Was i wrong?? And does she has the right to be mad at me??

[jw4833]

Hey Guys:

After giving this considerable thought...I decided to share this situation with you all for your advice on this matter. I got off work early last night and ran into my nephew who asked for a ride to my older sister's house. One of my other sisters is staying with her for awhile since her divorce early last year and since then...it was brought to my attention that she is dating a new guy and things are going pretty well between them. With that being said...she was home last night and when she saw me...she asked me to do her favor. She went on to tell me that this guy was coming over and they were supposed to go out for a late dinner. However, she claimed that she will not be able to go with him and was helping my older sister with a personal matter and wanted me to stay around and answer the door when he comes by and make up an excuse for her. I immediately decline doing this because I did not want any involvement and fell to understand why she just could not tell him the truth and be done with it. She went on to say that its none of his business and she would owe me if I did her this favor. While we were going back and forth with the bickering...the doorbell rang and there this guy stood at the side door. My sister pushed me towards the door in order to force me into this situation.

I answered the door with a formal greeting and introduced myself since I have never met him. Once I did this...this guy's face light up like a Christmas tree. He responded that he is really happy to finally meet me since out of every member of the family, I was the only one that he had not met. I have to say that this guy was HOT!!!...just GORGEOUS!!! and had a captivating smile that made you MELT!!!..LOL....I went on to tell him this "excuse" that my sister thought up and apologized on her behalf. Although he seemed to fall for this story...he immediately asked me if I would join him for a late dinner? I responded with "Thank you, but no thanks". He kept pushing the issue and kept pursuing me to accept his invitation. He began to pout and I felt my balls move...haha...something about a man begging and pouting in an appropriate moment just gets me...LOL...Therefore, in order to get him to leave the premises...I accepted his invitation. This guy was elated and talked a mile a minute. Once we arrived at the restaurant, he shared a lot with me about his life which I found out that he is a Captain of one of the city's suburban Firefighter chapters. All the while he's chatting...in my head, I'm thinking.."WOW...sis really hit the jackpot with this one"...

Not only was he good looking, he was also very charming, smart and funny to say the least. After dinner, he insisted that I joined him for a couple of cocktails...which I did since I was enjoying his company. Afterwards, he drove me back to my sisters' house since I rode with him to the restaurant. He went in to give me a hug and went on to say that he hoped to see more of me and how much he enjoyed my company and how glad he was that he finally met me. Now..this is where things took an interesting turn. When I went into the house...both my sisters were pissed at me for going off with him. I responded with that he forced me and I agreed in order to save her ass and therefore, I felt she should thank me.

Unfortunately, the both of them disagreed went on to say that because I'm gay that I was making moves on him. WTF???...I took great offense to this considering that I did not want any parts of this situation considering the fact that I was never introduced to him....also, I would never do anything like that especially since I never revealed to him that I was a gay man unless she told him prior to meeting me and he already knew. Also, if she felt that way about things ...then why did she want me to lie for her or better yet...MEET HIM!!!!. She then asked me to leave which I did. Needless to say...I was driving home pissed off with them bringing up the "gay remark". I am very much aware that they both are not accepting of my being gay but I do not care and I keep my distance and not around them rarely. Earlier today...my nephew contacted me to see if I was okay and to tell me that the firefighter had came by and he over heard him going on about how nice of a guy I was and how much enjoyed being around me and how he wanted to hang out with me again. OK...with all that being said...was I wrong in going to dinner with him???...was I out of line??...do my sister have every right to be angry at me???

Thanking all in advance whom had taking the time to read and respond to this ~X(

 

[gb2000ie]

Bearing mind that we are obviously only getting one side of the story, it seems to me that they owe you a BIG apology.

1) forcing you to lie is just flat out wrong - they owe you an apology for that
2) they have no right to be angry at you for taking up an offer of dinner - they owe you an apology for that
3) throwing your sexuality in your face is a pure dick-head move - they owe you a BIG apology for that.

If it were me, I would not speak to them till they apologised. They are not worthy of your company.

B.

 

[jw4833]

Bearing mind that we are obviously only getting one side of the story, it seems to me that they owe you a BIG apology.

1) forcing you to lie is just flat out wrong - they owe you an apology for that
2) they have no right to be angry at you for taking up an offer of dinner - they owe you an apology for that
3) throwing your sexuality in your face is a pure dick-head move - they owe you a BIG apology for that.

If it were me, I would not speak to them till they apologised. They are not worthy of your company.

B.

Thanks gb2000ie...but also bear in mind that in this case...my side of the story is the only one that counts considering the fact that my sisters are not going to come onto a Gay Forum and include any input to this discussion since they are both homophobic in so many ways and would terribly upset at the fact that I am discussing this with a Gay Forum...which is one of the reasons why I decided to share this discussion with you...but I do appreciate your response...you've made some very valid points...JW

 

[ritsuka]

I don't think you did anything wrong here. Your sister wanted to use you in order to lie to her boyfriend for immature reasons (what a great relationship they must have since it sounds like a junior high sort of atmosphere on her part), and then threw a jealous, homophobic fit because you hung out with him after she shoved you into this situation. She is the one in the wrong here, at every instance here. She/they should apologize to you and grow up.

 

[topdog]

So much to unpack here! They should do a reality show based on your life. Your family could put the 'Real Housewives..." to shame.

I agree with all of GB's points. But there are also other issues tucked away in there.

Your sister asked you to lie; you thought it was a bad idea and refused; she insisted; and in the end you did just what she wanted rather than what you thought was right. The guy asked you out; you thought it wasn't a good idea; he insisted; and you went along.

I'm not criticizing; we've all been in these situations. I am just pointing out that there may be a pattern here. Is there? In a difficult personal situation are you more likely to give in to keep the peace, rather than stick with your own judgement, even if it makes waves?

The other thing I would point out is that as wrong-headed as your sisters were in this whole situation, you must admit that they weren't that far off base when they expressed concern that you went out with him because you were attracted to him. You may not have made any actual moves, but the thought did cross your mind. This wasn't just a couple of "bros" hanging out (at least for you).

Finally, I think the relationship between this guy and your sister has some serious issues already if your sister is lying to him about whatever she is doing. That's just a lack of trust that is going to blow up at some point. Make sure you are not in the middle of that.

 

[josh_the_hot_boy]

Personally I think she's just not interested in him anymore and that makes him far game to other people.

 

[jw4833]

So much to unpack here! They should do a reality show based on your life. Your family could put the 'Real Housewives..." to shame.

I agree with all of GB's points. But there are also other issues tucked away in there.

Your sister asked you to lie; you thought it was a bad idea and refused; she insisted; and in the end you did just what she wanted rather than what you thought was right. The guy asked you out; you thought it wasn't a good idea; he insisted; and you went along.

I'm not criticizing; we've all been in these situations. I am just pointing out that there may be a pattern here. Is there? In a difficult personal situation are you more likely to give in to keep the peace, rather than stick with your own judgement, even if it makes waves?

The other thing I would point out is that as wrong-headed as your sisters were in this whole situation, you must admit that they weren't that far off base when they expressed concern that you went out with him because you were attracted to him. You may not have made any actual moves, but the thought did cross your mind. This wasn't just a couple of "bros" hanging out (at least for you).

Finally, I think the relationship between this guy and your sister has some serious issues already if your sister is lying to him about whatever she is doing. That's just a lack of trust that is going to blow up at some point. Make sure you are not in the middle of that.

TopDog: First and foremost..thanks so much for your response to my post...However...to answer your questions...I was not attracted to him the way you are implying...I just made a remark about the guy being handsome and hot...just because that was said did not mean that I wanted to have sex with him...I am not that kind of guy and I don't do things maliciously to say the least. No matter how hot I found him...I would never, never initiate anything physical with him if the opportunity had arrived...Now..I am not saying that this is what you were implying in your post/response..but I had to clarify my position on this. What I said was that my sister was lucky to have this guy because he came across as being so nice to me. Me saying this does not mean that I am attractive to him...just compliments..there is a difference...My sister kind of left me hanging to answer the door once the doorbell rang and yes..I did go along with the program to make peace with the situation and because of his persistence to get to know me since I was the only family member that he had never met since I am rarely around them. In regard to the status of their relationship...I really don't have much concern over that ...this is something between them and what they must resolve if there's any resolution to the matter...In other words...NONE OF MY BUSINESS...I just was doing her favor at that time...and besides..again...I am RARELY around them...

 

[jw4833]

So much to unpack here! They should do a reality show based on your life. Your family could put the 'Real Housewives..." to shame.

I agree with all of GB's points. But there are also other issues tucked away in there.

Your sister asked you to lie; you thought it was a bad idea and refused; she insisted; and in the end you did just what she wanted rather than what you thought was right. The guy asked you out; you thought it wasn't a good idea; he insisted; and you went along.

I'm not criticizing; we've all been in these situations. I am just pointing out that there may be a pattern here. Is there? In a difficult personal situation are you more likely to give in to keep the peace, rather than stick with your own judgement, even if it makes waves?

The other thing I would point out is that as wrong-headed as your sisters were in this whole situation, you must admit that they weren't that far off base when they expressed concern that you went out with him because you were attracted to him. You may not have made any actual moves, but the thought did cross your mind. This wasn't just a couple of "bros" hanging out (at least for you).

Finally, I think the relationship between this guy and your sister has some serious issues already if your sister is lying to him about whatever she is doing. That's just a lack of trust that is going to blow up at some point. Make sure you are not in the middle of that.

I answered the door with a formal greeting and introduced myself since I have never met him. Once I did this...this guy's face light up like a Christmas tree. He responded that he is really happy to finally meet me since out of every member of the family, I was the only one that he had not met. I have to say that this guy was HOT!!!...just GORGEOUS!!! and had a captivating smile that made you MELT!!!..LOL....I went on to tell him this "excuse" that my sister thought up and apologized on her behalf. Although he seemed to fall for this story...he immediately asked me if I would join him for a late dinner? I responded with "Thank you, but no thanks". He kept pushing the issue and kept pursuing me to accept his invitation. He began to pout and I felt my balls move...haha...something about a man begging and pouting in an appropriate moment just gets me...LOL...Therefore, in order to get him to leave the premises...I accepted his invitation. This guy was elated and talked a mile a minute. Once we arrived at the restaurant, he shared a lot with me about his life which I found out that he is a Captain of one of the city's suburban Firefighter chapters. All the while he's chatting...in my head, I'm thinking.."WOW...sis really hit the jackpot with this one"...

Not only was he good looking, he was also very charming, smart and funny to say the least. After dinner, he insisted that I joined him for a couple of cocktails...which I did since I was enjoying his company. Afterwards, he drove me back to my sisters' house since I rode with him to the restaurant. He went in to give me a hug and went on to say that he hoped to see more of me and how much he enjoyed my company and how glad he was that he finally met me.


There was nowhere mentioned in this that I said anything about doing him sexually. I was just paying the guy compliments which I found nothing wrong with doing. I make compliments to a lot of good looking guys that I see ...that does not mean that I want them sexually especially if they are already involved with someone...I respect commitment no matter what shape or status that relationship may be in...the fact of the matter is that they are still together and he spoke very highly of her during the time we spent...whatever I may think or observe doesn't matter if they are fine with it...Another thing...although I had my reservations with lying for my sister...but at the end of the day...I had assumed that maybe she had a reason for doing so and I did not know this guy at all...

 

[fkboy1]

Short and to the point answers to the questions u asked:


Were you wrong??

NO.

And does she have the right to be mad at you??

HELL NO!!!!!!! :no:

 

[jw4833]

Short and to the point answers to the questions u asked:


Were you wrong??

NO.

And does she have the right to be mad at you??

HELL NO!!!!!!! :no:

Thanks so much fkboy1: That's the kind of response that I was hoping for...not the remarks in regard to the future of my sisters' relationship status...or if I have a crush on her guy....which have nothing whatsoever to do with the contents of my initial discussion post...therefore...I am very appreciative of your and some other guys responses that were focus on the matter itself....JW:thumbs up:

 

[ezekiel]

Your sister(s) are douchebags.
You did nothing wrong et they forced you to do it (kinda).
I would keep on seeing this guy if he's nice (and maybe i would destroy my sister reputation :devil.

 

[warrenxx]

No you didn't do anything wrong. I except you didn't want to do anything sexually with him. However, on first reading I got that impression. From the way you describe the situation it sounds like he had the hots for you. I am sure your sexuality must have been discussed with him. Did this never come up as part of the conversation he had with you? Your sister's being mad could imply they are worried about him reacting to you. Why worry about him spending time with you if he is straight? There is no harm in it and he is not suddenly going to change his sexual orientation being around you or are your sisters so backward they think that could happen? Were they testing him? This lying on her part is bad news and I would avoid further involvement.

 

[Whisper]

In my opinion your sisters should first get rid of their homophobic attitudes and learn to love their brother unconditionally. Only then they can have the right to ask you to do anything like that (which I may had asked my sister to do when I was a teenager!!! Not a grownup woman!!)

 

[jw4833]

My sister did pay me a visit recently to apologize for her actions which I'm sure her guy had a lot to do with considering the fact that she had mentioned to me how he said he really found me to be a really nice guy as well as mentioning how lucky she is to have me as a brother. I am not interested or have a crush on anyone who has/is dating a sibling of mine...that is not my intent and never will be...Just because I say nice things about someone or give compliments about how hot a guy looks does not mean that I want them sexually. As I had mentioned...I am RARELY around my family and although I agree that the family in a whole needs to move on and get over the fact that I am a GAY man...unfortunately...this is not something new within families who have traditional beliefs. Therefore, I've learned to embrace and love myself despite what they may think and I do not look for their approval or seek their love anymore. For me..the situation is what it is and I'm okay with that. I have people in my life who love me unconditionally and have been my family for quite some years and have never let me down and that's enough for me because love comes in all kinds of forms and family can be created from being in the company of people who seem to light up when you enter the room and whom are very concern about your welfare and your future.

 

[fatty]

It is unreasonable of them to be mad at you. They insisted you handle the situation and if they didn't agree with how you handled it they shouldn't have asked you in the first place.

What other side of the story could there be - either they asked you to do it or they didn't