When and how was your "Coming Out"?

[XMan101]

Give it time, Nothan Things get easier, and when you meet another guy you'll be twice the strength

 

[Jamie]

Hey Nothan! You made your first step: telling us We are with you and I know it`s not much but it`s a small help in your way. If you live in a strict society...I don`t know if it is OK to come out. Maybe when you`ll have the possibility, move away, in a different city, etc. I was raised in a strict religious home myself and homosexuality was a Taboo subject. Well, it`s true, until a few years ago I didn`t have to "come out" but sometimes I think that if I had to , my mom would have been ashamed of me, she would have sent me to pray @ church and call the priest at home to "exorcise" me...LOL! Not to mention my step dad...he used to beat me until I was 16 yo...imagine what he would have done to hear something like that. I know it`s painful and you feel SO lonely most of the times but remember: better have a happy and quiet life in the future than coming out now and have a difficult life in the future.
Take care and keep on visiting the forum. You`ll make a lot of friends who will keep you company (virtually speaking) in those sad and lonely days.

 

[newage]

Nice to see some of these stories, they really do help ALOT! Now I am official "semi" out. You'll understand from the end of the post. Also note I was born in Africa but begin the story in America.

Prior to sixth grade i always fantasized being with girls. Growing up in Africa, i didn't even know such things as homosexuality existed. Even when I found about homosexuality in 5th grade, the thought was at first disgusting. It just didn't seem logical. However, one day in 6th grade, while browsing through porn, I stumbled upon gay porn. At first it was a bit revolting...but I became intrigued by it. As I look back now it seems like i was attracted by the taboo of homosexuality. Almost like a form of rebellion against my parents--i do have a rather rocky relationship with them (long story). But till today i still can't ascertain the reason...anyways on with the story! My first boy crush was Greg in 6th grade..(cutest boy). Although at the time I wouldn't even call it a crush. I was attracted to him and i wanted to be with him but i didn't know why. As i learned about homosexuality, i learned of how they have sex. One of my biggest fret with the 'logicality' of homosexuality at the time was the lack of a vagina. The more i learned (internet) the more i fell for Greg. I would pour senseless hours reading about stories other kids coming out to their parents, but i didn't think i could ever tell them. I also developed a love for gay stories which are wonderfully archived at nifty (Zac and Kayden was my favorite).

----pause

One day my dad caught me using his laptop without permission. Now the truth was i was simply playing a really addictive online game. But for some reason i felt the compulsion to spill to my dad. So i told him all about my feelings and the sites i had been on in middle school . He was shocked, told me not to tell anyone else and moreover he told me to stop visiting the sites that they were brain washing me. However to soften the blow i said i still kind of like girls. He told my mom and then they pretty much concluded that "it" is just a phase and will pass. The matter of my "gayness" came up again when my dad found my stash of bel ami on my computer (this is like freshman year of highschool). They got really scared and desperate: so much so that they tricked me into going on a vacation back to my country. However while in my country i befriended the maids, who told me of that my parents had sent back for good(so at the very least I had prior warning). They thought america had a bad influence on me and thought that sending me back to my home country would fix me. At first I was very upset, mainly because of the deceit, my family members knew what was going on and they were all acting perfectly natural...waiting for my uncle to come back from overseas before i was dealt my punishment. I was also sad and scared because i didn't know what to do, i wanted to runway, but i had nowhere to run to. At this point in time i vowed to never speak with my parents again. When my uncle arrived it was decided that I was to stay in my home country, however my aunt managed to convince my dad to let me come back. It wasn't that she accepted the idea, rather she felt it was just a phase. Before coming back i promised i would not engage in any sexual activity with a male till i was 18.

----pause its almost over

After i returned things were awkward. A couple of times my dad had found out i was watching logo and freaked out. And almost every day they pest me about why i don't have a girlfriend. They even gave me shit about hang out with my friend, who ironically enough is a total gay basher--though in his defense he does have a rather crude sense of humor. In conclusion i know they know what i feel, but rather prefer to live in a fantasy that i am completely straight. Now i consider myself bi but leaning to males. And ialthough i get frustrated when they bug me about why i don't have a girlfriend, I am too fearful what might happen if i retaliate. As of now i really only have like 2 friends and my parents. And i know i'd definitely lose all of them if i really came out. So though i don't encourage their teasing, i also don't discourage it. And as for my friends well...im not even sure i can call them friends. Now I’m 19, in college and the inability to express my self is pulling me back.
Thanks for reading my post. Sorry it so long but its just been sitting inside me for along time. I would really appreciate criticisms.

 

[SkyGrey10]

Everyone at school knows I'm gay but my family does not. My mom freaked when I told her that I was bi as a freshman! She did just about everything but kick me out! Then when I was a junior she found some pics of dudes on my comp and freaked again! She said she wants me to "EXPERIENCE GIRLS FIRST!" Not likely! I am GAY! but I think she should have seen it coming! Like I hate sports and love clothes and music! I guess I'll try it again when I am in college!!!! Just one more year lord!!!

 

[Thor]

ok, I'm going to post a question in the general section about this topic, but ill say it here first, i look at all you that came out, and i love that...but i think sometimes we feel ashamed at being gay!! so why?

 

[john7611]

I've only come out to my immediate family and my most true friends. I had very bad dealings with my mother and father, emotional and physical abuse. But it made me much stronger, especially my confidence in my sexuality. I'm quite grateful for the experience, though my relationship with the two, my mother specifically considering how close we were, will never be the same.

Some of these stories are mortifying... *Sighs* We live in such a shitty world.

 

[Jamie]

We do live in a shitty world ....:| I could never have the strength to tell anyone I know that I like boys as much as I like girls (or maybe sometimes more than girls)...Well, my mom is gone, my dad is...far away (they got divorced when I was 3 yo and we barely met 10-12 times in these 25 years now) and there`s my sis and bro in law... I guess my sister would be grossed and pissed off on me and she wouldn`t want to talk to me ever (she is a bit mean and she stays pissed for a long time) and my bro in law who ...he would probably say he don`t want to see me again ever. My friends...? Well, my friends from back home...we kinda lost contact..and here I don`t have any...even so, I could never have the strength...I`d rather keep it quiet and live my life calm but in a lie than living my life with everyone knowing the truth but a tormented life with heart pains and a lot of cryings...

 

[newage]

We do live in a shitty world ....:| I could never have the strength to tell anyone I know that I like boys as much as I like girls (or maybe sometimes more than girls)...Well, my mom is gone, my dad is...far away (they got divorced when I was 3 yo and we barely met 10-12 times in these 25 years now) and there`s my sis and bro in law... I guess my sister would be grossed and pissed off on me and she wouldn`t want to talk to me ever (she is a bit mean and she stays pissed for a long time) and my bro in law who ...he would probably say he don`t want to see me again ever. My friends...? Well, my friends from back home...we kinda lost contact..and here I don`t have any...even so, I could never have the strength...I`d rather keep it quiet and live my life calm but in a lie than living my life with everyone knowing the truth but a tormented life with heart pains and a lot of cryings...

I empathize with you jamie. I couldn't think of telling my roomate or hallmates...i'd get harassed so much. And even with my parents they don't want to accept the fact i like boys much more. I fear the day I straight up affirm that fact is the day they will stop talking to me.

 

[iFairylicious]

Just had my "four month anniversary" LOL. Been good to be open and shit haha

 

[mimixiaosan]

We do live in a shitty world ....:| I could never have the strength to tell anyone I know that I like boys as much as I like girls (or maybe sometimes more than girls)...Well, my mom is gone, my dad is...far away (they got divorced when I was 3 yo and we barely met 10-12 times in these 25 years now) and there`s my sis and bro in law... I guess my sister would be grossed and pissed off on me and she wouldn`t want to talk to me ever (she is a bit mean and she stays pissed for a long time) and my bro in law who ...he would probably say he don`t want to see me again ever. My friends...? Well, my friends from back home...we kinda lost contact..and here I don`t have any...even so, I could never have the strength...I`d rather keep it quiet and live my life calm but in a lie than living my life with everyone knowing the truth but a tormented life with heart pains and a lot of cryings...

I cant imagine you experienced a lot in the past, anyhow, things will get better and better, do support u...

 

[noone88]

blah, I wish I was in these forums when (or before) I came out... Well I just had a bad day and drank "few" beers alone at home, then I decided to send a text message to my friend and told that I was gay . Fun. But few months after that I decided to tell it to my two best friends who accepted it and after that I told it to pretty much all of my friends. All went smoothly, I still haven't told my family though and I don't intend to either before I move out from my mom's place.

 

[newage]

blah, I wish I was in these forums when (or before) I came out... Well I just had a bad day and drank "few" beers alone at home, then I decided to send a text message to my friend and told that I was gay . Fun. But few months after that I decided to tell it to my two best friends who accepted it and after that I told it to pretty much all of my friends. All went smoothly, I still haven't told my family though and I don't intend to either before I move out from my mom's place.

aww glad to hear it went well with your best friends...at the very least there'll be your pillar of support when u decide to tell your parents.

 

[JonnyFantastico]

I posted this as a blog, actually; but I think I'll repost it here for all to see:

I've come to loathe the statement, "I always knew I was gay"... how can we, as children, truly know what that word means other than the passing joke from friends and associates? I knew I was different from a pretty young age. I thought girls were pretty; I knew it was the norm to have some kind of connection with them that you couldn't have with your mates,.. but I never really had that. I dreamt of myself cuddling in bed with Jonathan Knight of "New Kids on the Block" as a child (interestingly enough; he actually is gay now) and kissed a boy all at the tender age of 6. I played "doctor" with the same boy and never really felt too odd about it... well, a little (I wasn't attracted to him. LOL).

Most of my friends were girls and the people around me thought I was nothing more than a little flirt, which was anything but. I've never been too flamboyant or anything to that nature; I just got along with them better as friends. I had my share of boy friends (not "boyfriends") as well, but I always found myself thinking of them as "cute". It wasn't until my early teen years (12 or 13) that I had something full and real with another male. His name was Geovannie and it lasted for a number of years. I shared a lot of firsts with him (first real kiss, first sexual experience, etc.) and I adored most of it... until I found out he was "cheating" on me with a girl who would eventually become my teenage BFF (we stopped speaking years ago and I still miss her deeply).

Throughout my adolescence, I found myself in situations I wouldn't wish on anyone: accosted by police at age 13 for messing around with another boy (his brother, unknowingly, witnessed us in a state of undress and told his mother. The cops told me to stay away from him... even though the boy in question was only months younger than myself). a mother who could sometimes be anything but motherly (I would get into fights with bullies and she would call me out as a "sissy" and let my brother beat me up whenever he felt like it), An experience with an older man who made me do things to him... because if I didn't, he would tell people of a boy I had a crush on (the story was twisted around and he would relay that story to others). Another older man that used me as a personal play thing (although there was an attraction there; I realized later on just how bad he was for my soul and well-being; including spreading me around to his "straight" friends who wanted to try something out with another guy). For a long while, I didn't only feel like a freak, I felt disgusting. The only ones who knew of my sexuality were close friends (some who made fun of this fact mercilessly) and a cousin who was and still is more like a sister to me. I never would've told anyone else.. had it not been a slight mistake on my part.

When I was 17, I dated another guy named Trevor (or TJ, as he liked to be called). TJ and I's relationship was shaky at best. We had our great times (he was the first and still ONLY person to get me something for Valentine's Day) and our really bad times. He openly searched for other guys' and made me feel like he was with me only to take pity on me (trust me; being a bit heavyset and under-endowed, he was no prize himself)... but with my heart and life being through so much turmoil, I loved him immensely and would've done anything for him.

One weekend, he came to my place (he lived in Long Island, NY) and something transpired between him and Geovannie's then-girlfriend (not the BFF; Geo had a bit of a wondering dick... LOL) and Trevor walked off; threatening to jump off the roof of a building. My friends and I searched everywhere for him; even calling his house to see if he had decided to head back home. After a couple of hours, I gave up and went back home... only to find him sleeping in front of my apartment door. I opened up, he went to the couch and I went to sleep.

The next morning; my mother and I got into it for some reason (trust me; growing up, there were many arguments over things that were never that important or something small that bothered her). I remember the topic sincerely hurt my feelings and I walked back into my room in tears. TJ saw this and grabbed my hand and pulled me into bed with him, placing his arm around me and holding me close (this was one of the things I loved about him: he could hurt me like no other and yet, make me feel safe and loved within a breath). Somewhere in these moments, I fell asleep. After we woke up, I took him to the train station and came back home.

My mother called me into her room and asked point blank if there was anything going on between TJ and I. I quickly denied everything... until she admitted something herself. After our earlier disagreement, she decided she was in the wrong (a very rare occurance) and came into my room to apologize... where she saw TJ and I sleeping; his arms still around me, my hand still enclosed in his).

I stood in shock for a moment... before the tears flowed. I told her that, yes, TJ and I were more than friends and that I, indeed was gay. She placed her arms around me and told me that she always knew and that as long as I was the best person I could be; it wouldn't matter who I loved. I should be proud to be who I was and if anyone didn't like it or couldn't accept it; it was their issue, not my own. I never loved her more than that moment... until she found out I had somewhat fibbed about where TJ lived. It couldn't last that long. LOL

That sort of opened a floodgate. If people in my family didn't know before then, they knew after because my mother could never really keep her mouth closed over such a juicy piece of gossip... but everyone seemed pretty cool with it; minus my brother; that didn't happen until some odd years later when I came out to him in the midst of an argument: he called me a "faggot"; I told him I wasn't, I was gay and he needed to deal with it or shut the fuck up. When he said he couldn't because it was nasty, I said the strongest statement I ever made towards him.

Paraphrasing, "I've been in your shadow all of my life. In that life, you've been in and out of jail for years for stupid shit. If you can't handle this, then you're just another n*gga in the street to me (I live in NYC; sadly, that word is synonymous with "guy"). Don't say shit to me."

I don't know what happened at that moment, but exactly one week later; everything seemed to change within him and we've never been closer. Growing up, I truly hated everything he stood for and now, I couldn't imagine him any other way (not to mention, although not perfect; he has tremendously changed his life and ways).

I think there is always more than one side when it comes to "coming out". Not only is it a release for the person doing so, but for the people in their environment as well. It releases so much trepidation and brings a calm to all around you. I've lived a life harder than most, but without it, I would not be the person I am today. 10 years ago, I put my "hanger" back in the closet... and I haven't looked back once.

 

[XMan101]

Wow that is some account, Jonny. Very well written too. *hugs

 

[goejavin]

Wow...a spectacular account...and while not everyone can be in your same position, your experience is sure to be an inspiration for many others who are truly in that gray area. Thanks for sharing, Jonny...it will mean so much to so many...Just wonderful!!!

 

[JonnyFantastico]

Thanks, GoeJavin; I'm glad I (re)posted this. If it helps one person to come out and realize that it's OK doing so and in turn, they can be OK; then I've done my best in sharing my story... I know how hard it is being hidden from those you love and truly wanting to be who you are and they have my utmost support and love.

 

[piggyman]

January 5, 2008

Short version: Older brother storms into my apartment demanding to know who is gay in the family. Found gay porn on his computer. I threatened to call the cops on him if he didn't leave. Worried he'll tell everyone, I went ahead and told my siblings before he could.

It'll worked out. We never talk about it.

 

[lhardwick69]

when and how was my coming out

i was 16 was at friends house we were doing it --actually he was fucking me when his door opened up and there stood his mom--thats not my coming out story ashis mom never told mine--- but as for him i thought that was hell of way to come out



as for me i came out 23 friend of brother had a crush on me and didnt know what to do so he writes me a letter telling me how he liked me and all but where i wasnt out of the closet he didnt want to cause any trouble--the sad part about this letter he sent it by my nosy ass brother and he read it tells my mom she was cool with it we met things went ok until he cheated on me

 

[lhardwick69]

the thing about being out and open is---

coming out has its ups and downs from loosing friends then loosing the person your are secretly screwing behind everyones back just because you are still in the closet then when coming out that person quits coming over-so go over one day find out the big deal and he was like everythings cool as long as no one knew but now that i came out that everyone wouldnt look at him the same again and he couldnt deal with the fact everyone knowing or even thinking we were fucking so he just decides not to come over anymore figured no harm no foul i guess

as for him coming over yes i still lived with my folks and before coming out things were good and after coming out things were same between me and my parents its just he couldnt cope with his sexuality yet

 

[ERICOOL85]

im still in the closet for most friends, and family XD
why do i have to be arround so many homophobic people!!
whyyy ??!!