Ever get bored with mindless smalltalk?

[Otage]

Especially at work when people are talking about their vacation trips, children, laughing at stupid jokes etc. and you just have to laugh with them, cause if you don't, your not social etc. And these days you have to be energetic, positive, interested with everything, good at everything, polite, strict when needed and top of that you have to stand mindless smalltalk on coffee brakes~X( And I don't think it's wise to change job and re-educate yourself just in hope to get a place with actually interesting people...

 

[MaximumT]

Quite often actually! Unfortunately, smalltalk is a something you have to put up with. Some people are much better at it, while some aren't. I, myself, am in the latter category. But I've stopped pretending. People I work with know I'm not the most active talker and have accepted that. They know I'm more of a listener than talker. Doesn't mean we don't get along, just that if I don't have anything to say, I don't speak.

 

[Urban]

It depends. I'm pretty gregarious, & I enjoy small talk, as long as I don't dislike the person/persons whom I'm talking with. Among a regular group (friends, office workers) it provides a lot of information about each person's tastes & personality, especially over the long run. And I enjoy hearing about people's families & what they did over the weekend. I participate even when I'm not especially interested in the topic, & if I don't know anything about it, I usually ask questions & learn.

Problems occur for me when someone monopolizes the conversation, talks very loud, or always wants to talk about him/herself or family, or always wants to turn the conversation in one direction. Then I just walk away.

If you try joining in, you might get to know people better & enjoy it, and you might learn a few things. If you usually join in, then you can walk away when you want to & no one will think you're being antisocial. And as MaximumT said, you don't even have to talk, just be there & listen; you'll still be thought of as part of the group.

 

[Otage]

Two very good perspectives.

 

[jeansGuyOZ]

For some reason many of the gay men I associate with seem obsessed with discussing the merits of various restaurants and cafes. In particular I am getting very sick of hearing the line "(so-and-so) do a fantastic breakfast".

It never ceases to amaze me what things many people consider to be the vitally important issues. I care who wins the next election and what policies they implement; I care about people losing their homes from floods and bushfires; I care about the fact that peasants in North Korea have a diet significanlly poorer than that of dogs in Australia. I simply cannot get worked up about which cafe in the city does the better latte.

 

[topdog]

Well, let's not dump small talk completely. I am also an introvert, and really don't like to do all the blah blah blah. But small talk exists so we can begin to introduce ourselves and get to know new people. You don't have to know anything about the new person to go up to them and comment on the weather. Then you ask a few not-too-personal questions, and the person becomes less of a stranger.

Now, the goal is that as you get to know the person, the small talk fades away because you know each other and start to talk about real things. Unless you don't like the person - then you just keep things superficial.

I'm getting the impression that you don't really like the people you work with, even though they may like each other and find a lot in common to discuss. That's OK - no one expects you to be buddy-buddy with everyone. But you might want to consider that you are contributing to this situation: you don't want to engage with these people; you want to keep your distance.

Once again, there's nothing wrong with that. But own it. Maybe they are boring people, but you are still making a choice to stay out of the conversation.

 

[XMan101]

It breaks the ice, I can't prattle on about nothing for very long, and I'll often turn it into something more substantial. Depends how long the conversation is and where you are and what you're doing.

It has its place, but I'd agree, conversations about soaps, fashion, etc , etc don't hold my attention for very long!

 

[davidc]

It depends. Small talk is a great door opener if you basically don't know how to approach someone for something more "important." I would by no means qualify myself as shy or an introvert, but very often, when I know I "want something" from the other person, some small comment about the weather, how slow the elevator is, or "gee, you are a fast walker," will get us both more comfortable with the situation.

 

[etilit]

hmmm..smalltalk? you impose your thoughts on it if you expand it than how can it be boring? its now your thinking!! lol

 

[jeansGuyOZ]

I've never been much good as a conversationalist. I have learned one useful thing though, that I read somewhere: talk in such a way that it leaves openings for the other.

For example:
You: "What work do you do?"
Other: "I'm an accountant".
...
...
(Awkward silence)

Better to ask "Tell me about what you do for a living". They can then respond with one word, or if they prefer they can talk for five minutes about how fantastic or how boring their job is. Then you can relate it to your own work.

If course if the kind of things they say don't interest you, that can't be helped, but you at least gave yourself the opportunity to find out.

 

[carsonjl]

I enjoy making dumb jokes with people just for the hell of it but hate talking about the weather, etc.

 

[Otage]

Oh yes the weather talk! If I'd be working in a shop or somenthing, how many times a day would I hear about it I hope this doesn't count as talking about weather... More like talking about the talking about the weather

 

[jeansGuyOZ]

Don't be too dismissive about comments on the weather. Very often, some brief comment about the weather is really just one person sounding out the other, finding out if they wish to talk and hoping for a lead in to some topic. The weather is one of the few experiences we all have in common. Moreover it's not controversial in the way that, for example, giving your opinion about the present government might not go down well if the other happens to have a different opinion.

Of course if you have been talking for ten minutes and you still can't think of anything to discuss except the weather, maybe it's a lost cause and you should move on.

 

[peter123]

Especially at work when people are talking about their vacation trips, children, laughing at stupid jokes etc. and you just have to laugh with them, cause if you don't, your not social etc. And these days you have to be energetic, positive, interested with everything, good at everything, polite, strict when needed and top of that you have to stand mindless smalltalk on coffee brakes~X( And I don't think it's wise to change job and re-educate yourself just in hope to get a place with actually interesting people...

YEP

 

[tonka]

I like small talk, in small doses.
When I get into work every day... it's either the traffic or the weather. It's what we have in common, and so we begin the day.

The weather is our every day life. Enjoy it, curse it, live it. It was a wonderful spring day here. I did some yard work; I dragged out the porch chairs for my downstairs tenants; I looked over my bike and filled the tires after the winter.
Small talk? Everyday life talk.

 

[Cerno]

Small talk can be turned into "big talk" if you know how Just shove a small trivia book in your pocket

 

[tonka]

I was just reading a story about the Boston bombers. After they were publicly identified, they went crazy. They killed an MIT cop, and then they kidnapped this random guy. He was a Chinese guy who came here for school, and stayed to work at a high tech start up.
At that moment, they were the most wanted men in the world. If they were successful, they were going to blow up Times Square. Unsuccessful...they were dead.
So what was the conversation as they drove around? Politics? The meaning of their lives? Nope. Small talk. The new Iphone. The best way to stream music to your car.

Even in those moments...small talk.

 

[jw4833]

I remember this so-called straight guy had visited me one evening with his friend and he went into creating small talk about when the both of them had invited a couple of women to the friend's home and he went on rambling about the events that occurred throughout the evening which amounted to nothing in particular and the evening ended with the ladies leaving and the two of them eventually falling off to sleep by themselves. I tend to believe that he went into this mindful chatter to keep his buddy from being suspicious of the fact that he is hanging around this gay guy which is me and that he had feelings for. This was something that was mindless chatter that he could have kept to himself.

 

[trencherman]

What do you think this general discussion thread mostly is, deep discussions of life and death issues?

 

[Otage]

What do you think this general discussion thread mostly is, deep discussions of life and death issues?

Well, we have been there too But in forums you can choose to check the threads you like, and answer to those you like. In smalltalk you kinda have to listen and at least pretend that you're interested if you want to be polite. Would be rude just to say all the time, that I don't like that subject so pick another And it's easy to close the forum, but when chatting with someone who has the worse case of talk diarrhea ever, it can be difficult to end the chat fast without seeming rude. But yes, in a sense most of general discussion threads can be counted as smalltalk, even though I don't think it's the exactly same thing as in face-to-face conversations.