Dating (rant)

[ickkck]

who even dates anymore? So many online sites filled with people looking to fuck around or looking for their next relationship. What happened with meeting someone randomly and falling in love? Am I the only one still out there hoping to stumble into my life partner?

 

[weydowner]

Well, even if you meet your Mr Right, you have to consider that he will have been subject, on a daily basis, to these damned pop-ups and dating sites and sex forums that nobody seems to be able to get rid of on a computer. Depressing thought; especially if he takes part in them.

Just 40 years ago, it could break up a marriage if the other person found a well-thumbed copy of Playboy or Playgirl under the bed. Especially if a straight person found a magazine for a gay audience & vice versa.

Get a dog; it solves many problems. (BTW, I.m not advocating bestiality)

 

[ickkck]

haha

I have a dog we can only do so much and I know theres an amazing person out there for everyone including myself and they'd hopefully want to be with me no matter who came along problem is it seems like they're taking their sweet as time to find me haha which I'm ok with I guess cus they wouldn't call it the one if he was just around the corner you know?

 

[topdog]

If online isn't for you, here is a suggestion:

1. Step away from the computer.
2. Take a quick inventory of your interests.
3. Now, come back to the computer and look for opportunities to volunteer or join local groups with that same interest.

This guarantees that you will be with like-minded people. And there's no easier way to get to know people than working on a project together - no small talk needed!

Examples:

• Volunteer at an animal shelter
• Sports teams - running, rugby, football, basketball
• Bicycle or roller-blading clubs
• Book club
• Choir or music group
• Political action
• Help sick or elderly
• Professional group
• Computer users group
• Dance groups (ballroom, line)
• Community theater
• Church groups
• Atheist groups
• Yoga and exercise classes
• Investment group
• Photo group or club
• Help organize local AIDS walk (or other charity)
• Concert or theater party group
• Chess, checkers, or board game club
• Car enthusiast club
• "Alternate lifestyle" group (leather, bdsm, D/s, polyamory, bear, swing, etc)
• Travel club

Get out of the house and put yourself where all the interesting people are. If you live in a major city there are gay versions of all these activities. If not, many of these will stil be around. If you are out and friendly, you'll find the other gay guys. At the very least you will make new friends, and they can introduce you to their friends.

 

[ickkck]

I go out all the time and I go out to make friends maybe that's my problem yes I'm also window shopping but no one I'm interested in is shopping for me. I'm not antisocial or don't know how to make friends. I guess the problem is just myself preventing me from settling with these losers who don't even know how to even have a conversation. My standards are pretty easy to meet just haven't met anyone who actually wants to meet them.

 

[hawtsean]

who even dates anymore? So many online sites filled with people looking to fuck around or looking for their next relationship. What happened with meeting someone randomly and falling in love? Am I the only one still out there hoping to stumble into my life partner?

The difference is in finding Mr. Right, vs finding Mr. Right Now. I've used that line before, and it is a truism. Dating sites cater to sex/love on a whim. No doubt many nice people find lasting relationships that began on a dating site - but I believe those to be the exception, not the rule. I empathize with your disappointment on not seeming to resource other potential partners without a hookup site or other pre-arranged rendezvous. I too believe in any potential partner being able to hold up their end of an engaged conversation (more than the weather or sports), and that any relationship has got to be about more than a quick romp in bed.

I am partnered in a relationship that permits me to play in the genre of my preference, BDSM scenes. That means that I love and cherish my partner, and have no intention of leaving that relationship of many years. It also means that my partner is totally cool with me engaging in certain erotic activities with other men..........but I 'never bring home my toys or those boiz'.

 

[topdog]

I go out all the time and I go out to make friends maybe that's my problem yes I'm also window shopping but no one I'm interested in is shopping for me...

In order to get what you want, you have to take responsibility for your current cirstance. Maybe you are surrounded by jerks, but hey, you're the one that's choosing to hang out with them. You need to find the pieces for which you are responsible because that's what gives you the power to make a change. The first thing you need to find is empowerment.

So, back to your specific situation - it sounds like either:

1. The people you are meeting are dull and don't know a good thing when they see it.
2. You are somehow turning off the very guys you want to attract.

Or both.

If it's the first issue, then go back to my advice above on finding a group or project. You are fishing in the wrong pond. Change ponds.

The second problem is tougher to work on, but it is worth it because it will follow you around until you can figure it out. Ask your close friends for honest advice.

• Is there something I'm doing that turns people off?
• Are my standards too narrow?
• Do I make a bad first impression when meeting people?
• What can I do differently?

This can be hard to hear, but enlist your good friends to help you with this project. Put together your own Queer Eye team for a physical and / or attitude makeover.

In your own way, incorporate the empowerment found in the AA Serenity Prayer:

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
courage to change the things we can,
and wisdom to know the difference."