Senseless: a blog regarding bullying/gay teen suicides...

[JonnyFantastico]

After learning this week of the five sad deaths of young men who have all taken their own lives after being teased and attacked based on their sexuality, I felt the need to write a blog about it. I was feeling quite a bit after reading each and every story and it culminated in what you're about to read here... please feel free to comment.

I'm not even sure how to start this one off, guys... it might seem a bit scattered in parts, so forgive me beforehand.

This has been quite a sad week for me; someone who is by all means, proud of who he is. Someone who wears what I am and who I am with the utmost pride and satisfaction. Sure, I have my faults as we all do. But usually, I revel in what makes me Jonny Fantastico... but this week, that same pride has brought me so many tears for others who don't have it as easy.

The news this week has been seemingly filled with so much pain and turmoil, as it always does... Obama isn't doing everything he promised, the recession is costing people more jobs and causes them to scramble to keep their lives straight... sadly, these are all common.

But it's something else that has had me reeling with emotion: anger, sadness, fear, confusion... something that needs to end. Something that should never even be an issue especially in this day and age with people fighting for equality, for truth; for all of the things we deserve.

In the past three weeks alone, there have been five senseless deaths of young men from the ages of 12-19. Five men who all committed suicide for similar reasons: for being teased, tormented, attacked, ridiculed and put down all because they were gay. Of course, the scary point is that these are only five young men that we're hearing about. There are many others, boys and girls; who end their lives because they feel there is no way out, that we never even notice. The fact that these five are actually making local and nation-wide news right now shows you just how out of hand this is becoming.

One story is more heartbreaking than the next, only adding fuel to everyone's melancholy fire. Asher Brown, a 13-year old boy from Texas shot himself after constant ridicule from his classmates. Seth Walsh, another 13-year old from California, hung himself. Billy Lucas, a 15-year-old high school student from Indiana, hung himself. Tyler Clementi, an 18-year-old college student at Rutgers University, drove himself to the George Washington Bridge after finding out two of his classmates had recorded him in an intimate situation with another male... and jumped to his death. And the latest story (that we know of)... a 19-year-old college student, Raymond Chase from upstate New York hung himself in his Rhode Island college dorm room.

People are angry... and rightfully so. Five people, all who had yet to even discover what life truly has to offer are no longer here... and it hurts. A lot of people seem to think that bullying makes us tougher; it prepares us for what life offers us down the road... and to an extent, that is true. But to paraphrase something Ellen DeGeneres said in a very touching video, being a teenager; discovering who you are as a person, is tough enough. Imagine going through that and being gay. It is not an easy path. It has been said that gay teens are more likely to end their life then their straight counterparts. Unfortunately, this week has proven that statement quite a bit.

A lot of people look at me and my comments in this life and think I have had it pretty easy... and to the naked eye, maybe I give off that impression. I was very lucky to have some very great people who were around me when I was just discovering who I was and I silently thank them each and every day... but there were a few who could be very hateful and hurtful. I'm not here to call them out in any sense, although there is still a pained boy inside of me who wants to. I have forgiven a lot of the negativity and comments that were said to me as I was growing up, but it's still very much there... and it's moments like these where innocent lives are ended all-too-soon that bring them up for me; moments that bring me back to growing up gay and trying to find a path in this life that made it all okay.

It wasn't easy... but somewhere down that road, I lucked out. Things aren't perfect, of course; but I consider myself pretty well off... but not everyone ends up that way.

A lot of people are trying to place blame in these five deaths; it seems to be the easier route. To point a finger or two always seems to be the simpler way. I'm probably the only one who can't do that completely... had it not been these people who caused all of this pain and hurt in the lives of those boys, it would've been others. It's sad to admit it, but in this world; that's the way it is. For every good person, there are always others who aren't so good. And to point one finger at these people mean that you have to point another finger at the person who allowed this other person to view life this way; the one who taught someone that it was okay to tease a person for being different. And so on. And so on. There aren't enough fingers in the world and that's another scary thought... and while we continue to point, many others fall between the cracks and feel lost... and before you know it, there's another life lost... and it just starts all over again.

It hurts to see that it takes so much tragedy to start a movement, but if there's one thing positive going on from all of this... it's the love and support I'm seeing overtake everyone. Celebrities and everyday people are taking a stand, reaching out... some are crying with us, some are holding us, but they are there. Columnist Dan Savage has started a bit of a campaign he's calling, "It Gets Better", where he (and as of late, celebrity blogger Perez Hilton) are reaching out to everyone to record a video for YouTube to speak to these LGBT children who feel like they are alone and telling them in a sense, that they aren't. I personally have seen countless videos since this inception not even 3 days ago and to see these people; to hear these voices are truly exceptional. Some of them are even going above and beyond the call of duty: one of my favorite singers, Chris Salvatore (who was been posted on this blog quite a few times) has created an e-mail address for anyone to reach him; just to talk.

There is something we can do, people. For all of those who always wonder if they truly have a voice and can truly make a difference... this is the time to show that we do.

To all the gaybies out there (that means "gay babies"), I say this: I know it's tough. Trust me, I've been there and there are many others who have been there before you and will be there after you... I'm not pushing your pain down because it is very real. We have all been hurt on that path of growing up. You are NEVER alone. For every harmful voice, there is a voice of reason. If your parents won't listen or you feel like you can't speak to them, speak to another relative. A friend. A guidance counselor. A teacher. Find a number for a hotline; there are many out there (such as "The Trevor Project") that can help you. I'm sure you've always learned to ask for help when you need it... and this is definitely a time for you to do that. Do not feel ashamed, do not feel abandoned... do not feel alone. Because you aren't.

To the families, friends and loved ones of Asher, Seth, Billy, Tyler and Raymond; my deepest condolences. Know that there are many who feel your pain and are sending nothing but love and strength your way. Their deaths will not be in vain. We will fight. We will make a difference.

To everyone else reading this: we need to wake up. We are losing lives here and you have the power to reach out. We are all human, no matter what label may be attached to us. We are all beautiful. We have a voice. Use it!

With love, strength and more love,
Jonny Fantastico

 

[ritsuka]

I think it is right to point the finger at the homophobic society and the schools, the families, the people who bullied these youths to death. We need to "make it better" from the beginning instead of embracing the moral platitude that people are better for having been criminally victimized; when they most definitely aren't. It is possible to stop bullying and protect young people more than they currently are, create more accepting, nonviolent communities.

People condescendingly say things like "when you're older, you'll see..." all the time; I seriously doubt doing so again is going to prevent suicides, no matter how genuine the feeling behind these video messages. Things don't get better for everyone, either. Globally, young men (lgbt and otherwise) have higher suicide rates than any other subset of society; it has to do with how they are treated, not because no one claimed things would get better. Things need to change so people will have a better time.

 

[richym]

It is so sad to hear about these deaths. It is terrible that as a world we are so unaccepting of others that we drive young people to do this to themselves. I'm a youth worker, and it pains me to see young people take their own life. They are so full of potential, battered down because of the idiots around us.
Yes our society needs to change, we need to accept others more. But I think we as people need to change as well. We need to take time to listen to others. In particular we need to take time to listen to our young people, to hear their stories and to support them through their teenage years. I love the net, because I can chat with gay young people around the world, and be there as a listening ear. And I think sometimes I make their life better. What if we each did that, what if those young people had an older guy there, to listen to them, to support them through their teenage years. How great would that be. I guess we all need to face the challenge, not just blame society.

 

[JonnyFantastico]

I think it is right to point the finger at the homophobic society and the schools, the families, the people who bullied these youths to death. We need to "make it better" from the beginning instead of embracing the moral platitude that people are better for having been criminally victimized; when they most definitely aren't.

A lot of people have actually been confused as to what I meant regarding "pointing fingers", so let me explain it a bit further and in sense, invoke the sense of a much older person in the process. Forgive me beforehand!

When it comes to situations such as the case with Tyler Clementi; who was accosted by people who were old enough to know what they were doing and how their actions could hurt someone... yes, in that case; I can understand placing blame there. They are at an age to know well enough that taping someone in such a private act; no matter their sex or sexuality would cause a lot of pain and hurt in their private lives. That is unacceptable and they broke the law. In a situation like that, I have no doubt that people would be pointing fingers and that's acceptable...

But what about these other cases of kids... "babies", as my mother would say attacking these other young lives? Their brains aren't as well developed as an adult's would be. Your first thought might be to blame their parents... but what happens when you find that their parents are very accepting and open to the LGBT community? Where do you turn, then? Their peers who are the same age as them? That would seem to be wrong, in my opinion. Kids have a lot of growing to do; emotionally as well as physically. They can be taught differently. Their minds at age 13 can be very different than that at age 21. Remember the part of my blog where I mentioned I was teased about my sexuality at a young age? I had a friend growing up who constantly joked about it; who always found a reason to make a comment... years later, he sat down with me and tearfully apologized for who he was at that point. He told me that my friendship meant more to him than he ever let on and it was obvious how sorry he was. I hugged him and cried with him and accepted his truthful feelings (and yes, he's straight).

I'm not saying this always happens; some ignorance is hard to overcome and move forward from, but there are some who are not the same person they were as a child. It's hard to place blame on such a young soul or the people that surround them because we don't always know where they get that influence from and there's always the possibility that life will teach them better than a accusatory finger ever would.

 

[haha]

My heart goes out to all the relatives of these five young men!I would like to believe that their death will at least serve as a big alert to the society that this problem exists and will be a huge step to the society`s "maturing".Even tho at this tragic cost.
What would help all these kids to ignore all the hateful comments at school or in the street or anywhere else is a strong,loving family!

Wonderful post,Jonny!

 

[thegaydeceiver]

Johnny, please, we need to know the URL of your Blog.

I, and others, too, would like to link to it, and thereby link it to a World-wide network of other Blogs where folks just like you, and me, are speaking out about these atrocities.

And folks, go to all the major Media web-sites, open just one of the articles being talked about, and comment, and link that story and your comments, to that of others, in other web-sites and thereby help further the network of linked shared resources on this worthy topic.

As a Global Community we need now, more than ever, in the face of the Religion Nazis, and their supporters, to be PROACTIVE. We need to be seen and to be heard, and this must happen like never before.

In the past two days, I and several associates have been instrumental in getting at least three, and quite possibly more, anti-gay web-sites shut down invoking required compliance under Canadian Hate Law. These were web-sites, largely domiciled in the continental U.S., but, who had quite foolishly it now transpires, used a Canadian Company to obtain and register their Domains; this not-withstanding their being in turn later hosted by an American hosting service. The Canadian Company who facilitated the registration was, and is required by Canadian Law to comply with Law as if the enterprise were physically located within the territorial boundaries of The Dominion of Canada, and therefore once apprised of the nature of the content featured on these Domains, had little recourse but to forever block, and subsequently order the shut down of the web-sites in question by the respective hosting service. That's three down, and God knows how many more to go; but, it will happen, one way or another; but, it needs all of us to speak out and protest too; and to keep the heat up, one day at a time.

We similarly are in the process of having a number of hate-driven and inspired vidéos removed from YouTube, and elsewhere, each under the same provisions. It the parent web-site referring, and uploading the vidéo was registered using a Canadian Domain Registrar, we can, and will, shut them down, and get their scurrilous content removed.

Warren C. E. Austin
The Gay Deceiver
Toronto, Canada

 

[Alex S]

If the parents are not at fault then you blame the media, religious leaders and most of all for young people...sports.

Young people today are constantly bombarded with anti-gay messages all they have to do is turn on their televisions. They will see some nutcase religious leader condemning them to hell or a member of congress telling them they are destroying the fabric of society because they want to serve openly in the military or want to marry the person they love. The media loves putting these jackals on the air to spew their hate and divisiveness. To me, the media is more culpable than the politician or the religious right for giving them a platform.

Sports are huge in the United States and if you aren't interested or not good at them then you can be singled out simply for that. You're a "sissy" or a "fag" even if your not. Children can be cruel but, coaches and teachers that over look the behavior of the bullies are the real problem. Many of the children that committed suicide went to authority figures and they did nothing and we've now seen the results of their inaction.

The video clips for "it gets better" may not be the ultimate solution but, it is a start. And, it has brought national attention to the problem. So, hopefully more will be done and gay teens will find the help that they need and will stop killing themselves.

 

[josh_the_hot_boy]

Suicide is never going to be easy. Its never going to be a fun conversation but it needs to be talked about. We need to pay more attention to the people at risk. (Hence why I wrote the thread about it a while back) When someone commits suicide it bothers me on a deeply personal level. It makes me think that I can't even think about doing it myself because I have to be around to help those who don't have the means to help themselves. I have to be a voice for those who have been silenced by society. Oppressed by the hate. See I know what its like. I've been there many times. Its hard, harder than people could ever know. It eats away at your soul. If we allow such hate to continue we are allowing hundreds if not thousands to die needlessly every year. Do we want a to be a nation responsible for the death of thousands? Tens of thousands of people die every year. Some for things that were unpreventable. Some for their own stupidity but others die for what cause we can't treat them like decent loving human beings. Cause we treat them like their Hitler. 10 people could die tomorrow in the war and it would be news like the world was coming to an end. If a hundred people were to kill them selves in the next ten days it would get about as big a memorial as a fly dieing in a landfill. We would be like oh that's terrible. It can be really tough these days yeah know. I hope the parents do okay. We need to go after the root of the problem. The hate has to end. Thousands of people need not die just because of intolerance. Listen I've been around that block way to many times I don't want to see other people go though it. They shouldn't have to experience things like this. People have to speak up have to be a voice for those who have been silenced.