When and how was your "Coming Out"?

[rtk159753]

It's been taking over a year, but I started coming out last Fall, first to my friends at college, then my parents when I came home for a weekend, then my sister, and finally my brother just a couple of weeks ago because I finally saw him for the first time. Been slowly telling other people too as the time feels right, and luckily everyone's been cool with it. Won't say anything at work tho...totally the wrong culture for that lol

 

[yilmaz]

I am not out yet. But i wish everyone known that I'm gay

 

[garwin]

Change of Heart: My Coming out Story

I'm so moved by the stories of the young men here. I so respect your courage to be who you really are - in the face of so much negativity. I want to share a different perspective from someone older who's only now finding that courage.

I’m an older married guy, just beginning to open my closet door. This is how it happened.
I met this college student online. I’ll call him Raf. He was the cutest, sweetest, most kind person I ever met. His face was beautiful, his body slim, toned, with smooth brown skin. I adored his natural endowments. He said he knew for a long time he was gay, but was not out and had had no experience. We were alike in this way - two souls looking for acknowledgement: one almost twenty, the other in his late fifties.
I offered Raf the opportunity for an experience, but he said that he had been trying to engage a cute fellow student, who was (so far) unresponsive to his overtures. Finally, Raf rationalized that he might need to just get a ‘bj’, until his would-be friend came around; and that it would really be OK, since it wasn’t ‘full sex’. I couldn’t have agreed more.
We texted provocatively and then cam’ed. Raf was even more beautiful than his pictures. His voice was gentle; and his laughter contagious. He acknowledged that I turned him on. I had already told him many times how much I adored him. He was so genuinely sweet and caring that I had that feeling you get in your chest like your heart is so full it might burst?!
We met for the first time where he lived (with his brother and sister-in-law) while attending college. We spent an hour in wild abandon, kissing and exploring every inch of each other’s body. Raf said he wanted to fuck me, and I agreed reluctantly, having considered myself a top for most of my life. I had last bottomed 20 years ago, but was willing to do whatever Raf needed. He entered me gently as I had requested, and proceeded to fuck me so good I came and came. What especially endeared me to him is that he leaned in to kiss me while we were doing it ‘missionary style’.
Our second encounter a week later was even more passionate. Again in his room, we did it for a couple of hours in every position Raf could think of to try. He blew me away with his enthusiasm, spontaneity and endurance. I left completely satisfied and in a state of bliss. He kissed me and kissed me, like he was starved for kisses. I told him I would never stop kissing him as long as he wanted to. That’s just the way it was with us. We chatted by my car near his house – a long lingering ‘good-bye’.
But the next day, Raf texted me that his sister-in-law had seen us talking by my car, and had begun asking him questions. He said he felt he had to come out to her, but that it went very well. Then he told me that he thought we should stop seeing each other. Now my heart felt like it WAS bursting. I could only accept his decision. After all, I had admired his openness and directness from day one – how could I dismiss it now? I found myself wishing Raf well, and praising all the wonderful attributes I had experienced with him. Of course I told him I’d miss him terribly too. But I genuinely wanted to leave Raf feeling good about himself and his future, not letting on that I was really heartbroken. I'm proud that I was able to do that.

I left work early that day. The next few days were miserable. I kept hoping that I'd get a text from Raf saying he'd changed his mind. But eventually I began to remember what I loved most about my time with Raf (aside from the great sex).
It was the intense joy. I realized that I had forgotten how it felt to be so intensely happy and fulfilled. I decided that I want that feeling back in my life, and that the only way to possibly get it is to live an authentic life: that I need to be really me all the time – not just in the margins of my life.
So, Raf, in doing what was best for him and speaking his truth, brought me to a place where I experienced my own truth. Now I love Raf even more than when we were together. He gave ME the opportunity to experience something deep and rich, and lasting. He brought me to experience a true change of heart. My life will never be the same. Know what I mean?

 

[Nelson]

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. They help encourage us that it gets better.

 

[cdc1223]

lordy

 

[strionico]

at 20 - first towards my sister who was very understanding ("I already had expected that"), then towards my father... he was not quite amused, and for some years our relationship was frozen.

 

[darkjimster]

I came out when i was 14 or 15 to my family who all had known i was gay when i was 4 or 5 years old but i didn´t tell my two younger brothers that i was gay until last year but they also knew i was gay hell a blind, deaf and mute person would know i was gay but the thought of a rejection of my brothers was what scared me the most that would have devastated me the most but they said the knew and that they loved me

 

[sucker300]

at age of 23, after a long term relationship with my ex-girlfriend, two years of diving into the gay world, and after I found my one and only boyfriend I came out to everyone (friends, family etc.)
before that I had a two years double life

 

[loretta]

i never had a real comming out, i just grew up and was interrested in boys. i left home at the age of 16 and let never determine my parents my life. they knew it and were "not amused" (my mother is bavarian-catholic) but what should they do? i have a big family and even with all the struggle inside we hold togehter at least. so the gay thing was never a real problem - we had ohters
and fortunately i am a german and it is not a problem (for example a lot our politicians are open gay), i never had problems beeing gay.

 

[dillydallier]

I came out to my family when I was 20 years old. It was followed by a lot of fighting and crying.

 

[sergueibxl]

I came out rather late (33), after a straight matrriage. I did not have much "take it or leave it' as 3/4 of the people where understanding and caring (in other words, I was the same person for them, they did not care!)....the most difficult part was towards my children...and it went ok.....
So, I am a happy 49 year old sir, clearly gay, with no secrets....it is possible!

 

[MRC]

When I went to Junior High and started going to gym class I began to notice that I was attracted to some of the guys in my class and including my gym teacher.I also only hung out with girls and never was interested in dating them. One day my friend jessica asked if I liked guys and I told her I think I did.. she was cool with it. so in 8th grade a guy asked if I was gay and I said yes. I came out to friends?school kids first lol. I didnt come out to my family til I was 15 when this guy asked me out.. I wasn't scared to tell my mom because my grandma is gay so one day after school I came home and told my mom I needed to talk to her and she was like ok. so we are on the couch in the living room and then I told her I was gay and she was like I know.. I saw the shirtless guy pics in your room under your pillow and she said she was happy I came out my dad just acts like he doesn't know but my mom told him lol. he doesn't want to talk about it...

 

[skatemachine]

well the first person i came out to was my older sister. it really wasnt as dramatic as i expected it to be. I was on my laptop chatting with my friend on msn because of some school work. anyway my sister sees me then justs jokes and says "chatting with your boyfriend?" im like "no" and tried to explain it was my friend, but then she said "yeah right, your gay"(jokingly) then i said "yeah so what" from there shes like i kinda knew and all of that blah blah ect. so that turned out well. the next people i came out to were my friends. one i knew was gonna be ok with it because he already had a friend that was gay, the other friend i was worried because he always seemed homophobic which what came as a suprise to me he was completely ok with it!
After that, i basically started comming out to the rest of my friends and now i just say "yes, i am gay" to anyone that asks.

Sadly though i feel like im gonna lose my friendship with a few friends that i recently came out to like 4 days ago who told me they would never be friends with a gay guy.

(unrelated topic, reading it is uneccesary)

And now since my freshman year (i am a junior now) i have been in love with one of my best friends! i know hes straight so i have been trying to get over him, but i cant. I feel like he is my soulmate. I just keep telling myself it is not gonna happen but oh well. I to tear up trying to except we will never be together and i know im in love because to me he is like the most attractive guy in the world! while i know girls find him unnattractive a lot. he is slightly chubby but to me he is like a freakin model in my eyes! Oh when will I get over him T_T

 

[hothot44]

i was just honest from my early teens and no one seemed to be say anything about it

 

[turkeyman]

I am not out of the closet and I guess that I never will. I think that if I put one toe out of the closet I would regretfully have to end my life. It would not be worth living and things would definitely not get better. I have had friends that knew or just guessed but never said anything. It just that at my age it is safer for me to stay in this dam, dark, lonely hole of a closet. I do not post a lot but am getting the courage to do it.

 

[Ainsey]

I came out when I was 15. Now EVERYBODY I know & even a few I haven't met yet knows I'm GAY. Yippee.

I often wish my friends would quit spreading it around. Seems to make it even harder for me to get a gay date. Str8 girls just LOVE me. UUUgggghhhh.

 

[eldiablito]

I was 18. I had seen a doentary that played in the San Francisco Bay Area called, "Growing Up, and Coming Out". It changed my life. While I knew I was different, I just didn't know what exactly it is that I was. Furthermore, that there were gay people my age. My idea of what a gay man was, was an older white male. I'm latino, and grew up around so latin men who were full of machismo, so to me, being gay meant being less of a man.

Well, anyway, after the doentary, my friend Shannon, a goth girl I befriended in high school, would joke around about some of the people in the doentary, and how we actually knew them. She sent me a letter, via mail, jokingly acting like one of them, inviting me to meet at the local mall so that we could go to an orgy.

Well, while I was out one day, my mom found this note, and I came home to her crying. she confronted me, and I was faced with the decision of just owning up to it, or hiding still. I chose to say that I was gay. It took a couple of years for my mom to come around, but in the end, she realized she didn't love me any less for being gay, and well, our relationship just got better after all the drama.

 

[loveless92]

so to me, being gay meant being less of a man.

I think, if anything, being gay makes you more of a man because you are so manly that not even a woman can satisfy your needs.
But I'm glad your coming out didn't end poorly, that'd make me sad.

 

[987654]

I'm still at odds about how I feel about myself, despite where I am posting this.

But, that aside, I know people have suspected I might be gay. I've only told two people over the years that I was questioning myself. Neither of them had an issue (and one came out a few years later.)

But, I know my mother is going to have a huge issue with it, and I have a good guy friend who is extremely religious...

There was one time I almost told my mother I was 'confused.' It was after she, I, and one of her friends debated about gay marriage. I was so close, but felt it wasn't a good time.

I have other issues too, and sometimes I wonder why God had to put this on me. It's just one more thing, you know?

 

[gb2000ie]

If I'm honest, the hardest part for me was coming out to myself. It's amazing how you can delude yourself about the blatantly obvious for so long. I can distinctly remember having a crush on a blond boy in school when I was about 8 or something like that. Somehow, I managed to convince myself first that it was 'a phase', and then that I was bi. Bullshit of the highest order!

Anyhow, that whole deluding myself thing went on for some time, and was very self destructive. A few depressions later, it was newyear's even coming into the millenium, and I distinctly remember deciding that it was time to find out for once and for all whether I really did like girls or not. Apparently I was quite good looking back then, that or I got lucky, but I found a girlfriend pretty quickly and went through the motions. It was fun for a while, till things got serious, and she made a move on me. It SHOULD have been what I really wanted, but it felt really ick to have a girl grab my junk. That was that, point proven. Was hard to end the relationship, and the girl took it very hard. After a few weeks I decided that I should come out to her so she could understand that it really really was nothing she'd done or anything like that.

At this stage I was in college so I was free to do the whole partial coming out thing. I told my best friend at home, and all my friends in college. Universities tend to be liberal places, so it was a total non-issue. It took me a lot longer to find a boyfreind than it did to find a girl friend, not sure what that says, but eventually I found Mr. right, and we've been together for 7 years now. After things got serious I finally came out to my parents, which I was really dreading, only to find it a total and utter anti-climax. They were far more interested in finding out more about my partner than anything else! At this stage I'm 99.9999% out, there is one great aunt who is very old and very catholic who my parents and grand parents asked me not to come out to for the sake of simplicity and family harmony. She thinks my partner is a good friend of mine who comes along to family gatherings - technically true I guess - though he is of course much more than that

I think the biggest lesson is that coming out is very liberating, and that many places are a lot less hostile than you think. I really didn't think I wanted to be an out gay man in Catholic Ireland, but you know what, it really isn't a big deal! You get the occasional homophobic git, but all in all, most people are more than OK with it.

B.