaced but I also know that I have a live to live and have to move on. Any advice?

Love Steve

 

[Almadel]

I totally understand you. I lost my boyfriend not later than two months ago, we were living together for ten years.

My life won't be the same again but I have been lucky enough to have some special friends near me.

I'm trying to keep my mind busy enough just to not think to what happened, but it's so difficult..
I think that only the time can heal wounds so deep and nothing more.
I wish you all the best for your life.

 

[bloop2]

Life is so unpredictable. Although you have lost someone, always try to see the better side of things and move forward as each day goes by. I can only imagine you're partner would want it that way. My sincerest condolence <3

 

[jeansGuyOZ]

I'd say that if you "also know that I have a live to live and have to move on" you are well on the right road to recovery. Grieving is healthy. It only becomes unhealthy when it stops you from moving on into new territory, thereby feeding into itself and keeping itself going.

My female cousin's husband died not very long after they were married. As a maater of fact, they knew when they were married that the disease was probably terminal. She has been happily married to her second husband for many years, but she is quite comfortable talking about things she did with David, her first husband. It's not a matter of him being replaced - she found someone else to fill the gap in a different way.

 

[Casanova]

Hiya! Sorry to hear about your loss. I think it is tough when someone you love so much for so long has passed away. Honestly, I really, really admire your love for him, because when you truly love someone, it can take a very long time to heal.

Normally, friends, family, society and others looking from the outside would say to move on, and of course you have said you know you should move on, but here is my advice to you.

Cry, if you have to, talk to someone if you need to. Let it out, even if it means doing it for another year or two. Just do it in your own way, at your own pace, because in the end this is your way in dealing with the loss of a loved one.

My sincerest condolences ♥

 

[iotbg]

Hiya! Sorry to hear about your loss. I think it is tough when someone you love so much for so long has passed away. Honestly, I really, really admire your love for him, because when you truly love someone, it can take a very long time to heal.

Normally, friends, family, society and others looking from the outside would say to move on, and of course you have said you know you should move on, but here is my advice to you.

Cry, if you have to, talk to someone if you need to. Let it out, even if it means doing it for another year or two. Just do it in your own way, at your own pace, because in the end this is your way in dealing with the loss of a loved one.

My sincerest condolences ♥

i second that.

My sincerest condolences also,Steve

 

[richym]

My deepest sympathies to those who have lost loved ones. That is a terrible thing to go through. As others have said, grief is different for each person, so take the road that suits you. You are wanting to move on, and that is the main thing. Make sure that you have friends around who will listen when you just need to talk about the one you love, and who will support you in those times. Find the things that cheer your soul and do them. It will be a long journey, but hopefully day by day you will each take steps forward.

 

[dargelos]

Dear Steve, I've thinking about your post all day, it strikes a deep chord in me, I've got to try to say something but it can only be words, mere words. Twenty years ago my boyfriend almost died. The thought that he could have died scares me shitless. We are mated for life just like you two. Not an item, The Item. This the idea that has echoed in my head ever since: If I die first I will be spared the misery of losing him, if he dies first he will be spared the misery of losing me. After all this time chewing up my brain now I think that, if there is any suffering to be done, let it be me, for when you really love someone, his pain hurts me more than my own ever could. Can you see what I mean ? And then I thought about Kenneth Williams, the brilliant wit who had a successful entertainment career but his life was ultimately a failure because he never got what he really wanted, a man to love. Compare that to how successful your life has been, you have known true love , it's the best feeling in the world, worth more than all the fast cars and flash clothes a millionaire can buy. Heartbreaking to think of all you've lost but at least you've been there, you know what it means to make another man happy. Here are two sayings; "better to have loved and lost" etc and "one only truly loves once", both cheesy as Mills & Boon but both completely true. This board is a good place to talk , I've gone on too long, do write again.
Be strong.

 

[Tjerk12]

Hisarony you really touched my heart. I know what a loss means. When you get older you get frequently situations of severe loss. It hurts and there is no help. Whatever somebody says, how well meant, it does not help. I lost within two years five people who I loved dearly. The only thing I can say is, that there is no cure, I miss them every day. But it warms my heart that my emotional bonds to that people enriched my life every day by thinking of them. They did not disappear in my mind, but are still a part of my existence. It is a pain, but also a form of beauty that they had part of my existence. Every day I think of my father and my mother, who I loved dearly. They died many years ago, but in my mind they are still present They are part of my life. I cherish that thought. Actually they are not dead, just vanished out of my life. In times of severe pain I can speak to them and they answer. Your friend will answer you, when you are open to it. Share him, it helps.