Hi guys. Im sorry in advance for this but thank you for taking a look.
I dont really have anyone i can go to for help in my life. That im not paying to ... which makes me feel even worst.
Im about to turn 25 this month. And i have just been feeling exhausted. I suffer from depression but the past few weeks have been very hard. I realize i have no one in my life ..its not by choice. I try and be social and live but i tend to offend ppl by speaking my mind. For me it was really hard growing up and owning my voice. Im not rude but i say what i think/feel and i like to discuss poiny of views with ppl.but its like initial contact with ppl ... they like me and want to spend time with me.but once they start noticing that every day is a struggle for me ppl tend to run. Dont get me wrong. Im not the kind to spill my gut out as i am doing rn. But i always go out of my way to make day better because its something i wish someone would do for me. I help ppl and pretty much treat individuals with kindness. But i have no respect for ppl who take stuff for granted. I have had to work my ass off for every thing.this is a bit or jealousy talking but no one has ever gone out their way for me. I have learbed to carry my weight but thats the problem when im low as i am now. I have no one. I told a coworker ..me and him are kind of close i guess (?) That every day i literally fight to get out of bed and shower. I dont sleep more then 3 hours or 5 on a good day. The time im up i spend reading about work or watching webinars or doing more work. But idk what happened to me ... when i lost contact with my partying friends i realized i didnt have anyone.
I talk to my coworker about this guy lets call him vinnie... this is sad but i claim him as my bf because we have known eachother since i was 18. We lived together for a year but in that year he only let me give him a bj twice. I havent seen him in a year because he moved to vegas. But vinnie never has time to come see me because of work. I work 12 hours everyday maybe more on some days 6 days a week. And if he calls me i drop everything because i feel .... . Wanted. I have been helping vinnie out with money since i was 18. About 1k every month now but before ... lets jist say i have given him over 100k. Alot of it was money my grandpa left me when he died. Ive never told anyone this.
But now i help him with 1k every 2 weeks because i feel bad for him and i dont wantvto think hes struggling to eat.
We have never had sex. I am a virgin. Im almost 25 it makes me cry when i think about it but when i ask him to make me his. He always finds an excuse for why we should wait. Vinnie knows my life story he knows me better then my therapist tbh. But at this point its obvious he doesnt care about me just about the money i give him. Are ppl really that cruel? If i met someone like me i wouldnt even think of hurting them or taking advantage of them. Is that what vinnie is doing?
He lives with his gf right now.... shes a cam girl.and when we lived together he left on a trip to brazil with a older gay guy tat he says is like a older brother. But one day i was using his cell and he got texts from a "girl" named bekki saying she couldnt lend him money to fix his car because of their vacation but she couldnt wait for his dick because it feels soo good in his ass. I read previous texts and it was obvious this was a guy. I recognized the number too. I confronted him but he turned it on me. Saying if he calls and its a girll to get the fuck out his place. He never called. Snuck away when i was cryimg and when he came back it was a different number saved and no msgs.
I asked him today if he would finally have sex with me on monday since hes coming. Im buying his planr ticket and hotel room but hes coming to see his dentist and doctor. Yeah i know not to see me but is it bad that its better then nothing? Anyways he said no to calm down he hasnt seen me in over a year that we have to take it slow.
Can anyone bless me with life experience please. I dont want to be alone... what if he does like me but hes scared and im exaggerating little stuff that dont mean anything. Why doesbt he want to have sex with me. To me his perfection when hes being nice. I want to sleep and never wake up kus i cant be strong anymore whats the point.
I dont really have anyone i can go to for help in my life. That im not paying to ... which makes me feel even worst.
Im about to turn 25 this month. And i have just been feeling exhausted. I suffer from depression but the past few weeks have been very hard. I realize i have no one in my life ..its not by choice. I try and be social and live but i tend to offend ppl by speaking my mind. For me it was really hard growing up and owning my voice. Im not rude but i say what i think/feel and i like to discuss poiny of views with ppl.but its like initial contact with ppl ... they like me and want to spend time with me.but once they start noticing that every day is a struggle for me ppl tend to run. Dont get me wrong. Im not the kind to spill my gut out as i am doing rn. But i always go out of my way to make day better because its something i wish someone would do for me. I help ppl and pretty much treat individuals with kindness. But i have no respect for ppl who take stuff for granted. I have had to work my ass off for every thing.this is a bit or jealousy talking but no one has ever gone out their way for me. I have learbed to carry my weight but thats the problem when im low as i am now. I have no one. I told a coworker ..me and him are kind of close i guess (?) That every day i literally fight to get out of bed and shower. I dont sleep more then 3 hours or 5 on a good day. The time im up i spend reading about work or watching webinars or doing more work. But idk what happened to me ... when i lost contact with my partying friends i realized i didnt have anyone.
I talk to my coworker about this guy lets call him vinnie... this is sad but i claim him as my bf because we have known eachother since i was 18. We lived together for a year but in that year he only let me give him a bj twice. I havent seen him in a year because he moved to vegas. But vinnie never has time to come see me because of work. I work 12 hours everyday maybe more on some days 6 days a week. And if he calls me i drop everything because i feel .... . Wanted. I have been helping vinnie out with money since i was 18. About 1k every month now but before ... lets jist say i have given him over 100k. Alot of it was money my grandpa left me when he died. Ive never told anyone this.
But now i help him with 1k every 2 weeks because i feel bad for him and i dont wantvto think hes struggling to eat.
We have never had sex. I am a virgin. Im almost 25 it makes me cry when i think about it but when i ask him to make me his. He always finds an excuse for why we should wait. Vinnie knows my life story he knows me better then my therapist tbh. But at this point its obvious he doesnt care about me just about the money i give him. Are ppl really that cruel? If i met someone like me i wouldnt even think of hurting them or taking advantage of them. Is that what vinnie is doing?
He lives with his gf right now.... shes a cam girl.and when we lived together he left on a trip to brazil with a older gay guy tat he says is like a older brother. But one day i was using his cell and he got texts from a "girl" named bekki saying she couldnt lend him money to fix his car because of their vacation but she couldnt wait for his dick because it feels soo good in his ass. I read previous texts and it was obvious this was a guy. I recognized the number too. I confronted him but he turned it on me. Saying if he calls and its a girll to get the fuck out his place. He never called. Snuck away when i was cryimg and when he came back it was a different number saved and no msgs.
I asked him today if he would finally have sex with me on monday since hes coming. Im buying his planr ticket and hotel room but hes coming to see his dentist and doctor. Yeah i know not to see me but is it bad that its better then nothing? Anyways he said no to calm down he hasnt seen me in over a year that we have to take it slow.
Can anyone bless me with life experience please. I dont want to be alone... what if he does like me but hes scared and im exaggerating little stuff that dont mean anything. Why doesbt he want to have sex with me. To me his perfection when hes being nice. I want to sleep and never wake up kus i cant be strong anymore whats the point.