I haven't really came out to many besides 1 girl (who is my best friend) yet but I was kinda 'forced out?' I'm not really sure. Well heres my story. (prepare for a long post)
Lets take it back to 2004.
There was this boy who always mad fun of me at school and i really hated him for that. He was a jerk and seemed like one of those douchebags that you would know. We will call him CC.
Fast forward to 2006.
At the start of 2006, some how CC found out my email and added me on MSN. We talked and talked.
By May we were like best friends or maybe more then best friends.
At that time I think I started to develop feelings for him. It was weird because it was the first time for me to feel like this towards a boy. He was so nice and all. And whenver i signed on MSN he would sign on right after me.
Also he would keep asking me to sleep over his house but i always declined. Until one day i said what the hell? Why not. Though we kissed once we acted like nothing ever happened.
After that it was a regular thing [sleeping over]. We would hang out at school and have sleep over every Friday night. Soon i realized that i was madly in love with him. We used to do everything together. Go movies, hang out...
While all of this was happening, I had been writing stuff into my phone - (It was like my diary) About how i felt, and such.
Get back to this later. It played a major roll in how people found out i was gay/bi
But in November, he asked a girl out and she was one of my friend. They dated for like a month then broke off soon before christmas.
I fell in depression. Inside me, i was crushed. My heart was shattered to pieces. How i wish i could be her. I couldn't bare to see him spending time with her. After they broke up we started hanging out more again and i once again was happy.
We ended up spending Xmas and New Year together.
Skip to Feb 2007.
He asked another girl out.
I fell back into depression and did not get out until August 2008.
It was hard seeing someone you love so much with someone else.
We barely spoke and spend time anymore because he would be hanging with her.
Months and months went by and i still could not get over him.
In October 2007 - I lend my old phone to a good friend of mine lets call him H. But as soon as i got home i realized how stupid it was. On that phone it had everything. My feelings, my thoughts...about that boy. The next day i demanded to get that phone back. My friend gave it back. But when i looked in the "notes" section. All my personal writing pieces was deleted. I was scared and worried that time..I asked H if he read anything. He said no and just deleted it. I actually believed..(how foolish of me)
Now to March 2008.
A friend of mine, we will call her ZZ. She said she heard people talking behind my back about some phone thing. The moment she said it, i knew what was going on. At the time I just froze, almost bursting into tears. D had told a close friend of mine X. And X had went around telling all the people around him. I was so crushed. I was wondering how could a friend do that? So thats how alot of people around me found out i was gay. When all i this was happening, i felt like suiciding. My world was spinning so fast i didnt know what to do. I confronted X and asked him why he did it. He has no regret what so ever and blamed ZZ for telling me. At that moment i realised his not a very good friend. But thanks to my very best friend CVJ, i got through that part of my life.
August 2008. Around that time, CC started talking to me again. He invited me over for dinner with his family. Its been awhile since ive seen them. After dinner, I was finally brave enough to ask him if he ever had any feelings for me. His reply was "
As in love like? No, I never love liked you. But you were my best friends". I didn't care what the response was. I was actually reliefed now that i can move on.
Though he said No, I still feel that we had something together. Now, his still with his girlfriend from 2007 and I'm still moving from one target to another trying to fill this void in my heart.
I didn't want to really come out at that time yet because i was experimenting. And to this day, I still don't think im gay but more Bi.
Woo..that was long
